Looking for help about recent break-up.

lookingfor_help · 11-30-2012, 03:47 AM

Sorry - this will be long.

My boyfriend and I recently broke up, and at the time I felt completely convinced that it was the right decision. Some time has gone by in the meantime, however, and I'm starting to miss him and feel compelled to call him.

What I'm looking for is just people who will tell me their honest opinion on whether or not we should get back together. The reason that I'm asking here is that I can't ask any of my friends because they know him and I don't want to be responsible for people saying mean things about him behind his back.

Long story short, he's the type who completely loses his temper when he gets mad. I always stay civil because I was raised to, but I've learned to just forget the things that he says. When we broke up, though, I asked him to pay back some money that he owes me (about 300 dollars), and he said some things that I don't know if I can ever forget. It was things like "you are so fat, seriously, it's disgusting", "go live your pathetic life you fat bitch", "your calves are so big it's ridiculous" (I do have bigger calves than the average - something that he knows that I've been very self-conscious about), "I'm so glad we're not together anymore so I can finally be with the girl that I actually love" and so on. I'm about 5'6" and weigh 143 pounds. I'm not sure if that's fat, but I've never thought so until I met him.

Obviously I'm not stupid and if a guy treated ANY of my friends the way that he's treated me, I would tell them to leave him and never speak to him again, and that's what I want for myself, too. It's just that with all of my emotions all messed up and everything, I'm starting to doubt whether it's really as bad as I originally thought... So please help me. Please, please, please tell me that it IS bad and that it IS unforgivable, so that I never get back together with him.

kellylee · 11-30-2012, 05:24 AM

Well I think you already know what he did is unacceptable. Regardless if he was upset at the time or not, you never speak to someone you care about in such a tone. To me, sounds like you're better off without him. That's a low blow if he knew you were self conscious about something and said it anyways. I think you made a wise decision in breaking up with him. It can be hard to break up because the comfort of habit is always going to drag you back in. You're use to him calling everyday at 6pm and texting him all day and every day... etc. It can be hard to break those habits and comforts at first. Try occupying your time with other things. Find a hobby that you enjoy or volunteer within your community. You have to create new habits to get out of the old ones. It can be difficult, but it can be done. I say be done with him and move on. You need to find someone who can be mad at you without being hurtful. As people we all get angry, but it is NO excuse for the behavior he showed there. Whether he's sorry he said it or not.

thepapsychstudent · 11-30-2012, 07:00 AM

I agree with Kelly. Someone that loves you will not speak to you that way. I have been called fat and other names my whole life but not by people who love me. Stay away from him he's bad news

~EmoCuttingAngel~ · 11-30-2012, 10:39 AM

That is a perfect example of the stereotypical asshole. I somewhat understand why you want him back, but he ain't worth it. I am pretty sure their are plenty of other guys out there that would treat you 1,000 times better than he'd treat you or any other girl.

Chessplayer · 12-01-2012, 08:43 AM

I would recommend that he take sensitivity and anger management classes and see if it changes him, if it doesn't/ he won't take the classes, then leave him. Sorry, but relationships like this can escalate until one of you does something you'll regret.

(8)jaseyrae<3 · 12-04-2012, 01:46 AM

Totally understand where you're coming from, I've had a relationship like this. I know as time goes on you get nostalgic and think about all the good times you had, but you have to remember how bad the bad times were too. Because if you were to get back with this guy, guarentee you'd only get hurt again, worse. There are loads of guys out there, and this one isn't worth the hassle - you deserve to be with someone who's going to treat you right.

Bitani · 12-08-2012, 03:43 AM

Sounds like an ass. No, don't get back together or whatever you're asking. I didn't read.

If he says that shit to you, he thinks that on the inside. I know because I've done it.

The only girl I really loved I NEVER had any insulting thoughts about.

Nicole B · 12-14-2012, 07:26 PM

You can find better..

ILoveToFalconCum · 12-27-2012, 01:40 AM

Forget that jackass and move on. You can do it!

MsCookieMonster · 12-28-2012, 06:50 AM

He doesn't love you if he will treat you like that and he will only treat you bad over and over. Why go back to someone like that? There are wonderful guys out there. Move on and save yourself from pain and save your time for somebody who will treat you like you deserve to be treated.

sometimesIjustdontknow · 12-28-2012, 11:19 AM

yea girl theres no reason to ever put up with that. You'll find someone better. on to the next one. Do not take this kid back and waste your time. Your definitely not fat he's just grasping at straws so he can find some way to bring you down. He's pathetic, dont even pay him any attention. Your beautiful and he's a douche.