I've only told a few people about this. I didn't want to get bashed for something that was completely my choice. So, if you are going to bash me then save it for someone that might care.

A few years back I hated my body. I went through stages of being skinny like a twig to being fat like all get out. I wasn't like extremely fat but I wasn't small either. I began to work out because I was craving to change myself over the summer time. I got skinny in a few weeks. I always had my dad's body type. He would eat anything and never gain pounds and I was somewhat the same. So, I remained skinny but wasn't happy with myself. I heard about making yourself throw up and I talked to my best friend about it. She went through the ED stages and knew how to do every step.

She gave me hints and tricks on how to do it. And it became my life for the most part. I would look at things that would trigger EDs because I wanted to be that skinny. Even if it meant being put in the hospital for months to be watched over. I began trying to make myself throw up and it wasn't easy. I tried and tried. Nothing worked so I basically just worked out until I would pass out on the floor or the bed. But that wasn't enough. I just let it go and moved on.

Just a few months ago those feelings came back. I would look in the mirror and cry. And when I say cry then I seriously mean bawl and scream. I hated my body once again and knew that this time I would not fail. I looked at food in a bad way. I felt like it only made me sick. Every time I ate I got sick. I eat so much that it puts pressure on my stomach and I puke. Well, not really puke. It's more like coughing up and spitting out. But I tried to make myself throw up and achieved. I achieved some. A little came up. And I'm scared. I'm scared because I know what happens. I went from the girl that did research on this topic and feared it. And now I'm one of those girls that pondered over my body and wishing I was skin and bones.

I have an appointment with my therapist and I'm pissed. I wanted to keep it a secret but my best friend told me to tell people. And I listened to him because he is always right. So, I'm working on it as I type. But part of me knows that I'm going to make myself throw up. Even if I pass out or get put in the hospital.

hey i'm glad you're getting help... from what i know of you (not that much, but from body/weight topics i've seen), you seem very very thin already. i guess it's just how eating disorders make you feel.. powerful and in control and strong. and the physical results too.

but hey.. your friend is right. eating disorders are really unhealthy and you seem like it won't happen to you... you won't die. but it does happen. i'm not trying to bash you, but i knew an anorexic/bullimic girl who died. and maybe seeing this therapist will help you feel better about yourself physically.

i don't know. i wish you luck and hope everything turns out okay.

Alot of bulimic/anorexic people die. There was a brazillion model a few months ago that died. If you read magazines, especially Seventeen, there was one issue talking about how this girl was losing weight and looked horrible. Then she died from undereating.

But it is a good thing you're getting help. I love your body. You're so tiny. Me on the other hand.. Well, yea. I'm trying ot lose weight.
But at least your are getting your feeling out. Cry, but don't lose weight. Crying makes you feel better once you finish, right?
It always made me feel better, no matter what I cried about.

Sorry,,, I'm not much help... =[

Realising you have a problem is the first step.
Telling people is a good choice to make, because people can look out for you aswell as you looking out for yourself.

you're a very strong person to realize you need help and actually seek it.
i agree with omfgidc its good for you to share this dangerous disorder with responsible others so they can help look out for you.

my close friend died last year as a result from anorexia. and can be dangerous to anyone, i admire you for seeking help, i .ish you luck,

I wish you the best of luck Fay. At least you can eat lots and not gain anything. I eat one thing, and I'm instantly fatter. I have a slow metabolism... very slow. I'm fat, and I'd love to develop an ED so I can lose weight, but I know that's not the way to go. I'm happy you're getting help, and if you ever need someone to talk to, please PM me. I'll add you on MSN if you have it, or whatever you need.

Fay!!

I love you!

Hey There,
I know exactly what you're going through. I've had an eating disorder for the past 4 years now. I went through recovery, it wasn't so bad, they try to help you see your body the way it really is. The one thing about EDs is that they change your mind, you won't be able to see yourself as getting better, but you'll see yourself as getting fat. It's REALLY important you have a good therapist and nutritionist on your side, I didn't get either of those and almost a year and a half after recovery I'm back to square one only nobody's paying attention anymore because they thought I got better.
If you ever want someone to talk to, go ahead and message me. I know you don't know me, but sometimes that helps. Best of luck, and warmest wishes.
XOXO

i love bashing and u DO care otherwise u wouldnt have told us not to.

make urself puke. its good for ya! be stupid and go anorexic b/c you really are fat and i mean that from the bottom of my heart. however i dont think puking will be enough to get rid of ur fat. i think u might have to go to the extremes and really starve urself. dont listen to what anyone else says b/c they are lying. they think ur fat too trust me

... you're funny. really.

i know=]