Hi, well i don't really know why i'm doing this but i guess it's just so i can get it off my chest or whatever, so here goes.

I don't like my life. Sometimes i do, sometimes it's ok but when i think about it and when something goes wrong, then comes the depressed stuff.

I'm not attractive, and no that's not just my own judgment (i think i'm neither hot or ugly i just think i'm not attractive) it's by observing that i can't get a real girlfriend makes me realise that girls must not be attracted to me and that they think i'm not hot.

I did have a "fling" or a "thing" with i guess 3 people over a period of about 4 months, none of them worked out.
The first thing was with a girl that i had a crush on for ages, we spent valentines day together and i had no idea that she liked me that way, but she owed me a valentines day kiss, and after that things just got better as the day wore on. I spent the whole day with her, helping her at work, talking to her, few kisses and a little touchie at the end of the day (her mum came home though before it got further. and no sex) We talked about how this would change things, i thought she wanted it to happen (thats why we kissed etc, right?)
The next day i went in for the kiss at school, she pulled away and from what i can remember i was a little disappointed, but it was worse because it was the weekend the next day, and that weekend for me was the crappiest weekend ever because i was alone, i had no idea what the girl wanted and yeah. I later found out that she didn't like me that way.

The second "fling" with a girl wasn't much we met in a class at school, my friend gave her my number and we started texting each other after school and on weekends. I tried to impress her every chance i had because to me she's way out of my league. We hardly talked at school (i guess thats my fault, everythings my fault) and eventually i guess she realised how much of a loser i was and she ended it before it even began. We don't text anymore.

The 3rd thing is this girl that i'm not attracted to at all likes me, one weekend i let her came over (i think i only let her come over because i knew something might happen) she came over and we had sex, that was my first time, i wish it didn't happen because i don't like the girl in that way and not attracted to her.

Next subject i guess,
I have friends, both chicks and guys, just no good friends or a best friend. No friends that i can talk to without them thinking that i'm a weirdo, and no friends that i would be even comfortable to talk to about my feels or whatever. I rarely see my friends out of school.

I'm a one of the "losers" in my school. Theres the cool kids and the not cool kids, i'm in the not cool kids. Although some popular kids do hang out with me and i am their friend (i think) so to them i'm not a loser (i hope) but to the other popular cool kids and to the good looking girls, i am a loser.
Today one of them was talking to a mate of mine sitting next to me, i looked at him and he said "what are you looking at" (something like that anyway) and threw something at me, it hit me under my eye (i think the guy was just mucking around i don't know but it wasn't a full throw, just a little throw if you know what i mean) i swore at him and tried to find the thing he threw so i could through it back at him, i couldn't find it. And now i wish that i got up and put him on the ground and punched him a few times, but i don't have the balls to do that and i always forget to when something like that happens.

Why can't i get the balls to punch someone when they give me crap? I hate it and want to punch them when i walk away, but it's to late.

Exams are next week i'm probably going to fail. And if i fail one exam for a particular subject i fail the whole subject for the whole year because i was caught "cheating" in a test and thats my punishment. (i wasn't cheating by the way)

I also have stacks of homework and i have no motivation to do it, all my subjects are boring.

So yeah theres my year 11 so far, bad bad bad.

I'm not really looking for advice or anything because i can probably predict what people will say, i'm just writing this for something to do and to avoid doing homework i guess. This took like an hour and sorry for the wall of text but i hope some of you read it.

Thanks.

Despite the fact you don't care, I feel I have something I can contribute. Hopefully you will read it and it will help you.

Ever seen the Matrix? This is your decision. You can take the red pill, my pill, and say good buy to your fake world of meaningless desires. Or you can take the blue pill. The mainstream. Still living in your perception of the world.

Time to do what 19th century Russian nihilists thought. Time to start over and re think or values.

Why do you want a girlfriend? Why does it matter? How will this achieve or effect your life? What do you need? What do you want in life now? Why did you have sex?

Sex is a feeling of nature. Yet so are so many other things denied by our world.

Why are you a loser in high school? Define a "loser". Define "cool kids." Then decide what is the purpose of high school? Are you fulfilling that purpose? If you are, your not a loser. If you are not, your losing.

Why are you going to fail? What makes you think that? Why not think "I'm going to crushed those damned finals and the shallow bitches that create them."

Why do you have no motivation? So theres just nothing driving you? Think of your hero(s). What would they do concerning this homework situation? If they would not do it then re think your values, get a different hero.

It seems what you want right now is...

Decent grades. A girl friend. A more cool status. What is it that you would find enjoyable out of this? Why couldn't you get enjoyment or happiness out of something else? Do you really want to be cool? (Assuming that is what you want.)

Reconsider who you are and what you want. You may find that everything you have been aiming at (Besides grades) is meaningless and a waste. I think you can get better feelings and satisfaction else where. Live a busy, hard working life that you want to live. You will be too busy for your sexual drives. That and in the end you will feel accomplished.

Good luck to you. I hope I have helped.

I stopped reading at this point because I realized it was pathetic.

You got half way through.. Congratz?
You made a totally useless post which didn't need to be said.. Congratz?

Although i agree with you, doesn't mean you have to be so blunt about it.
Just a heads up, might be worth reading the 2nd announcement in this forum if you plan to write more useless "insulting" posts.

If you care so much, do something about it. The popular kids are just people, as are you. They aren't better than you. Most of them are probably worse. I know doing something about your situation is way easier said than done.

I have my fair share of girl issues too, and i really have a hard time with it, but i realize that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. I do very well in school, i am very athletic, and excel in pretty much every sport i've tried and i pick up things very quickly. My dad is also a very talented musician so i picked that up too.

NOW, with all that behind me, i have social issues, and have a hard time getting to know people. I wouldn't say im "socially challenged" but im really bad at getting to know girls. I have been trying really hard to work through that, and i think you should do the same.

Think about everything that your good at, and use it to your advantage. Feel good about yourself, and get close to the friends you already have.

Whoa Atiila man.. that is some deep stuff, that really helped me myself tbh, thanks for that!

Me personally, I'm in grade 11 too, I go to an almost all boy school, 7-10 all boys, 11-12 co-ed. I got over the whole not-getting-a-girlfriend thing sort of last year and this year. Thing is my 6th grade crush came to my school this year, and its the first time I've seen her in like 4 years (oh and she came to the formal with me last year), I thought my feelings for her were gone, guess not, they are still here, actually my feelings are kind of different now, somehow I truly feel that I want to be with her, and I don't wanna ask her out during year 11 and 12 because relationships within the same school seem to fall apart imo. Id rather wait after during college.

Man, who cares about a girlfriend now? Whats the likelyhood its gonna last while your still in school, I mean isn't it gonna be better if you wait after school, where there are less confines, you are somewhat more mature and at least while you don't have a commitment to anyone, you can put your full effort into your school worth and ethic (or try too ^.^, videogames, sport and piano are my main distractions from work, not girls)

I reckon, just try and make the best of your situation at the moment, I'm sure things will start to look better.

The happiest people in the world don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything.

Watch fight club.

You dont need anyone or anything to be complete, everyone was born complete you have just put up mental blocks that all begin with "Im not...." "I cant...." and when they all add up its a pretty bad mix.

Attraction is not a choice, so if you hit the right attraction switches in girls they will become fond of you, work on your confidence and desires and you will notice change.

__________________
G'day.

your just as cool as them you just have to act it you could look nerdy as hell butact cooler then everyone else at school you just have to act it.

@ Atilla, Decent grades and a girlfriend would of course be enjoyable. You ask alot of questions that seem to not need an answer but i'll answer some. Decent grades so i don't have to worry so much about my education and school and a girlfriend so i have atleast 1 person to talk to after school and on the weekend, also someone to hug, kiss etc. Nah i don't need/have to be cool, it's just it would help school life go more quickly and have more fun as this time of life is supposed to be the best right?

As for exams i don't think i will fail anymore (maybe one or two) but i'm still a little proud of myself for completing them (finished the last of them today). And yes i think i am fulfilling the purpose of high school, so i'm a winner!

@ Alex_Rosque, i watched fight club. Good movie

Thanks for your posts everyone, glad you read it.

And an update: So finished exams, glad they are over, think i went ok but not excellent.. Oh well.

It's a 3 day weekend now and i'm probably going to spend it alone
I was planning to have a mate over but he decided to go to another mates Heh whatever, don't care about that.

Now i plan to ask another friend if she would like to have a few drinks with me one night at a park or something (i'd do it at home but drinking when my mum is around freaks me out).
This chick does have a boyfriend but he doesn't live near us at all.
We flirt alot and i've started to like her more than a friend, i know she doesn't like me that way because i feel that i'm out of her league (and she knows it). I think the flirting is just from her personality, she flirts with other people too.
I don't really want to ask because i fear that she will say no and think that i'm a weirdo for asking, but i want to spend some more time with her. (By the way she gets drunk nearly every weekend and spends weekend nights drinking with other people) Also i don't really want to ask because she would think that i like her (which i do) and thats kind of a bad thing because shes kinda cocky and shallow, and asking her might add to her ego which is a bad thing.

It would just be a few drinks at a park or on an oval, i doubt we would get completely smashed, just a little tipsy. Plus i could tell her my feelings for her while we're drunk/tipsy incase it turns out bad and i'll just say woops that didn't mean to come out i wasn't thinking (cause of being drunk) and see what happens.

Not sure whether to ask her or not. Advice?

Thanks

Don't feel that you are inferior to her. That makes you feel wimpy and no one likes wimps. You probably have some qualities that you may consider inferior, then address those issues and solve them. Once you get your shit together, you will have reasonably good self esteem.

It's not a good thing to blatantly show/say that you like her. It is a turn off. Don't be stressed about asking out, if you are confident and have hobbies or something that you are good at(like tennis), you won't have this problem. It's just asking out, if she says no, then you shouldn't care all that much because there are a lot of cute girls out there anyway. By the way, I found out the hard way that all girls are shallow to some extent. They all want some kind of strong manly machos, not the nice guys who do all the things for them.

Maybe you could do that I dunno but you should see how other guys play the game (especially the players!). They are all confident and shit. They neg the girls easy as and that's a turn on for girls. Plus, they don't give a shit about girls they are interested all that much, they are not that needy so they don't think about girls 24/7.

OK I should stop telling you how to *act*. It all just comes natural if you have a decent life.

I think I will soon reach the point were I will not be able to help you anymore.

I was asking you questions to hopefully allow you to just sit down and examine your life. Then change it accordingly if possible. Or at least you will realize, as you have, that you are winning at life. You will probably notice that your life isn't that bad after all.

I have to completely 100% agree with Cynic17 on confidence. Be confident.

Do what is natural for you. To me. That is being confident, forceful and energetic. Always throwing sarcasm in so Its not like a I'm a total jerk. It isn't full proof. Some girls think I'm insane. It attracts others. Usually the ones I enjoy talking too anyways.

Just develop naturally into who you are. I noticed most of my peers always had a similar nice guy attitude towards girls. I realized that, it isn't me, at all, to be that way. So why change when talking to girls? Instead of doing what my relationship successful peers did, I did what was natural for me. Everything works out better that way.

Just do what is natural for you. Don't change yourself at all because the real you is not like most of your peers.

Good luck again. It seems you are making progress with your confidence already though!

[quote]You dont need anyone or anything to be complete, everyone was born complete you have just put up mental blocks that all begin with "Im not...." "I cant...." and when they all add up its a pretty bad mix. [.quote]

+1