I'd really love some help on this problem, though it's a lil' hard to explain so please bear with me
I don't really know where I'm at right now, I'm kinda confused. Firstly you guys need to know that I'm a girl, and the friend I'm gonna talk about is also female. Anyway, this friend came out to me as bisexual about 2 years ago. I've always been very open-minded and an avid supporter of gay rights, never had a problem with it whatsoever. She knows a lot of people who are also bi and gay and being around that community so much, seeing two guys or two girls kissing just seems natural to me now. Anyway, she and I have always been friendly with each other. However, I just enjoyed our friendship and didn't really think much of it. That is, until she got her first girlfriend... I began to feel a little jealous, and although her girlfriend was a nice girl, I was quite relieved that, once they broke up, our friendship was back to normal. I began questioning myself as to whether I liked her or not. Everything was fine with us, we were close and even a little flirty, it almost seemed as if she liked me. And the more I think back on it, the more I realize she probably did. Then we met up with an old friend of hers. She never said that she liked him. Like at all. Even though he'd told her before that he had feelings for her. And, after that meeting, he asked her out. And she accepted. I was gutted, but what was I to do? I'm too nice to try to sabotage their relationship, so I just tried to not get in their way at all. For their sake. But he's serious about it. Me and my friend are both 18, and this boy is 20. He's so clingy towards her, he's talking about marriage and proposing when she turns 19! I mean, he even showed me a picture of the engagement ring he plans on using! WTF?
And of course, she loves the compliments and laps them up. Every 'I love you' or kiss. It feels like she loves being accepted this way, especially as she's had trouble with that in the past. And she likes inviting me along when they're together. I hate this. Despise it. I feel like a third wheel. I have to keep a straight face while he's drapped over her like a hungry octopus or while they make out right in front of me or while they sneak away to talk privately. No, she and I have known each other long and she considers me her best friend. How could she exclude me that way? Even if she has a boyfriend now, ignoring me that way is not appropriate. They even make me sleep with them in the same bed when we both sleep over at her house. The other day, at the cinema, he was with her (he sat in between she and I! Urgh!!!) holding her and I was there, with my little heart breaking in two, trying not to cry, chocking back tears. Of course I can't say anything to them. Although her BF has realized and keeps asking me questions like "Why are you so sad?" and even when I say "nothing, I can't tell you" he doesn't believe me. But I can't just tell him "I like your girlfriend and I'd really love it if you broke up" now can I? :/
And the thing is, she's totally paranoid, neurotic and even a little self-involved, and I still can't help but like her! This is eating me up inside, because I really want to be with her! No one knows about it. What do I do? We always hug, and hold hands all the time. It fuels me on. And it makes me feel sad cuz she's still with her boyfriend... [although he lives far away, so thankfully we get to hand out on our own too] The thing is, being put second place and ignored now she has a boyfriend might be why I feel like this. When she was single I never made a move. Though I could have just been nervous. I mean, this is all new to me. And I really do think about this all the time. I hate that I can't be with her. That scares me, because I don't know what to do about the current situation.
Any help? Thank you SO much in advance. Seriously! And I'm really sorry for the long post!