This might be a long story, so thx for being patient with me.

One of my best friends met a boy through a mutual friend of ours a year ago and she was adament about trying to have a relationship with him. He didn't go for her advances but he became intertwined with our circle of friends and all of us hung out quite a bit. Two months ago, I went over to his house to discuss Senior Prom with his mom because I wanted to take him. Me and him ended up making out. Unfortunately, I went home and wrote about it in my journal. My mother found it and she was livid. We had a long talk about limits and how nobody's perfect and how she expected better of me. She's allowed me to continue being friends with him but I'm no longer allowed to go to his house, which is understandable. The problem is, although my mom has forgiven me, I think I'm having a problem forgiving myself. I hate disappointing my mom and usually I'm a good daughter; I'm always on Honor Roll, I'm in National Honor Society and I've recieved numerous awards for academic and artistic accomplishments. The fact that my mother knows what I did is eating me up inside. She's told me she wasn't perfect either, but that doesn't help my guilt at all. Some days I'm alright and I don't think about it, figuring "I am human. I have flaws. It's natural to mess up." but some days like today, I keep contemplating what could have been different and I berate myself for being so stupid.

On Prom Night, me and him made out again and later on that week, he told my friend that he wasn't a big fan of making out with me and he's had better. That was like a glass shard in my heart because both times, he put the moves on me and it wasn't my fault. Later on, he told me that he wanted to "stay friends" and "things shouldn't have escalated." Unfortunately, since we're still friends, he's misinterpreting my wanting to see him as romantic interest when it's not.

Has anyone had a problem like this or dealt with recurrent guilt? Your advice/help is much appreciated.

Ditch him, no friend would ever talk about you behind your back, tell him he's a loser and not worthy of your attention, that he's nowt but a backstabbing sack of crap and you can do much better, it might not be how you actually feel but he don't know that.

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I have to agree. If he wants to be all, "I want you.. no wait. I don't." Then up his! You sound like you've got too much going on in your life, and you have SO MUCH POTENTIAL! Guys come and go. Let this one go, and you'll eventually get a new one that comes along, but he'll come along when you're ready.

As for you mom, she knows what it was like being a teenager. If you feel that bad about disappointing her, then you're obviously not one of those girls that's going to start sleeping around and get pregnant. I wouldn't be so hard on yourself. So you kissed a guy, no biggie. Your mom understands, she understands how you're developing, and how boys become more interesting as you get older. If your message said, "My mom's a bitch, it's no big deal that I made out with him," and so on and so forth, then we'd have an issue that you need to feel bad about. But you sound like a girl that loves pleasing her mom! Your hormones got the best of you a couple times, but seeing the guilt that you're dealing with, I doubt it will get worse. You need to take it easy, you can't be expected to not mess up at all, or you'll never learn anything! And obviously this guy can't mean too much to you, or you'd be mad at your mom about not letting you two be together alone. But you agree with her, you're more interested in what she thinks than what this guy thinks. Kick him to the curb, he's a pig anyways.

Making out isn't a big deal, and your mother should understand it. I thought we cleared up that girls can't get pregnant from kissing boys already. haha.

But as for him telling your friend making out with you was bad or whatever is horrible, that's a BIG no-no. Ditch his ass, seriously. Give him the verbal smackdown or something, because I'm sure he's saying that only to attempt to hook up with your friend/buff up his ego.

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From what you've written, HE makes the moves because he thinks you're hitting on him.. so, he only does it by pity? And he has the guts to tell a friend that he doesn't like making out with you? what kind of friend would he be IF you keep being friends with him? I think that you should keep your head up high and keep your pride.. you don't need friends like that.. he shouldn't have spoken about you behind your back and something as private as that .!!

Yeah, he's just trying to sound cool infront of his friends. He should have come to talk to you first about it though. If you didn't have this romantic past with him, would you forgive him for talking shit about you? I wouldn't. He's just your average guy. Screw him! You're too good for him.

And the only way your mom isn't going to forgive you is if she wants you to be gay, but you're not. She's fine, your relationship with your mom is fine! Just get rid of this guy, and you'll make yourself and your mom happy!

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Why is your mom reading your Journal in the first place?