So, I'm kind of in bad mood so I'm just going to rant. I don't care if you read this or not. But i can't really do this to my friends because they know the people I'm talking about, and so Idk, i just want to get out what I'm feeling, w/o being judged.

So, this has never been my personality, but I Feel kind of lonely. Which is weird. I always surround myself with people and I can usually find a good time anywhere. But I feel no matter who I hang out with I have no fun. Its so weird. I got accepted to college, so I have been laxing on my school work now. So on the week nights I actually hang out with people. One person in particular I hang out with alot. Lets call her Jennifer. I used to kind of like this girl, but she had a boyfriend, so I could never get anywher. We worked together, and got to know each other really well. She broke up with her boyfriend about 4 months ago and we have been hanging out alot. I was really happy at first. I mean we would go to the park one on one, and she would call me to hang out. There was a 2 week period we we hung out almost everyday. We would hold hands and i was so estaic. I was so suprised. I swear she is out of my league. Well I kind of neglected my other friends, a mistake on my part. But honestly, all my other friends annoy me. They both are chasing other girls and rarely call me to hang out. And when they do want to hang out, i can't seem to the motivation. The only real motivation i have to hang out is with Jennifer or my other friend Tom. Everyone else just kind of annoys me. It so weird. No one ever gets on my nerves. Well...i've been hanging out with this girl for like 4 weeks now all we've ever done is held hands. I'm not even sure if I like her anymore. I mean...i dream about her, which usualy means i like them, but at the same time, when ever I think in the slightest she is trying to reject me, which is easy to think beucase we have gotten no where in 4 weeks, i get kind of depressed. girls usually break up with me, and it sucks everytime. I realize that I should talk to her. But lately, everytime we hang out her mom is in the next room or something, so we don't really hold hands. I tried to see if she even wanted me to grab for her hand, and when i didn't try, she grabbed my hand. But when I try to grab for her, she always ... holds for a second then moves away. I don't get it. She has this duality that I don't understand. She calls me all the time to hang out and when I come over, I don't really have fun, because we usually just sit on her coach, and I try to hold her hand. Actually, I only don't have fun when I feel like shes rejecting me. But I don't think shes rejecting me becasue seh still always wants to hang out and she never lets me leave her house. Like she'll hide my keys or my jacket or something or will pull me down. SO I don't konw what to do. Her friends aren't much help. I'm pretty close with her friends and fresh/soph year they would tell me stuff about other girls I liked that they were friend with. but anytime i mention her, they just don't even acknowledge it. I don't get it at all. I really want to talk but i haven't had a chance. I just feel like she doesn't like me, but I can't justify it. There are times where we text each other constantly for a like 2 hours, and other times when i text her and she her responsed are short, and unwilling to make convo. She rarely texts me also. Maybe shes the cause of this. I try to go out and have fun with my other friends, but I just can't have fun. Maybe I'm jealous that they are all sitting around me holding their soon to be girlfriends, and flirting and holding hands and whatever, and I"m sitting there by myself, thinking of jennifer....I have historically been the guy with a girlfriend or with a love interest, not them. The whole situation is just getting me down. Even though it is a wednesday night, i feel like I need to be out partying. Thats the first problem, and since i'm not partying, i feel lonely. it also doesn't help that I only drink with my family. I won't have a beer at a party, so subsequently, I don't get invited to those types of parties. Jennifer likes those parties. And since I dont do that, I just end up hanging out with her at her hosue or at a park or starbucks or something. But i really like her now that I think about it. I kind of wavier alot. I'm not even sure if i like her sometimes. Esp since other girls text me all the time and stuff. Maybe that hurst to. I get tones of texts/calls from girls I dont like, but the girl I do like doesn't call me. Maybe I shoud just start drinking at parties. Idk. also i get let down, because everytime I hang out with her thinking we are going to hook up, or kiss or something, and I end up with just a really passionate hug. Oh, and Prom is staring appear over the horizion. okay. If anyone wants to comment on how i'm kind of worthless now and I should shape up, please do. Rant Over.