Jokes

sexybumbum · 01-22-2008, 08:13 PM

The Met police found a car bomb outside finsburry park mosque. Luckily they managed to push it inside before it went off.

sexybumbum · 01-22-2008, 08:15 PM

Just had a bloody crash. Hit a car up the arse. The fella got out and he was a dwarf! He said "im not happy".......i said "well which one are you then?"

sexybumbum · 01-22-2008, 08:19 PM

god appears to a man and says he'll have to fags, drink and sex if he wants to go to heaven. A week later god re-appears and asks him how its going. He says "the fags and drink were easy to give up but when my wife bent over to take the meat out of the freezer i jus couldnt resist, i had to give her one there and then." God says "they dont like that sort of thing in heaven you know." The man then replies,"they dont like it in ASDA either!"

sexybumbum · 01-22-2008, 08:22 PM

Boy asks his mum, "is it wrong to have a willy?"
"no, why?" she asks.
"well dads sweating like fuck in the bathroom trying to pull his off!"

sexybumbum · 01-22-2008, 08:23 PM

got a new job with the samaritans last week. Tried to phone in sick and the bastards talked me out of it!

sexybumbum · 01-22-2008, 08:25 PM

Bert and mable in a nursing home.
Bert says, "im leaving you for Ivy cuz she holds my willy all night."
"But so do i." mable replies.
Ber says "Yes but shes got parkinsons."

sexybumbum · 01-22-2008, 08:31 PM

Dr Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt really guilty. No matter how hard he tried, the sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once and a while he'd hear an internal reassuring voice say,"Dave dont worry about it. You arent the first doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you wont be the last. And plus your single so just let it go."
But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality whispering,"Dave your a fucking vet."

LittleDixon91 · 01-22-2008, 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sexybumbum

Dr Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt really guilty. No matter how hard he tried, the sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once and a while he'd hear an internal reassuring voice say,"Dave dont worry about it. You arent the first doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you wont be the last. And plus your single so just let it go."
But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality whispering,"Dave your a fucking vet."

I like this one the others are too dark for my taste