i didnt even finishing reading ur post and i already know 3 talents you have:
1. You write very well.
2. You have a great sense of humor. if you said what u just wrote as a standup put-yourself-down routine u'd have ppl rolling on the floor laughing... not at you but how you put urself down
3. You have a talent for putting yourself down and grovelling in the muck... u shud work on getting rid of that one.
everyone is born with a talent for something. but its up to you to find out what it is. chill out man.