doI seriously feel like screaming or ripping my hair out. I don't understand why this has to be so fucking hard. Maybe I make it hard or maybe, just maybe, it's suppose to be hard to teach me something. At the same time it makes me hate the word "love".

I love my boyfriend, he is really amazing. And I would to spend my life with him. As you can see, we are pretty serious about each other. But I have given my heart to someone else. To someone that means the world to me. So, I am wondering how the hell do you give your heart to someone else after you already gave it away?

I can sit here being madly in love with the other guy while being with my boyfriend. And the other guy lives so far away. And to be honest, I want to be with him. I want to be there for him. But part of me just can't. That part knows it's wrong, so wrong.


My boyfriend makes me feel good. But the other guy was there through thick and thin for me. He understands me more than anyone. And I just miss him, okay. I fucking miss him more than anything. Because he is everything.

Because you did give the other guy your heart, then you could never really love your boyfriend whole heartedly. Not until you get over the other guy.

Fay honey, you just gotta stop thinking about the other guy. The more you yearn for him, and sit and make yourself remember how much you love him... the more it stays. You just have to make yourself forget him, if you know you'll never happen. If there's a chance that he'll be back and you can be together again, then I'd advise you to follow that path. But if there's no chance.. you have to MAKE yourself forget. There's no other choice, unless you want to live in pain and suffering every day. If you want to be happy and give your entire self to another man, you have to push him out of your heart, mind, soul.. your entire life. You have to forget him so someone else can fill that void.

You know I'm right Fay. As hard as it is, that's the way it's got to be.

I just can't do that to him. I can't act like nothing ever happened between us because it did. And as bad as it sounds, I'm completely glad it did happen. Because if it didn't he wouldn't have shaped me into what I am today. I can't just move on and accept things won't happen.

I told my boyfriend and he completely understands, when he shouldn't. He shouldn't have to share me and I won't let him. My life belongs to him but in the process I won't and will not forget the other guy. Never.