Alone and Depressed.

    • Alone and Depressed.

      hey guys, this message might be really long because ive got so much to get off my chest its unreal. The weirdest thing is the only place i can do this is in a virtual world.
      i am a 17 year old girl but these problems have been going on for atleast two years. I have no friends and i am a recluse. I do not know where to start i have serious self hatred issues which lowers my self esteem and self worth. I am overweight, and all my weight is on my stomach making me look horribly fat and disgusting. All the people i talk to are not my friends but simply people who are just there they dont care about me and i cant vent these issues to anyone because they just dont understand. I even lied about being pregnant once and my plan worked because suddenly everyone wanted to be my friend, i was 16 years old and in my last year at school, i had to lie and say i had a misscarriage because i didnt get pregnant so it would look dodgy if i carried on then no baby came.
      Ive never had a propper relationship and living in brixton with all these hood girl it makes me feel so alone, ive resorted too trying to get pregnant from this one guy whose simply using me sex and has been for the past three years. I am in love with him but he doesnt feel the same he just calls me when he wants to f*ck and i go along with it because i love him and its the only attention i get from him. All boys want me for is sex, no one wants a relationship because im too ugly obviously, im ugly and fat, thats the reason. And no, its not just me talking i am clincally on the verge of obese.
      i am at college and even there i talk to people but at lunch and break i go off by myself because i am not like the other girls, i have no confidence or friends.
      when i get home i just sit on the computer and talk to my virtual friends who i have never actually met.
      i have contemplated suicide so many times because it seems like the only option at times, but i always talk myself out of it. At the moment, the only thing keeping me going is this mission to get myself pregnant.
      please reply and help me, this is my last option.
    • Re: Alone and Depressed.

      Okay, the hardest part of this is going to to be that part you want to hear the least, it's also the part that's going to come across the most brusque: do not get pregnant. You are in nowhere near the correct frame of mind to be having a baby right now. Your reasons for doing so are misguided and self-serving, and the level of responsibility a child takes means that you should never be doing it unless it's fore the right reasons and with the best intentions. You have a lot of emotional issues going on right now and it would be irresponsible to inflict your problems on a child, or to have one when you aren't emotionally capable of taking care of him or her.

      That being said; in order for something to change, you are going to have to break yourself out of the same patterns that you have been struggling with for more than three years now. Einstein's definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results." This is exactly what you have been doing, going through the exact same cycle over and over and wondering why you are still depressed. It's time that you start making some changes. Most of these changes you already are aware of, at least marginally, but you haven't been able to bring yourself to do them. Change is hard, but I think you have to ask yourself whether or not it's worth it to get out of the position you are in right now.

      First, changing your daily routine. Get out from behind that computer. I think it's already obvious that spending all your free time on the internet isn't doing you any favors. To start with, I would like to see you getting outside and taking a a walk every day, just something to change your scenery and to make a departure from your normal routine. Lets start off with twenty minutes. Tale a walk around your street a little bit and go on back. Then every day, increase the time and distance you walk, taking different routes every day so you are seeing something new. Exercise releases endorphins which improves your mood, the same thing for sunlight. Even if that weren't true, you need the exercise. You say that you are overweight and you hate it, but the person who is most able to change that is you. A drastic change in your dieting and exercise habits is the first step to making that possible.

      Second, you need to find an outlet for your depression. When I had this depressive episode in my early teens, I started playing the piano. I just plinked away with it one day, and then little by little taught myself how to really play. I found that it was a great tool to make me forget about my problems, or to let me channel my problems into something constructive. I'm not saying you need to go out and learn to play an instrument right now, I'm saying that you need to find a way to use your time for a constructive purpose. Creative writing, poetry, drawing, painting... find some kind of artistic pursuit that feels right for you and start doing it. Then keep doing it consistently, the more depressed you are, the more you should be doing something useful with your time rather than wasting it on something that is going to feel worthless and futile, like sitting at the computer.

      Last, you are in college. Take up some extracurricular activities. I think that a big problem with your lack of friends is an inability to really relate to other people in a way that feels comfortable. The great thing about extracurricular activities is that you have this ready-made group of people with the same interests as you right there. This will at least give you the opportunity to socialize - something that you haven't been getting anywhere near enough of. Inactivity is one of the biggest things that exacerbates depression, the more stuff you are doing, the less time you have to really dwell on your depression.

      I'm not going to address your boy toy too much for now. He's not a nice person, but he does serve as an emotional crutch for you right now. If it's something you need, I don't see any reason to drop him right away. He's using you, you might as well use him back. Just understand that he doesn't love you and probably won't. Having sex with him will never change that.

      You need to change in order to get out of the hole you are in. I can't do anything more than tell you what I think you should do. It's you that actually has to go out and make the effort. I hope that this all works out for you and I'm always here to talk if you need it. Take care.
    • Re: Alone and Depressed.

      Alone_Kaytee wrote:

      hey guys, this message might be really long because ive got so much to get off my chest its unreal. The weirdest thing is the only place i can do this is in a virtual world.
      i am a 17 year old girl but these problems have been going on for atleast two years. I have no friends and i am a recluse. I do not know where to start i have serious self hatred issues which lowers my self esteem and self worth. I am overweight, and all my weight is on my stomach making me look horribly fat and disgusting. All the people i talk to are not my friends but simply people who are just there they dont care about me and i cant vent these issues to anyone because they just dont understand. I even lied about being pregnant once and my plan worked because suddenly everyone wanted to be my friend, i was 16 years old and in my last year at school, i had to lie and say i had a misscarriage because i didnt get pregnant so it would look dodgy if i carried on then no baby came.
      Ive never had a propper relationship and living in brixton with all these hood girl it makes me feel so alone, ive resorted too trying to get pregnant from this one guy whose simply using me sex and has been for the past three years. I am in love with him but he doesnt feel the same he just calls me when he wants to f*ck and i go along with it because i love him and its the only attention i get from him. All boys want me for is sex, no one wants a relationship because im too ugly obviously, im ugly and fat, thats the reason. And no, its not just me talking i am clincally on the verge of obese.
      i am at college and even there i talk to people but at lunch and break i go off by myself because i am not like the other girls, i have no confidence or friends.
      when i get home i just sit on the computer and talk to my virtual friends who i have never actually met.
      i have contemplated suicide so many times because it seems like the only option at times, but i always talk myself out of it. At the moment, the only thing keeping me going is this mission to get myself pregnant.
      please reply and help me, this is my last option.




      hahaha!!! getting pregnant wont help you.. do you have any idea what having a child is like? oh, and in case you missed the memo, being pregnant is only a few months, but a child is forever.

      i doubt your "fat and ugly"... pfft IM 330 FUCKIN POUNDS lol!!! your "clincally on the verge of obese"? IVE GONE PAST IT! haha thats a weak excuse, dont blame the way you think you look; the only thing thats keeping people from being your friend is them (and maybe your "other" relationships.)
      heck, if i knew a girl trying to get pregnant for friends, id stay the fuck away (physicaly anyways.. id still be her friend and talk to her... just... never get... close...).


      You need friends? well, you hit a small jackpot of em on teenhut.
      may i suggest stop sleeping with this dickhead thats using you?

      .... i HATE guys that use girls... and i HATE it even more when the girl KNOWS it!!
      do you really think of your self so badly that you go that low? come on, look in a freekin mirror girl; garmented your not "fat" and/or "ugly" and if you disagree, get your eyes checked!





      alright, I'm done face-palming myself because of that pregnant thing... now:

      forget about all those people. forget about the people you "just talk to" and for the love of what ever you believe; ditch the dick(head that is...)




      You look at yourself low, and then others do. go on Google and go to images, type UGLY and press search. if you dont come up, stfu and feel good about yourself. :wink:


      by the way it sounds with "the hood girls"- i suggest you move... couldn't hurt could it?


      suicide is the wrong way to go ESPECIALY BECAUSE OF "LOOKS" :nono:

      and is talking yo vitual people that bad? hell, i prefer the internet to real life... its much more fun + it has cheat codes...
      ugh all this crap about that idiotic sex-friend has made it impossible to think straight....


      okay;


      every second that you are alive is so precious, you cant quite understand it fully :D

      have you tried dating people online?
      and
      have you tried talking to someone in your school you normaly wouldn't?
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      The post was edited 1 time, last by The Sorrow ().

    • Re: Alone and Depressed.

      This isn't funny guys.
      I'm feeling for what you must be going through. As much as i agree about all your opinions on her wanting to get pregnant, i also think that people aren't trying to see the feelings behind why that person wants to make herself pregnant. Obviously you most likely aren't in the ideal position, simply because of the reasons you want one just now. You've just not met the right kind of people yet that will accept you. Remember most of the decent ones are in this exact same position as you are and have difficulty finding people that are likeminded. Those that don't have difficulty either have complete confidence and have no problem talking to people, or they run after anyone and get sex from any guy they want. So it's definitely not you. I'm sure you're not fat and ugly, you are most likely just suffering from low self esteem and are making yourself believe these things about yourself because of having the difficulties with finding someone that will accept and love you. Again it's not you to blame. As for the appearance issues, you can do things to alter yourself, or reinvent your appearance to gain more confidence. I learned that to get over such low esteem i needed to work on the problem in steps, by first of all thinking about what exactly i hated about myself most of all, then went from there. Most importantly i got help from someone that was very good and supportive, and as little as you may believe that this would help, it will! It has got to be better than going through such horrible feelings alone, right?

      The post was edited 1 time, last by Fashion ().

    • Re: Alone and Depressed.

      Fashion wrote:

      This isn't funny guys.
      I'm feeling for what you must be going through. As much as i agree about all your opinions on her wanting to get pregnant, i also think that people aren't trying to see the feelings behind why that person wants to make herself pregnant.


      I don't recall saying there was anything funny about it. But frankly, her own feelings become secondary when she's thinking about creating a new life as a method of do-it-yourself therapy. Two many people have children because they think it will 'fix' their problems, when it usually turns out to be anything but. I'm extremely sympathetic to her problems and what she's going through, but those problems should not be inflicted on a child.

      The post was edited 2 times, last by Jenna ().

    • Re: Alone and Depressed.

      Jenna wrote:

      I don't recall saying there was anything funny about it. But frankly, her own feelings become secondary when she's thinking about creating a new life as a method of do-it-yourself therapy. Two many people have children because they think it will 'fix' their problems, when it usually turns out to be anything but. I'm extremely sympathetic to her problems and what she's going through, but those problems should not be inflicted on a child.

      *too :p

      Also she knows you weren't being funny about it, it was the guy after who started his post with 'hahahaha' which wasn't necessary. :)

      However, yes, I don't see how having a child is going to help - in fact it's going to do the complete opposite. I really do not understand that kind of mentality.

      The post was edited 1 time, last by FallenAngel ().