My sister's in an abusive relationship.

    • My sister's in an abusive relationship.

      Hi.
      My sister has been in an abusive relationship for a little over a year now and I don't know what to do to help her get out of it. Every time he hits her she tells me that she loves him and she'll never let it happen again but it always does. I think part of why she's with him is because she's really afraid of being alone and she's been having some financial troubles so he helps her out with that. I'm really scared because they have a baby together and I'm afraid one of these days he's going to come barreling through the house and knock the baby over and kill her or he'll accidently hit my sister in the temple or something and then she'll be just gone. I hate the boyfriend so much and he knows it, and it makes my sister mad that I won't talk to him. Anytime I babysit he has to go sit in the car while I go into the house because I want nothing to do with him. The last time he hit her, she promised me she'd tell me right away if it happened again which it did, but she never said anything to me and she's been covering for him and now neither of us can look each other in the eye. I really love my sister, but she really loves him, and I'm really scared for her. There seems to be nothing I can say to her to make her realize how fabulous she is and how much she doesn't need this, and she gets angry if I even mention it. She called the cops on him the first time he hit her and got an order of protection but she dropped it and took him back. My family won't ever say anything to them and it frustrates me that they just welcome the boyfriend into our family like nothing ever happened. I don't want anyone to alienate my sister because then if something happens and she gets hurt she'll have no one to call, but I don't want him to not have any reprecussions for what he does because he'll just keep doing it (Also, a little humility is good for the soul. :D). He's ruined my whole summer, my whole life, he's made me a nervous wreck, he's totally changed my sister and I feel so alone I want to cry. I just want him to leave. What should I do?
    • Re: My sister's in an abusive relationship.

      Tell your sister what this is doing to you. She needs to see that by being in this relationship she is not only hurting herself, but it's adding a lot of stress on you. Ask her if she loves him more than you. Get her thinking, then tell her how alone she's made you feel by being with him, tell her how this is affecting you so much. Make it seem like you are a victim in this as well as she is, the only difference is she's not realizing it.

      Sadly, calling the cops in a situation like this doesn't go over well. The police can't hold him if she bails him out BUT!! if they are called, and they get to the house, and it's obvious he's been hitting her, they are obligated to make an arrest no matter what. I don't know if that bit of info may help, but eventually when it comes to the baby, if professionals were to get involved, they would see he has a record of domestic violence charges and arrests made against him. I don't know what may happen, but it's always good to be prepared. Also, being arrested constantly may do the man some good.

      Now, your family is welcoming him in? Do they know how bad things are? I suggest for that, a family meeting. Inform them of the severity of the situation, and that this man is damaging your sister, who is a member of the family, and they should be thinking about her just as much as you are. Your family may be able to think of some other suggestions for you as well. Remind them though, not to push her away, but him.

      You're a great sister for wanting to help her. Situations like these are tough. What needs to happen with your sister is she needs to see what you see in her, a great person who doesn't deserve this, and can do so much better.
      What needs to happen with the boyfriend is he needs several teeth removed and get his ass kicked :devil: ...but we can only get to your sister. I don't advice beating up the boyfriend.
      Keep trying, and don't give up on her. She's afraid to be alone. If you give up and all she has is him, then she'll be stuck. I really hope things go well. Good luck.
      [LEFT][SIZE=2]"Adapt and Overcome"[/SIZE][/LEFT]
      [RIGHT]"Funny how the truth sounds so cliche"[/RIGHT]
      [RIGHT]~Jack Ingram[/RIGHT]
      [CENTER]
      [SIZE=1][/SIZE][/CENTER]
    • Re: My sister's in an abusive relationship.

      Sometimes you have to take desperate measures to make a situation better, this being one of them. More than likely, if you get involved things aren't going to turn out the way you want them to, it is important you speak to someone who can make a difference, someone who can help or suggest how to deal with what's going on. Assuming you're in school, a school counselor, your parents more so than anyone else.

      This is the type of matter where no details can be spared, you must step forward and share your feelings and emotions, your thoughts on what's happening. Especially with your sister, understandably, she might not listen to you because she probably is in denial about it or even feels that it's not your business, you don't need to worry about that. Something has to be done that will catch your sisters attention and make her understand what's going on, make her pull away. I know you more than likely have a fear of being burdened by a hate or disappointment from your sister by getting involved, it's for the best though. She will realize that sooner or later.

      It's a great thing that you're concerned, because you're right, it could turn into something more than just physical abuse one day. A serious conversation needs to be had with your parents and anyone you know who can make a difference. Your sister needs to realize she can be okay without him, if she can take such abuse in a relationship and still have the willpower to not give in, she can fend for herself. Although, that most likely will not be the case and she will have the support of others, especially if they know what's going on.

      Somehow you need to involve yourself because you're feeling pain from this to, make something happen. Speak with a cop you might know, family members, friends, anyone. Figure something out. I really do hope things work out for you.

      The post was edited 2 times, last by Raylan Givens ().

    • Re: My sister's in an abusive relationship.

      Do you have a brother? I have 2 sisters and if I ever found out that their boyfriend's were hitting them I would "talk" to him after he begs me to stop kicking his pussy ass. I can't stand guys that hit women and I really wouldn't have any control over my actions if I found out that my sister's boyfriend was hitting her.

      But in your case it's probably best to talk to your whole family about it and convince them to pressure your sister to leave that asshole. Even if she loves him so much that she can take a beating to satisfy his violent nature, ask her if she wants to raise a daughter with an abusive asshole. Deep inside she knows that he will do the same to their daughter when she's older.