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Old 09-18-2012, 12:04 PM   #1
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Please help

Okay, so here is my story. I'm 17 now but I was 16 when it starts. I met a guy at the begining of the year (online if that matters). We hit it off immediately. Fell in love and I just knew he was perfect in every way. We got engaged shortly after that. We had everything planned out as far as how we were going to live and everything (I won't waste space with details but it was a workable plan). Everything was great for almost 6 months to the day. I dont know exactly what happened....my best friend, a guy (actually, my only real friend left as the rest all graduated last year) was dumped by his gf of a year and right away, the guy i was with started to annoy me. couldn't do anything right and it took about 2 weeks for me to fall completely out of love with him, to the point i didn't even want to see his face. at the same time i'm now in love with the new guy and he is even more perfect if that makes sense. it's been about 3 weeks now and i want to spend the rest of my life with him.
Here is my question. A lot of my friends say that I wasn't really over the other guy that i was just lonely because of the distance and i am going to wake up and be like wtf did i do? and still other friends say that the new guy wasn't over HIS gf and that is why he came for me so fast and he is going to wake up and realize he isn't really in love with me....Anyways, did I pretty much set myself up for failure? How is this going to play out?
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Old 09-18-2012, 12:27 PM   #2
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Re: Please help

You met him online, not every person you meet online is perfect.
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Old 09-18-2012, 12:43 PM   #3
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Re: Please help

Well I bet in a few months you'll get sick of this one too, then find someone else you "want to spend the rest of your life with".
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Old 09-18-2012, 12:46 PM   #4
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Re: Please help

Did you have any interest in the guy you're with now before he broke up with his girlfriend? Because if you didn't, it does seem like you guys rushed into a relationship. However, you guys may or may not have legitimate feelings for each other, and you'll probably figure out the legitimacy as time goes on since it's only been a few weeks.

Also, I'd say yes to you setting yourself up for failure, but because of this image of perfection you've set up for these guys that they'll never actually be able to live up to. It's great that you think they have good qualities, but slowly you'll realize they have bad qualities too, and that's okay! You can learn to understand and hopefully be comfortable, to some extent, that these bad qualities make up part of them too, not just their positive side.

And you don't have to be in any hurry to make any huge life commitments, it's okay to just enjoy spending time with them, if you really love them and they love you, they're not going anywhere. You don't need to get engaged right away or commit to yourself that this is the guy for you forever.
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Old 09-19-2012, 03:06 AM   #5
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Re: Please help

so what if it doesn't work out, stop lining every guy you go out with up as a potential life partner, go with the flow and make sure your happy, don't cater to anyone else's needs
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Old 09-19-2012, 03:26 AM   #6
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Re: Please help

Love is an extremely unpredictable thing. By the sound of things you seem to be (emotionally) investing a hell of a lot into your relationships to the point where it seems like all or nothing - either you're idealising them or you have no desire whatsoever. Trust me, I understand and I'm not going to tell you to stop thinking this way because it's a difficult mindset to snap out of, but until you've seen the negative side of people you can't really say you're in love with them, because love means that you look beyond that and stick through it. Anyway, you're 17 - don't let your life be controlled by your relationships. You have plenty of time to really fall in love.

Sorry for the rambling cliches but I hope that's some food for thought
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Old 09-19-2012, 07:32 AM   #7
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Re: Please help

Yes, that is exactly what my friends have said to describe me. All or nothing. The part that is confusing is, yes i do tend to fall rather easily but it has never happened anything at all like it did with these two guys. This is what is confusing me.....like....i knew for so long that the first guy was everything i wanted. And instantly it went away when my friend became available. Now granted he was far away and i know i got a little lonely, but i never had feelings for my friend before, why did i all of a sudden feel nothing for my bf and fall so much in love with my friend? It is all just so confusing and i don't know what i am doing or should be doing. I just wish none of this had ever happened because i know im going to end up hurt
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