Alright so my ex boyfriend and I dated for almost 2 years and we are each other's first loves. (he is 17) I am a year older than him but it didn't matter to me and it didn't affect our relationship. Things were great between us, we had so much fun together and we got along great. However I had some personal problems and I pushed him away with this and acted crazy at times. I was jealous and kind of controlling.. I used to freak out a lot but I stopped a long time ago. We love each other and before I knew he was in love with me too. We broke up 2.5 months ago and I am devastated. I think I pushed him away at the end because he saw a FB msg from a guy friend and jumped to conclusions and he was just being really distant and moody. I begged and pleaded and did a lot of things I shouldn't have to try to get him back and obviously it didnt work. I then left him alone.
2 weeks after we broke up he texted me and said 'I miss you, I'm sorry, I understand if you don't want to get back together, please don't ignore me' blablabla. I was so happy because I thought I'd have another chance! But once I replied he was distant again. Eventually I got him to come to my house and it ended badly, I started crying and told him to leave me alone for good because he was being so cold. I kicked him out but he called me back out to say 'he thought we wouldnt work out before but now he didnt know if that was true' so I kind of thought he didn't want to lose me? I tried to leave him alone after that but I couldn't.. Since then I have seen him 3 times, we had sex two of those times but we hung out with friends beforehand and it was fun! His body language shows he still likes me, he acts like it.. the last time he slept over at my house and we spent all day together because my dad was home so he couldnt leave and it was good! But we ended in a fight because I saw he was talking to another girl and I was pushing for him to take me back... He also got jealous/mad about the fact that I was going to go to a party with my 'slut' friend. He cried in front of me that night because I read him a poem I wrote for him and told him how much I loved him.
The last time I've seen or talked to him was 3 weeks ago when we were going to hangout with friends and met up but the friends ditched. He was in a 'bad mood' and 'didn't want to hang with me' so I cried and left. Texted him to leave me alone because I couldn't do this anymore. And I havent heard from him since. I should mention that before the 1st time he contacted me he never initiated texts, he would usually respond but typically take his time...
I just wonder... is this really it for us? I've seen a lot of highschool couples break up and get back together like this but I am scared that its for good for us. It feels like its been forever... I was really depressed for the 2 months and still kind of am. I was suicidal/depressed because I love him so much and I was hurting so badly. I've changed so much even since the last time I saw him, but I don't ever see him unless we plan it because I graduated already. I'm scared he will find a new girl at school and forget me. He is my first love and I am his... 2 years is a long time... Our anniversary is the end of next month too which just makes everything even worse for me. Guys... What can I do to get another chance?! I'm not going to contact him again, but I am so scared he won't contact me either... I just want to be with him but it feels like each day my chances are getting slimmer. Is it likely he will come back from what you've seen from people you know? Or in your opinion?.. I just feel really desperate for help right now