transgendered

[Canadian]

I wasn't sure whether or not to put this thread in this forum or the sexuality forum so I'm sorry if I posted it in the wrong place!

I'm 18 now but ever since I was even 5 or 6 I've had a strong feeling that I didn't want to be a boy anymore. When I was really young I used to try to be like and compare myself with girls I knew, and there's actually been hundreds of nights when even though I was really young and I don't think I completely understood my feelings, I used to truly wish that I'd go to sleep as a boy and wake up as a girl.

I still feel that way now and I don't want to be a boy. It's really weird to explain but especially really small things about being a girl, even things that some people would say are negative qualities, really make me wish I was a girl even more, and nothing else in the world makes me as jealous or as envious as when I'm casually going about my day and a thousand different things draw my attention to the female gender because it makes me wish so much that I was part of a girl. It seems like absolutely everything under the sun makes me feel this way.

Since I was maybe 11 or 12 I've been friends with a few girls and several have even asked me out to dances or told me wanted to take our friendship to another level but I just can't. I can't make myself feel right being the male figure in a relationship because I just want to experience the female side of it, and be her in the relationship with a man. Even the idea of the physical aspects (intimate and not intimate) of being a male in a relationship with a girl make me feel like I'm suffocating.

I've never told anyone about how I feel. It completely terrifies me just thinking about telling my family about how I feel not because I think they'd reject me or anything extreme, but because explaining all this to my family would be the most humiliating thing in the world and every time they see me I wouldn't want them to identify me as offbeat or anything. I've considered the idea of going away for University or afterwards for work sometime in my twenties and figuring out a way I can act on how I've felt for so long but even when I imagine doing this wouldn't my coworkers, peers, university profs or just everyone know if I did pursued something like a sex change? And wouldn't my parents and family eventually find out eventually anyway? And even if I could somehow conceal something big like a sex change would it be right from that moment on to live completely as a female without telling anyone my past even though being identified as a girl who's really always been a girl is the very first thing I would and always have wished for?

[Hurricane Drunk]

Well, this is a complex subject, and I think it would be a thousand times better for you to get advice from an actual transgendered person. But what I can tell you is that there's nothing wrong with how you feel. From what you've shared, I can't really decide if you're most probably transgendered or not. I don't know how it feels. And while you're still young, I think you're old enough to have clearer thoughts and feelings. I'm sorry I can't help much, I'll just advise you to talk to a psychologist or another transgendered person. If you don't want anyone to find out, I'm sure there's other alternatives like doing it through the internet or even by phone.

If you ever need to talk, I'm here .