Just so you know, this is going to be kinda long...
in fact i dont even know where to START. I guess i should start with me bordering on homosexuality. I am bi, I have known that for god knows how long (though at first I didn't know what it was called-all I knew was that I liked girls the same way I liked boys). I make a point of keeping it to myself, and I met a lesbian, Ashley. We got into a relationship which no one ever knew about, but my best friend Amanda caught us in our school's girl's restroom and I was forced to tell her everything. She was actually incredibly supportive and she thought my parents would be the same. Then as I got closer to Ashley, she thought it'd be best for my family to know so we didn't have to sneak around so much (by the way, we've been doing this for a year) and so her family could meet mine (I'd already met hers). Unfortunately, my cousin Todd decided to come out right around the time I was about to and my immediate and extended family disowned the poor guy completely. Me and my girlfriend visited him at college one time and when I got the chance to talk to him, he said I should wait until I was financially independent. Unfortunately, my parents found out I had been keeping in contact with him and they start rambling on and on about how homosexuals could corrupt my good character and make me "one of them" and that if I am not careful I could end up just as "screwed over", that God doesn't permit "sinful sexual beings" into heaven, rah rah rah (btw, dads a pastor n mom teaches sunday school...they are holy rollers if you know what i mean). Its just, in everyday life, the way i hear them say its abnormal or disgusting, it makes me feel that way. like something is wrong with me. Ive had to deal with them going on like that for about a year and the way it makes me feel, i cant stand it! im not gonna lie, i have been thinking about suicide. im not thinking of killing myself but the THOUGHT of "what would happen if i did?" haunts me a lot. My parents yell at me for listening to this, or catching me in a phone conversation with Todd, or ask me if Ashley is a Christian, and saying "is that a cut? youre not cutting yourself are you?!?!?! answer me now!!!" (cutting: another habit i cant break).
my brother is worse. we will get into arguments and he will say "shut the fuck up bitch! you dont belong in this family! youre just a fuckin slut in the making! go fuck a dog or somethin!" every single day when were alone.
its just, i cant seem to deal with this anymore and i would feel really helpless talking to someone i know because theyd either take it all the wrong way or the minute i say "i think im gay" im afraid one of my close friends or family members would out me to my parents (which i do not need).
i feel like shit all the time, and i dont even know why i am doing this but if any one at all can help me, then id thank u forever...
and no, im not some attention seeker taking up room on the boards. i really do want some help.

Have you ever tried to write a letter?
Just like explaining everything but not giving it to them.
And keeping it hidden until you are ready.

It might make you feel like you told them, but not really.
It will take away the pressures of how or when to tell them.
Because when your ready, all you have to do is hand them the letter.

Aww I am sorry your parents are not supportive. I will tell you this, there is NOTHING wrong with you. I would just say, ignore them, do whatever it takes to get through this, and i wouldn't tell them until you are able to support yourself, even if that means until after you finish highschool. I hnestly don't know exactly how to deal with this. I would suggest going to a counselor maybe just to talk, like your school counselor maybe.

Damn dude, that doesn't even sound like a good place to be if you were strait (as far as they know you are anyway). Getting out and supporting yourself sounds safest/best regardless.

Lifes about living man, personally...I..dont think I CAN feel like shit cus well....

You have to appreciate things for what they are, why do you think you might be homosexual? Because you think men..are beautiful people and so are women, so why cant that be a highlight of your life....If you dont have friends to talk to about things like this, get some..NOW...Try talking to more people, getting phone numbers and hanging about with them, you'll feel better.

But as I was saying you have to appreciate everything in this world, for me....I live for my friends, beer and heavy metal.

So....Why dont you choose something you love and use it as a form of expression for yourself? Music, art, exercise, BEING WITH FRIENDS, etc.

This probably isnt going to help you but I think if you would understand that things arnt as bad as they seem...Maybe gandering at Save the Children UK - the world's independent children's charity might make you think twice about how bad your life is.

Seriously though, this world is populated and run by people and you need people in your life to enjoy it, so make some good friends and have a good time!

:::sigh::: i never once whined and said "oh, poor pitiful me, my life sucks so bad, everyone else has it so much better" dammit!!! All i did was ask for some mother fucking help! I know some other individuals have it a lot worse but right now im trying to focus on how to get some help, not listen to someone else assume all i do is think that no one else has life worse than me!!!

hm.
that came out wrong.
then again, lately, a lot of things do.
and the other thing is, the reason i think im lesbian is because im attracted to girls so much more than guys... but then the way everyone i know in my environment says that is just so sick or perverted and even my brother, who is actually quite opinionated, would hiss "motherfuckin fag" when my "friend" Ashley is over.
The way they talk about gays/lez/bis in my face, and everything... it just makes me feel abnormal, like maybe its wrong. My sibling is always in my face, saying what a waste i am, that i shouldnt even be around, always shoving me into things and getting a bit physical as far as hostility goes. If i tell my parents, hell tell about me and my girlfriend and the longer i keep it all to myself...
well i dont even wanna think about that right now...

Actually, the whole post was you complaining.

On second thought, shutup and get over yourself.

One day you will have to tell them. Even though your parents say all these things, They will still love you. They will proberbly be anoid with you but you can just say "Dont blame it on me, its not my fault" They will proberbly think again about gays, lezbians and bi's (Hopefully). I am bisexual myself and i know how hard it is. Im only 12 but i know one day i will have to admit it. Yes i do get suicidal over it too.. Knowing i cant tell anyone about it. And yes i do cut myself. So I know exactly how you feel.

=/ Put yourself in her position, im pretty sure that you would feel exactly the same.

Nothing is wrong with you.

Listen to your cousin Todd and wait until you're finacially independent, because your family unfortunately sounds like they would cut you out of their life as well.

Sorry.