Some funny virgin jokes.

Neal · 10-01-2008, 02:43 AM

This is something I came up with all in 1 night some nights ago.

This is also some of the things a mix of the reoccuring other posts I have made.

You can plug in the word virgin for Neal.

This is how you can find someone that is Neal irl lol.

You know you're a Neal when the following applies to you:

Rules if you're Neal.

1.It don't matter whether a girl is single or not. It don't matter whether a girl is single, in a relationship, married, or with, grandkids! They're all the same! The success rate of me gettin with a married woman is just as likely as me gettin with a single chick.

2.It don't matter whether a girl is a lesbian or not. Suppose I had sex with a lesbian girl, and she doesn't find pleasure in it because of her sexual orientation. Then what difference does it make if she were straight? That's the point I'm gettin at!

What I say to da female:

3.Ay, wanna know what I say to the female? I see to the female, "For as long as you think I can't have any or deserve any, you probably will avoid, givin me any." That's what I say to da female!

4.What's the only way that I could no longer be single?

The only way for me to no longer be single is if society was arranged so that women could have multiple husbands. For as long as there's the 1 man to 1 woman cult and marriage, is for as long as I stay single.

Like religion, marriage is a cock-blocker. Having a boyfriend is a cock-blocker.

5.Where's the best place for me to lose my virginity?

Well, it ain't the college and it ain't the high school. It's to a widow in the nursing home.

Alright, there's some widows in retirement homes, and a heck of a lot more widows in nursing homes.

However, that whole generation is religious.

6.Where's the place to meet the nicest females on the planet?

The nicest females ain't in high school and they ain't in college. The nicest females are in nursing homes! Followed by retirement homes and senior communities. That's the place to meet the nicest females on the planet!

K, the nicest point in a female's life isn't in her teens or in her 20s, it's when she's in her 80s and 90s. Etc. And by that time, she's too old.

7.What does it mean when girls in swimming pool areas or at the beach look at me?

When I'm in swimming pool areas, when girls look at me or glance at me, like in swimming pools or while sunbathing, they're not looking to check me out or anything, they're checking to make sure I'm not looking at them, or seeing if I'm a creepy, perverted, peeeedophile! This is why, I don't go to beaches, or at least, I shouldn't go to beaches.

8.At what time of day is a virgin most likely to lose his virginity?

Answer: None! There are no 69s on a clock! The digital clock stops at 59 p.m., then it resets to 0, it don't go past 59!

9.What does it mean if I wear sunglasses and talk to females?

When I wear sunglasses, it don't mean I'm cool or badass, it means I don't got the testicle to look females in the eye, so I have to wear shades.

The double standard females have on men (or I):

10.What's the double standards that men have (or I have) when associating with females, *with* cleavage?

Guys or I have 2 choices:

1.)If I look them in the eye the whole time, and never look at their cleavage hanging out, they could go "Wow, you haven't looked or stared or glanced at my boobs, you must be *purposely* trying not to look or forcing yourself not to look!"

After all, what do women like most? Honesty! They like guys that are honest! And they like guys to be real, themselves, and *not* with a "fake" personality.

Or.

2.)A guy could look at them sometimes and sometimes look them in the eye. Then the female will know that he's a perrrrrrrrvert or peeeeeedophile, especially if she's younger than him.

That's the double standard men (or I) have.

So which is better? For women showing cleavage, is it always looking them in the eye or sometimes looking them in the eye?

This is actually a trick question, because there's actually a 3rd choice.

Can anyone guess what it is?

There's also the 3rd choice of always not looking them in the eye!

11.How is it a good thing if I'm locked up in the state prison?

There are actually several good things if I'm locked up.

It means I don't get the chance to.

a.)Look at females at where they don't want to be looked.
b.)Approach females when they don't want me to approach.
c.)If I have boners, I have them in the privacy of no females.
d.)And, in prison, if I masterbate, I do it right in front of security camera viewed by law enforcement.

Or, to summarize the above.

1) - 4.)Deterrence from women!

Deterrence from me going to the beach. Deterrence from me going to the swimming pool areas. Etc.

12.What's the most *randomest* question you can ask a girl?

Okay.. you got this 1...

13.What does I say to a female when I walk into a restaurant and a female says to me, "Hello, would you like to go to smoking or non-smoking section?"

I say to the female:

"Having a smoking, and a non-smoking, section, in a restaurant, is like having a urinating, and non-urinating, section, in a swimming pool!"

14.How come virgins don't ever make it to the vagina?

In order to know that, you 1st need to know what the vagina stands for.
What does the vagina stand for?

Vagina = virgins are going in no accomplishment

How comes virgins never make it with real girls?

The reason virgins never make it to the vagina, is because virgin stands for.

Vaginas in real girls intercept no suckers.

I doubt I can ever come up with any others but maybe someday.

eyeofthegorgon · 10-01-2008, 03:01 AM

replave retirement home with christian charity shop and... im a neal

The Wolf · 10-01-2008, 04:30 AM

Ha, looks like you spent time on these.

Neal · 10-08-2008, 04:13 AM

Quote:

Rules if you're Neal.

1.It don't matter whether a girl is single or not. It don't matter whether a girl is single, in a relationship, married, or with, grandkids! They're all the same! The success rate of me gettin with a married woman is just as likely as me gettin with a single chick.

2.It don't matter whether a girl is a lesbian or not. Suppose I had sex with a lesbian girl, and she doesn't find pleasure in it because of her sexual orientation. Then what difference does it make if she were straight? That's the point I'm gettin at!

Wow duuuude I totally forgot #3:

It goes something like:

3.It don't matter whether I know a female personally or not - it's all the same! All of these are the glass-wall relationship. The only difference is that if I went to a female that I knew personally and left, she won't go "Who was that random guy that randomly talked to me?"

But if not for that - it don't matter whether I just met a girl, known her for 10 minutes, or 10 years - it's all the same! The bond-strength is the same.

Neal · 11-30-2008, 05:04 AM

16.What's the only night of the year that justifies a guy knocking on a hot girl's door and ringing her doorbell?

Example: A guy knows where this hot chick lives, and wants to ring her doorbell to greet her.

Halloween! Halloween night is the only night of the year that justifies that!

Halloween night is the only night of the year where you get in your car and drive all over the city to knock on all the hot females door just to trick or treat.

17.What does it mean if a guy like me ends up in the same retirement home as a hot girl I knew from childhood or teenhood?

It means it ain't no coincidence we ended up in the same retirement! It ain't no coincidence - so someone was being the stalker!

18.What does I say if a girl or a feminist says "Behind every man is a better woman."

I say to the feminist or female: "Not every man has a woman."

19.

Suppose I greet a female "Wassup man." And suppose she was very technical and replied "I'm not a man," then I reply to her "What difference does it make?"

Her absolute logic, of course, would be to reply "There is no difference, just not grammatically correct." In this case, this isn't a philosophical issue, but a language issue.

20.What does I reply when a hot chick asks me in person if I think she's hot or not?

I say "Yes. Yes, I think you're hot."

And then I say, "I ain't dead yet. I'm still young enough to find hotness in girls."

The "I ain't dead yet" is my strongest argument, unfortunately, on why I think hot chicks are hot.

DontBother · 11-30-2008, 05:51 AM

On Number 5 you completely forgot about Brothels, mind you.. They still might turn you down

Kidding.

doolie · 11-30-2008, 07:41 AM

uhhhh, not funny....

Most Vicious Pitbull · 11-30-2008, 11:34 AM

Hahahaha.