Heya guys
Our performance infront of our school is on friday and we need some good bar jokes to go inbetween out acts. Now if you know any please post them!
Thank you so much

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Peanuts rule our lands with there salty goodness

...What do you mean by bar jokes?

As in, a man walked into a bar etc?

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yeah stuff like that...we already have....two blonds walk into a bar, you would have thought one of them would have noticed.

Just need some good ones

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Peanuts rule our lands with there salty goodness

Google them..

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2 Jews walked into a bar..
No no..
What you don't let jews in your bar?.. You racist bastard..

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A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.

The bartender asks the seal, "What's your pleasure?"

The seal replies, "Anything but Canadian Club."


Two men walked into a bar.

You would think at least one of them would have ducked.

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"

Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.

"How do you know this, Sister?"

"My Mother Superior told me so."

"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"

"Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself"

"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"

"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"

"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know."

The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.

"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"

"Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?"

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if i did i would get alot of shit ones...people on here would say good ones coz they wont be assed to rememeber shit ones lol

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Peanuts rule our lands with there salty goodness

Thank you guys they are pretty good :P

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Peanuts rule our lands with there salty goodness

I can garantee that most of these the people are posting are off Google... Fuck sake

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I got mine from a DVD actually .. Oh yeah

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Hahahahaha!! That second one tickled me...

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I don't know if this is a bar joke, but some person posted this joke a while ago on this site..

Q : "What's the useless skin around the vagina called?"

A : "A woman!"

Lol. xD

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Haha.. I've heard that one before...

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