Man vs Women JOKES =D

CrystalColoredRainbow · 06-10-2008, 01:16 AM

A lil new thread for Women and men jokes , even the most sexist ones are allowed....They're JUST JOKES PEOPLE !!

The perfect man is gentle
Never cruel or mean
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean.
The perfect man likes children
And will raise them by your side
He will be a good father
As well as a good husband to his bride.
The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too
He'll do anything in his power
To convey his feelings of love on to you.
The perfect man is sweet
Writing poetry from your name
He's a best friend to your mother
And kisses away your pain.
He never has made you cry
Or hurt you in any way
To hell with this endless poem
The perfect man is gay !

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REASONS WHY GUITARS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN

1. A guitar has a volume knob
2. If you break a guitar's G-string, it only costs $.79 for a new one
3. You can make a guitar scream as loud as you want it to
4. You can unplug a guitar
5. You can finger a guitar for hours without it complaining it wants more
6. Other people can play your guitar without it getting upset
7. You can finger a guitar in public and get applause, not arrested
8. You can have a guitar any color you want and no one will care
9. You can make your guitar as tight as you want it just by turning a peg.
10. If your guitar doesn't make sounds you like, you can return it
11. You can use four fingers at a time on a guitar
12. If your guitar strings are too heavy, you can just get a lighter set
13. You can have a guitar professionally adjusted to *your* liking
14. If you scratch a guitar's back, it's unintentional, not required
15. You can go to a guitar shop and play all the guitars you want for free
16. It's good to have a guitar that's stretched out.
17. You can take lessons on how to play a guitar without feeling embarrassed.
18. You can rent a guitar without worrying about who rented it before you.
19. You can play the guitar with your bare fingers and no protective covering.
20. You can get rich playing a guitar, not broke.
21. A guitar doesn't take half of everything you own when you sell it.

CrystalColoredRainbow · 06-10-2008, 01:20 AM

ELEMENT NAME: WOMAN

SYMBOL: WO

ATOMIC WEIGHT: (DON'T DARE ASK!)
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

Various Sizes, Shapes And Colors.
Generally Round In Form.
Boils At Any Temperature, Yet Freezes At Any Time.
Melts When Treated Properly.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
Very Active Substance.
Very Unstable.
Bonds Strongly To Gold, Silver, Platinum And Precious Gems.
Able To Absorb Great Amounts Of Exotic Food.

USAGE: Highly ornamental.
Great Catalyst For Dispersion Of Wealth.
The Most Powerful Income Reducing Agent Known.
Often Used For Cell Reproduction.

CAUTIONS:
Highly Explosive In Inexperienced Hands.
Violent when left alone.
When Combined With XY, The Element KD Is Created.

COMMENTS:
Turns Slightly Green When Exposed To A Superior Specimen.
Very Bitter If Not Used Properly.

__________________________________________________ _________________

ELEMENT NAME: MAN

SYMBOL: XY

ATOMIC WEIGHT: (180 +/- 50)
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
Solid At Room Temperature And Can Easily Be Bent Out Of Shape.
Usually Dense (Sometimes Flaky)
Pure Samples Difficult To Obtain.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
Tends To Bond With Element WO (Woman) Any Chance It Gets.
Tends To Form Strong Bonds With Self.

USAGE: NONE KNOWN.
Possible Good Methane Source.
(Good Samples Produce Large Quantities.)
CAUTIONS:
Becomes Explosive When Mixed With Element KD (Child) For Prolonged Periods.
(Can Be Neutralized By Dousing With Alcohol).
In The Absence Of WO, This Element Rapidly Decomposes And Begins To Smell.
COMMENTS:
Aged Samples Unable To Conduct Electricity As Easily As Young Samples.