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Old 06-19-2013, 05:40 PM   #1
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Question Urghh, my parents are SO strict!

Hi
Okk, so my parents are uber strict, and it's really getting me down...
I'm almost 14 years old, but I'm really mature for my age.
I'm homeschooled, so I don't see my friends every day in school like most normal kids.
I'm only allowed to hang out with my friends from until 6.pm after that I have to come home, and I have to tell my parents who I'm going to be with, where I'm going and what we're going to be doing.
I'm not allowed into anyone's house unless we've arranged it before hand, usually when I'm out with my friends, they'll all go to hang out at someone's house, and I'm left on my own.
I've never been to a sleepover in my life, my other friends have sleepovers together every weekend, and yet again I'm the one who's left out.
All my friends do things like go on holiday together, have week long sleepovers, parties, go camping, I'm NEVER allowed...
I'm in the air cadets, and I'm really close with all the guys there, but my dad hates me having friends who are guys, the other day this guy who I'm really close with from cadets came to knock for me and my dad slammed the door in his face...
Boyfriends are out of the question and I'm only allowed to hang round with people who my dad knows their parents, if that makes sense.
I did have a mobile phone, but my dad took it off me because he thought I was 'glued to it too much' (I never hardly used it)
It feels like he just wants to put negative into everything I do... I'm a good child, I do everything he asks (which is a lot, believe me) and I try so hard to get along with my sisters, do good with my work, help around the house.
But he doesn't see any of the good things I do, only the negative.
I've tried talking to him about it but he says "I'm the adult, you're the child, you do as I say." and that's the end of that.
My mum's tried talking him round to letting me do things, but she's never very succsesful.
I'm trying to stay posotive about everything, and not cause a scene if yet again there's something I'm not allowed to do, but it's so hard, yano?
I WANT FREEDOM!
Anyway, theres loads more things I could list, but I'd be here all day!
So, thanks for listening to my rant, and any replies would be SO helpful.
Thanks <3
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Old 06-19-2013, 06:04 PM   #2
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Re: Urghh, my parents are SO strict!

"they'll all go to hang out at someone's house, and I'm left on my own."

Um, go with them? Not like your parents will know. I've done this a thousand times.

"my dad hates me having friends who are guys, the other day this guy who I'm really close with from cadets came to knock for me and my dad slammed the door in his face..."

So even though you know your father hates you having guy friends, you still let them come to your house to look for you? Smart move. Really smart.

"I WANT FREEDOM!"

Don't we all...
But yeah, freedom comes with independence.

Which leads us to the solution of your problem - wait until you have a job, then move out and no one can tell you what to do. It may be 4 more years, or even more, but it's the only solution.
As long as you're a minor, and even longer if you're dependent on your parents financially, you have to listen to them. Nothing you can do.
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Old 06-20-2013, 03:24 AM   #3
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Re: Urghh, my parents are SO strict!

i hate the way your parents are
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Old 06-20-2013, 05:25 PM   #4
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Re: Urghh, my parents are SO strict!

"Um, go with them? Not like your parents will know. I've done this a thousand times."
Don't you think I've tried that? He manages to find out EVERY time & then theres trouble.

So even though you know your father hates you having guy friends, you still let them come to your house to look for you? Smart move. Really smart.
I didn't ask him to come round, I've told him my dad hates my guy friends, but he still came.. I can't control what he does, jeez.
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Old 06-20-2013, 11:40 PM   #5
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Re: Urghh, my parents are SO strict!

When I was younger I was in a similar situation, my friends would always be playing in the street and I would watch them from the window!!
Your parents are just doing what they think is the best for you and you might not see that now, but when I look back, I kind of understood where they were coming from when I wasn't allowed outside.
I guess you've already tried to prove you are responsible, and that might not have worked, but the last thing you want to do is go behind their backs and sneak out, that would put you back into square 1 and you would be worse off than you already are.
I agree with Gloria - there's not a lot you can do, but biding your time and appreciating the things you are allowed to do at the moment is probably the best thing to do, and maybe it will increase chances of being allowed to do more in the future? I was gradually allowed out bit by bit as I proved that I could come home on time and behave etc.
I'm sure you've heard that soooo many times before, but there's not much else you can do!
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Old 06-21-2013, 12:03 AM   #6
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Re: Urghh, my parents are SO strict!

Your parents aren't strict, they're loving and protective.

You on the other hand are still a child.
You're not an adult, you have another 4 years until that point and until then, your parents are legally responsible for you and have every right to police what you do.
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Old 06-21-2013, 02:34 AM   #7
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Re: Urghh, my parents are SO strict!

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Originally Posted by Shonna View Post
Your parents aren't strict, they're loving and protective.

You on the other hand are still a child.
You're not an adult, you have another 4 years until that point and until then, your parents are legally responsible for you and have every right to police what you do.
Harsh post. OP, I'd suggest you to rebel.
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Old 06-21-2013, 02:49 AM   #8
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Re: Urghh, my parents are SO strict!

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Originally Posted by HeyItsDaizy View Post
I'm almost 14 years old, but I'm really mature for my age.

Boyfriends are out of the question
You sound like everybody else, get over it
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Old 06-21-2013, 03:23 AM   #9
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Re: Urghh, my parents are SO strict!

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Originally Posted by Dangermouse View Post
Harsh post. OP, I'd suggest you to rebel.
I'd suggest the same thing so that her parents have even more reason to limit her activities.

FYI;
Post was not harsh.
Post was factual.
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Old 06-21-2013, 03:34 AM   #10
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Re: Urghh, my parents are SO strict!

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I'd suggest the same thing so that her parents have even more reason to limit her activities.

FYI;
Post was not harsh.
Post was factual.
It was slightly harsh. At 14, OP has the right to feel aggrieved.
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Old 06-21-2013, 06:05 AM   #11
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Re: Urghh, my parents are SO strict!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dangermouse View Post
It was slightly harsh. At 14, OP has the right to feel aggrieved.
It was realistic.
At 14, OP is a minor.
At 14, OP's parents are legally responsible for her and a majority of many stupid things she may do.
At 14, everyone thinks they're mature for their age. Even as little as two years later, most people will look back and laugh at how stupid,immature and naive they were at 14.
And lastly, at 14, of course she has the right to feel aggrieved.

Still doesn't change the facts, and still doesn't make what her parents are doing wrong, or even uncommon. Parents who DO let their child do whatever they want, don't discipline them and don't care if they date at that age are not fit parents.

If a parent cannot tell me where their minor child is at any given time, they aren't doing their job as parents.
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Old 06-21-2013, 06:24 AM   #12
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Re: Urghh, my parents are SO strict!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shonna View Post
It was realistic.
At 14, OP is a minor.
At 14, OP's parents are legally responsible for her and a majority of many stupid things she may do.
At 14, everyone thinks they're mature for their age. Even as little as two years later, most people will look back and laugh at how stupid,immature and naive they were at 14.
And lastly, at 14, of course she has the right to feel aggrieved.

Still doesn't change the facts, and still doesn't make what her parents are doing wrong, or even uncommon. Parents who DO let their child do whatever they want, don't discipline them and don't care if they date at that age are not fit parents.

If a parent cannot tell me where their minor child is at any given time, they aren't doing their job as parents.
Your kid is going to have a shit life.
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Old 06-21-2013, 07:48 PM   #13
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Re: Urghh, my parents are SO strict!

lol my kid is going to be loved, well cared for and have rules.
Just like any other kid with good parents.
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Old 06-21-2013, 08:46 PM   #14
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Re: Urghh, my parents are SO strict!

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lol my kid is going to be loved, well cared for and have rules.
Just like any other kid with good parents.


I'm loved, cared for and had rules(I'm 18 now and moved out)


I still think my parents were fantastic.

These parents are clearly overbearing.
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Old 06-21-2013, 09:32 PM   #15
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Re: Urghh, my parents are SO strict!

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I'm loved, cared for and had rules(I'm 18 now and moved out)


I still think my parents were fantastic.

These parents are clearly overbearing.
lol you had rules, because you were a minor.
You no longer have rules because you're now a legal adult(which means your parents are no longer legally responsible for the things you do) and no longer live with your parents.

I thought my parents were extremely overbearing when I was 14 too.
Same rules as OP.
I couldn't go out and party in highschool, my parents wanted to know where I was when I wasn't at school or home, I had a 6pm curfew until I was 16 and a 9pm curfew after that, I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16, and even then, no boys in my bedroom and I couldn't go to their house(or friends houses) if their parents weren't home.
Did I hate it then? Sure.
But now that I'm 23 and having a child of my own, looking back, their rules made a lot of sense and they enforced them because they cared about me, not because they wanted to be assholes and I will definitely be using a lot of them for my own daughter.

Will she hate me for it? Probably sometimes.
However, having some blowups about it definitely beats having her brought home in a police car or pregnant, or ODing at 16, or the numerous other stupid things kids tend to do now.

Will she still be able to rebel and do those things? Sure. But at least I know that I did my best to prevent them and hopefully she'll look back on it the same way I have and realize it was because I cared and not because I like to see her upset.
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