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Old 02-27-2013, 08:06 AM   #1
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Is this assault?

Okay so this may be slightly long and confusing, and I'm sorry if this isn't in the right forum, it's my first post. So my friend had this 'thing' with a guy. They were kind of dating but mainly just hooking up. One night, while she was extremely intoxicated he took advantage of her. By the sounds of it at first she was trying to leave and stop it but he kind of forced himself on her. But since she was so drunk in the end she was 'willing' to have sex with him. Is this rape? I'm worried about her and I don't know how to help her. Any advice?
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Old 02-27-2013, 08:10 AM   #2
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Re: Is this assault?

Odds are she's just saying she was willing because she's embarrassed and violated, and trying to convince herself that it was okay. I suggest you talk to her about going to the police. Let her know that he could do it to someone else that was in her situation, and he needs to realize the consequences of what he's done. How long ago was this? Also, tell her to not keep in contact with the guy anymore. If he's done it once, odds are he'll do it again and while she's sober. There is no excuse for rape, and she needs to realize that its not her fault.
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Old 02-27-2013, 08:17 AM   #3
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Re: Is this assault?

Thank you, I told her to completely discontinue contact with him like delete his number and everything although despite the fact that she says she hates him, she won't. Thanks again, I will try to tell her to do that, and I agree with you.
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Old 02-27-2013, 08:23 AM   #4
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Re: Is this assault?

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Thank you, I told her to completely discontinue contact with him like delete his number and everything although despite the fact that she says she hates him, she won't. Thanks again, I will try to tell her to do that, and I agree with you.
The most you can do is let her know that it wasn't her fault and she should seek not only therapy for the assault and rape, but consequences for the perpetrator as well.
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Old 02-27-2013, 12:47 PM   #5
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Re: Is this assault?

By law, at least here in Canada anyways, any person under the influence of drugs or alcohol cannot give legal consent to any sexual act. In your situation here, she could go to the police and press charges for sexual abuse/assault and he could be arrested and charged. Now, this is a relatively minor incident, and it doesn't seem like she has sustained any major trauma from it, but let her know that she does have the option to go to the police, and to see a counselor/therapist.
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Old 02-28-2013, 02:36 AM   #6
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Re: Is this assault?

Thank you again, to both of you. I have suggested the idea of going to the authorities to her, but she won't.

---------- Post added at 02:36 AM ---------- Previous post was at 02:35 AM ----------

And I'm in Canada too!
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Old 03-03-2013, 04:21 AM   #7
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Re: Is this assault?

Really mind your own business it's her relationship. No one but her and the guy knows what really went down and to assume rape and possibly ruin someone's life by going to the authorities is very serious and not something that should be done if it wasn't rape. If it was obviously she should but that's what I'm saying, no one knows but herself and that's why you shouldn't get involved.
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Old 03-03-2013, 05:11 AM   #8
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Re: Is this assault?

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Really mind your own business it's her relationship. No one but her and the guy knows what really went down and to assume rape and possibly ruin someone's life by going to the authorities is very serious and not something that should be done if it wasn't rape. If it was obviously she should but that's what I'm saying, no one knows but herself and that's why you shouldn't get involved.
Where did she say that she was going to report him or 'ruin his life'? There's nothing wrong with a concerned friend, especially over something as serious as rape. If she was intoxicated and anything happened, which she wasn't okay with, then its rape. He should have left her alone while she was drunk, not taken advantage of her. Don't be arrogant, it won't get you far in life.
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Old 03-03-2013, 06:07 AM   #9
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Re: Is this assault?

Anyone under the influence is not able to fully make the decision to have sex. Alcohol is the #1 date rape drug. The fact that he had to force himself on her for her to be 'willing' is disgusting and he should be punished with the law.
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