I just want that feeling. That feeling of free-falling into euphoria. No more cages to hold me back, like barb wire worming into my flesh and squeezing my heart. I can't stand it anymore. This immobility. This damned paralyzing fear of cutting the strings and moving my own body in the way I want. I can never say what I want, I'm talking literally. In the physical world I mean to say one thing but it NEVER comes out, it's like my body is programmed to respond in certain ways whether I agree with it or not. I have severe expression issues and I just want to let it all out in a grand explosion. Everything is so heavy. All I want is to sail on the wind, and be content with where I come to rest.
I'm externally demure, but I'm really a free spirit with a desire forget my worries in a loud torrent of music and lights and good company and unleashed inhibitions.
I don't want fear and schizophrenia and inhibition to be all there is to my life
In short, I'm planning to run from it all and find a secret, special place, right here on my island, but seperate. So very seperate... I have a general idea of where to look, there's a prestigious area near the other end of the island, surrounded by mangrove swamps and hills and forestry and I suspect there may be small lakes as well. I'm gonna do this one reckless thing in the springtime of my youth to get it out of my system. I'll probably return home once I've found the place.
any advice on what I should pack? preparations to be made?