Hi, everyone. This is my first post, so I'm not quite sure what to do, so I'll just give you the facts:

I'm 12 years old. I'm from England. I've always been a really good student, my dad tells me I should go to university...maybe even Cambridge.

I'm also disabled. I have calabrel palsy (spelling?) on my lower limbs, but I go to a normal school, and there's nothing wrong with my mind at all.

I do loads of extracurriculur activities: I'm a librarian, a student councillor, and I'm doing a Creative Arts Bronze Award.

I'm not bragging, but I'm also mature. Really mature. My friends tell me I'm 12 going on 40. That's the problem.

You see, I feel isolated with my friends. Like I belong on a different planet...or maybe they do.

I feel horribly humiliated when they are hyperactive (I'm never hyperactive), and when they get in trouble, I cover for them, because they can't do it themselves.

I'm a twin, and I love my twin sister like mad but she's always got into trouble, whereas I don't. I feel like she thinks my parents only care about me, because they look after me when I'm doing my stretching to keep my muscles flexible or praise me on good grades.

I want to talk about Shakespeare with my friends. I want them to know that I want to talk about literature, and be appreciated. I've tried telling them but the conversation always goes something like this:

Friend: Well, I'm sorry we can't all be smart.
Me: But you're so...childish! (not the best way of putting it)
Friend: We are CHILDREN!
Me: Yes, but why won't you try to be mature?
Other Friend: Look, Beth, that's not always a good thing...you're 12 going on 120.
Friend: Just because...

I feel like I'm suffocating because, not meaning to be horrible to them, but they just seem so inane. I look after them, like I'm their mother. But I can't be. I feel as though I have spent so long trying to protect and look after them, that no-one looks after me anymore.

I have never, ever told anyone this. You see, that's another problem: my sister is The Bad One. She lies. She fights back with our parents. I'm the Good Girl. I'm not meant to do anything wrong. I just paste a huge smile over everything and hope it will all be okay. Because I have to keep pretending, for my friends and family.

Do you want to know what the worst part is?

I'd give up all of it: my grades, my extracurriculur activities, the praise from my teachers, the GCSE work, just to be a normal girl.

Can someone help me or at least say they know how I feel?

I used to be like that... 'till I said:

Fuck this, /me ain't gonna be a child forever.

you are normal... being mature is part of who you are... and as much as you want to change that... you shouldn't because you'll feel worse if you lie to yourself... trust me on this one...

Hi, Beth.
I had a friend like you once. She was in and out of the hospital a lot when we were in elementary school. I found out in the 6th grade that she had cancer. She had to grow up a lot in order to handle the stress of her disease; she never got to be a kid.

She wasnt brilliant like you obviously are, but by the 7th grade she could hardly stand to hold a conversation to us; we were fascinated with boys & glitter lip gloss and she was all about the latest cancer research.

I cant say I know how you feel, because I dont. All I can do is imagine. But it really bothers me that you wish you could change yourself just to fit in. Honestly, everyone probably has that thought during those pre-teen days, even I did; but that's not a healthy thought, and I think you're intelligent enough to realize that.....although it's probably a hard notion to shake off.

The problem is you cant relate & interract well with your friends and the same is true for them? Okay, This is what I would do. Find some new friends. I understand that you may have grown up with these people, and it may seem like a daunting task, but I think I can make a good argument. People grow and mature at different rates, but you are a lot more mature that youre friends, and its a problem for both of you. So, why not introduce yourself to some poeple a grade of two higher than yours? or, make some older friends on the internet. You can keep your old friends to bum around with, but you really do need people who you can relate to you in your life. And since youre so smart, you'll have no trouble interracting with older people. I wonder if your friends are over-achievers too? Older over-achievers tend to love literature analysis and stuff like that.

Right now, being more mature and intelligent may seem like a curse because it sets you apart from the rest, but please trust me, in a few years you'll see that those two things will set you above the rest.

The situation you described with your sister made me think of this novel I'm reading. Its called My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Peoult. The case in the book is a more extreme, but similar.

I'll be back to get your response, im intrigued by your story. pm if you feel like chatting.

What makes you think you're not normal? Just because you're intelligent and want to talk about different things to your friends dosn't make you any different. Me and my friends have nothing in common, I talk about what I wanna talk about, they listen, they talk about what they wanna talk about, I listen. Why don't you ask them to listen to you for a change? Oh and by the way, you wouldn't wanna give up everything because in the future you're going to be the one with the better job and qualifications and more money.
Oh and by the way, you spell better than me and I'm 14 lol!

I've always been the overachiever aswell, right from the moment I set foot in school and up until I was 14. Now I'm 16 and I feel myself deteriorating in my school work, and I really hate it. I should be revising right now because I've got my GCSEs, and instead I'm posting like crazy on here to beat other people and I'm watching Hollyoaks, lazing on the sofa.

I still wish I was like you...I crave the ability to want to be able to pick up another Austen novel and read it all in one go like I used to. Beth, honey, be glad you are how you are and don't change yourself for anyone. There's no point in adapting to suit others because you're the one who has to live with yourself day in, day out, not them. Friends won't stay with you until your dying moment, but your life will, and you have to live with yourself.

If you need anything, please don't hesitate to send me a message...I see so much of you in me two years ago, believe it or not.

Take care.

Wow.

I kinda feel the same way.

My friends and I have problems relating to each other sometimes.

If you ever wanna talk literature, I'm free, and my girlfriend'd probably be happy to as well. ^^

Kenna - http://www.teenhut.net/members/pleasant-addictions.html


Eric

Dear CuckoosNest,

I have read that novel! I love it so much! Have you read any other Jodi Picoult? She's one of my favourite authors (just beaten by Shakespeare and Harper Lee.)

PS I love talking to all of you about being like I am.
To the poster who mentioned about her grades slipping:
Don't give up! I know it sounds hypocritical, coming from me, but I'm spurred on mainly by the thought that it will be worth it in the ned.

Is anyone else reading Shakespeare?

Because I'm feeling kind of lonely right now, I'll tell you about a situation I had with my librarian:

Me: Can I have a copy of "The Tempest" please?
Librarian (shocked): The Tempest?
*Pause*
Me: Yes. Shakespeare.
Librarian: Oh. Are you doing Shakespeare in school?
Me (laughs nervously): Um. No. I'm reading it. I love Shakespeare.
Librarian: Oh? That's quite...keen, isn't it?
Me (laugh again): Um. Maybe. I guess so.

I think our society is very strange like that, the way someone like me could feel ostracized (spelling?) even among adults. I could just FEEL her eyes burning on my walking sticks, which I've had since my operation.

Well, To Kill a Mockingbird is a classic, but I havent read anything else by Lee.

The last thing I read was Hamlet, which I loved. It was surprisingly easy to read. Most of Shakespeare is once you get used to the language, and I enjoy his writing. The thespians at my school performed the Taming of the Shrew during the last semester of school, and I loved it. After studying him all through school, I thought I'd be tired of him by now; but the more I learn of his work, the more I love him.

I think you need to worry about being a kid. Life is too short to worry so much. It does nothing.

SuperEmoNinja:

I know, but it's like I can't stop. It's not the sort of thing I choose to be anymore. I used to think it would be all I ever wanted, and would solve all my problems, filling my life with extracurriculurs. Except it hasn't, and now it's got to the point when I don't really have any other option but to carry on.

CHill! changin's very nice and IMPORTANT,u guys MUST talk abt somethin different..i mean routine's like death! nd u dont have 2 give up everythin u have becz it will help u in da future..and they will loose..nd u'll be selfish wih ur self if u did that just 2 be a normal girl cz u R a one..but a different 1, a smart intelligent carin thoughful 1 that community and sociaty need it in da future, just as "magic&madness" said already,listen 2 them,2 their thoughs 2 their opinions and plans EVEN though its childish..ur in the end friends and that's what friends r made 4,by in their side they should listen 2 u 2..and respect UR mature ideas as the way u did or they wont hold the real meanin of da word "Friends".
Wish i could help...
<3

I kind of know how you feel. When i was in elementary school I went to school with all of the neighborhood children and we were all pretty good friends. But when I reached 5th grade I transfered to the city magnet school and left them behind. I still live in the same neighborhood but I barely talk to them anymore. They all pushed me away kind of because they figured I thought I was too good to go to their school. And so talking to them really made me realize how different from them I was. The ywould constantly tell me I used too many big words and just make fun of the way I was. So eventually I just stopped hanging around them.

But anyways, my point is, yes you are different. But it's okay, you are not weird or anything. You're unique. I think it would help you if you find some friends with similar interests as you. I don't mean don't desert you current friends, but try I find other people you can relate to. I know it's easier said than done, but you have to try if you want to get out of this rut.

And just remember that there is nothing wrong with you. Always be true to yourself no matter what. Good luck, kiddo.