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Old 08-08-2012, 08:04 AM   #1
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Unhappy I need advice

So this is the situation:
I've dating this guy for 3 years now. The first year was incredible, everything was perfect, everyone loved him, couldn't ask for any better. When I was about ready to leave for school, he got nervous and dumped me. I was, like normal, devastated and cried alot over the break up. We only ended up being apart for 2 months, and neither one of us had seen any one else, not even casually (we had been each others firsts and that was important to the both of us). When I actually left for school we talked on the phone and text all the time, and he finally decided to come up to visit me. We talked things through and decided we wanted to take another shot. When my parents found out about this they were furious. They didn't understand why I would get back with someone who hurt me so bad, even when I tried to explain it to them. The next year was rocky, he tried to visit me every weekend even when at times he lived over 6 hours from where I was going to school. My parents were always mad and I wasn't allowed to bring up his name ever. This made things really difficult at times for me. This past summer I moved home for the summer. My parents made a rule that I was forbidden from seeing him. This really hurt me but I made time to see him, and was able to put aside a few hours a week to spend time with him. It's been a great summer so far and we've become closer than ever. He even decided he was going to move to the same city I am going to school in when I move back in September! This past weekend my boyfriend and I were at a party and both ended up getting a little too drunk. Things were going good until a guy started to threaten him and wanted to fight him. The guy finally took a swing and him and my boyfriend tried to defend himself by fighting back. The fight got out of control to the point that my boyfriend was tazered and cuffed and driven home. Being from a small town my cousins all reported back to my parents what happened, instead twisting the story to make it sound like my boyfriend was the one who did the attacking (which he WAS NOT). Now on top of my own struggles about the fight and how I want to handle it and my own confusions, I have to listen to my parents and their ragging about how dangerous and psychotic he is. I feel like they are both making me choose a side and it sucks. I no longer have any idea what to do. Please help.
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Old 08-08-2012, 08:08 AM   #2
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Re: I need advice

Explain the story, maybe even write it down for them.
I think the best thing in this scenario, would be to have your boyfriend visit and talk to them. I understand that's something they probably don't want, but no matter how nice your guy is, he is not in your parents eyes, and if you want to continue to have a more peaceful family relationship, I think your boyfriend should have the chance to talk to your parents, either privately, or with you.
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Old 08-08-2012, 04:00 PM   #3
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Re: I need advice

Okay, first up, depending on how old you are, your parents need to learn to respect the fact that you're with this guy, and than you want and chose to be with this guy. A one-off fight does not make him a wanted criminal. He's an average guy who got picked on and defended himself. I think maybe (again, depending on how old you guys are) the fact that he was drunk and 'disorderly' may be the reason as to why he was initially arrested.

I think like Hipster said, maybe introduce the two. Tell your parents straight that he's coming over to visit you and he's taken a lot of time and effort to do so, so to be polite to him. Maybe things will start working out from there. If not though, you have to consider the fact that do you want this guy to ruin your relationship with your parents? No matter how annoying they may be, family always come first and if they don't approve of this guy, they may begin to distance themselves and resent your lifestyle - simply because he is in it.
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Last edited by hannah63; 08-08-2012 at 04:03 PM..
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Old 08-08-2012, 09:27 PM   #4
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Re: I need advice

Now now honey,

There's very little need to get upset and dig in deep, the situation, as you've explained it, seems to me to be full of external influences (cousins, your parents trying to force you, you also mention stuff like 'everyone liked him') you really do not need. Just ignore the hassle.

Be with who makes you happy that's the most important thing. As long as you know in your heart you were happy, you'll never look back in anger!
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Old 08-09-2012, 07:08 AM   #5
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Re: I need advice

I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 6 months older than I am. We've practically grown up together. He's also SUPER nervous about coming over, because let's face it who wants to go somewhere they are hated. I've told my parents they need to respect this and it doesn't work, and I've also tried to tell them the whole story. We have also tried to spend time apart to see if that works (as if we were broken up) and we both end up real upset and missing each other. I can't obviously live without him, but I clearly can't live with him, cause some days my parents will hardly talk to me. We used to have such a good relationship (my parents and I) and now they are critical about everything I do. I really am SO lost and have no idea where to go and where to turn. My last option is to leave things for now and hopefully pick up somewhere in the future, but I fear things will change and my parents will still be unaccepting, and possibly grow even more hatred towards him. :/
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Old 08-09-2012, 04:09 PM   #6
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Re: I need advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by angelface View Post
I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 6 months older than I am. We've practically grown up together. He's also SUPER nervous about coming over, because let's face it who wants to go somewhere they are hated. I've told my parents they need to respect this and it doesn't work, and I've also tried to tell them the whole story. We have also tried to spend time apart to see if that works (as if we were broken up) and we both end up real upset and missing each other. I can't obviously live without him, but I clearly can't live with him, cause some days my parents will hardly talk to me. We used to have such a good relationship (my parents and I) and now they are critical about everything I do. I really am SO lost and have no idea where to go and where to turn. My last option is to leave things for now and hopefully pick up somewhere in the future, but I fear things will change and my parents will still be unaccepting, and possibly grow even more hatred towards him. :/
You know what, fuck them. You're 19, not 12. Like you said, you can't 'live' without this guy you two obviously want to be together, so do it, be together. Work really hard to work things out, try to tolerate your parents, and then months, maybe years down the line your parents will see how they were wrong about you two the whole time (and especially, wrong about him). Maybe they'll gradually warm to him. You can't live your life still holding your parents hands, make your own decisions
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Old 08-10-2012, 08:38 AM   #7
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Re: I need advice

most parents think they know everything. that's why they're restricting us from something they think is not good for us.
well, on my pov, parents should be for once disobeyed.
but i'm not saying that they should not be respected anymore.
you can always disregard what they were all saying in a polite or a nice way that is something not disrespectful.
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