Hey.. So I just joined and I'm totally confused about my relationship with my older boyfriend and I. I'm 17 years old and he's...25. It's an online relationship and we've been dating for going on 3 months now. I really really like him and he likes me, he clearly doesn't want to use me and he's not some creepy 59 year old man looking to mess with some girl. We talk all the time and use skype constantly.. He's my second boyfriend and out of the 2 relationships-this one is the best. Hes just soo sweet and he always tells me he loves me. I'm not worried about that, I'm worried about the fact that when we get to be able to see eachother-he'll be disgusted at the way I look. I'm not some skinny thing, I'm big I guess and I'm worried he won't like it. That he'll hate me.. He knows this and says he loves me the way I am. I just don't want him to think that I look horrible. The first time i told him that I wasn't skinny he says 'don't worry.. I used to be fat once' and he didn't mean it.. Not in a mean way. And eventhough I knew he didn't mean it that way I thought that's what I was to him. I feel bad for him that he has to deal with me being... Big. I think it's just the fact that I have extremely low self esteem that I'm thinking like this. But I dunno. I don't want to disappoint him.
Dating an older guy..
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You have a few options here.
1. If you have such an enormous problem with your weight, do something about it. For yourself or to surprise him.
2. If you choose not to lose the weight, he should accept you for who you are and what you look like. If he doesn't, than he's not worth your time.Kids these days... -
Not to be intrusive, but giving up is bullshit... you're basically deciding to be unhappy.
On another note, if you skype all the time, you should probably see each other before you decide to meet.... and no offense but I have very little of a life because I don't speak the language everyone else does here and i still wouldn't go for an online relationship, definitely not with someone I can't even see, so most likely there are 4 options:
1. He's a basement dweller, maybe ugly or socially crippled, basically he's not the most fun guy but this could be an okay situation.
2. He's ugly, you don't have much to worry about, but that might not be a good thing.
3. He's attractive and awesome, you're already soulmates and that's why he's in this.
4. He's a creeper of some kind.
I'm not trying to burst your bubble, but I would definitely give all of those some good honest thought if I were you.[CENTER][SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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just a few things
1) if YOU yourself dont like the way you look, then as smoke said, do something about it, and then thats one problem solved
2) he should have seen you alot as it is, and you should be comfortable being on cam and stuff with him and sending him pictures, so im pretty sure he knows what he is in for and wont be that suprised in person
3) they only move fast if both people make them move fast, just make sure you have everything figured out and thought through before you do anything, how big is the distance between you guys? being in such a serious relationship at such a young age can be a huge jump for you too, just really think it through, its a mistake I once made is following your emotions rather than your logic, dont make the same mistake as me. -
One thought that came into my mind, 3 months of online relatationship, never meeting each other, never any dates and he claims that he loves you? That should never happen and something is strange here.
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ComplicatedMind wrote:
One thought that came into my mind, 3 months of online relatationship, never meeting each other, never any dates and he claims that he loves you? That should never happen and something is strange here.
Nah I disagree there man, me and my ex gf were together for about 10 months and for the first 7 months or soo we were in an online relationship, until we eventually could meet up and be with each other, (we had met first in real life and exchanged details) but we fell in love with each other after roughly around the 3 month mark, if you talk to someone every day then feelings will develop between people with that type of connection
As for your problem, as people have said, if YOU are unhappy with yourself then try and get fit for you, and I cant stress how much it needs to be your wishes and not anybody else. If you two have been together for this long then he must have seen you, so he obviously has no issues with that, if he says he loves then he will love your imperfections as much as what makes you special, thats how love works. If he cant accept you for who you are then he doesn't deserve to be with you. I know how hard it is having low self esteem and thats only something that you can rectify through self belief, but don't ever let it get the best of you. No one is perfect and every person is beautiful. Just try and always remember that. I hope this helped, best of luckPeople think the Irish are a bunch of drunks and brawlers, and that makes us soo mad sometimes that we just want to get drunk and punch somebody. -
kopite wrote:
Nah I disagree there man, me and my ex gf were together for about 10 months and for the first 7 months or soo we were in an online relationship, until we eventually could meet up and be with each other, (we had met first in real life and exchanged details) but we fell in love with each other after roughly around the 3 month mark, if you talk to someone every day then feelings will develop between people with that type of connection
Just because it happened like that for you, doesn't necessarily mean that's the case here. -
Purdiful Joopituh wrote:
Just because it happened like that for you, doesn't necessarily mean that's the case here.
Oh don't worry I am fully aware of that, just saying that just because the guy is saying that he loves her after 3 months doesn't necessarily mean that he does not love her 100%. If he says he loves her then hopefully he means it.People think the Irish are a bunch of drunks and brawlers, and that makes us soo mad sometimes that we just want to get drunk and punch somebody. -
kopite wrote:
Nah I disagree there man, me and my ex gf were together for about 10 months and for the first 7 months or soo we were in an online relationship, until we eventually could meet up and be with each other, (we had met first in real life and exchanged details) but we fell in love with each other after roughly around the 3 month mark, if you talk to someone every day then feelings will develop between people with that type of connection
As for your problem, as people have said, if YOU are unhappy with yourself then try and get fit for you, and I cant stress how much it needs to be your wishes and not anybody else. If you two have been together for this long then he must have seen you, so he obviously has no issues with that, if he says he loves then he will love your imperfections as much as what makes you special, thats how love works. If he cant accept you for who you are then he doesn't deserve to be with you. I know how hard it is having low self esteem and thats only something that you can rectify through self belief, but don't ever let it get the best of you. No one is perfect and every person is beautiful. Just try and always remember that. I hope
this helped, best of luck
I think he really means it.. And I've been thinking about it since I've read these posts.. Maybe it won't work out and maybe I should just stick to dating guys my own age.. Or wait til I'm like 19 or something so I don't feel bad about the age difference. But I also think maybe he doesn't trust me. I was telling him
about this guy who's an alumni of my high school and he came to visit my class-and then he's like 'do you like him?' I told him he was ok but I didn't like him. I thought he didn't trust me. I wouldn't cheat on him
though, I'm not like that. But maybe we should just be friends? Lol I dunno. I'm just confused..
Btw thanks for all the advice :] lol -
Xjessx wrote:
I think he really means it.. And I've been thinking about it since I've read these posts.. Maybe it won't work out and maybe I should just stick to dating guys my own age.. Or wait til I'm like 19 or something so I don't feel bad about the age difference. But I also think maybe he doesn't trust me. I was telling him about this guy who's an alumni of my high school and he came to visit my class-and then he's like 'do you like him?' I told him he was ok but I didn't like him. I thought he didn't trust me. I wouldn't cheat on him though, I'm not like that. But maybe we should just be friends? Lol I dunno. I'm just confused..
Well if im honest I think every guy will be like that, especially when it is a long distance relationship. I think you need to go and have a serious think about what you want, and decide whether to progress as you are, or else to decide that it would be better to end things. It wont be an easy decision by any means but I think you will know in your heart what to do.People think the Irish are a bunch of drunks and brawlers, and that makes us soo mad sometimes that we just want to get drunk and punch somebody. -
You cannot truly love someone that you know strictly through online connections. Human interaction is an enormous part of love, some scientists even claim humans give off a "scent" that attracts their partner. You cannot truly fall in love with someone over the internet, especially since you're not even sure that who they are acting like is really who they are. A lot of your projections and expectations of that person go into play.Kids these days...
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True love doesn't care for the physical appeareance. But... I have something else to tell you, that isn't exactly related to that...
Online relationships are a disaster, I've had some experiences in my life and they haven't been good. I've only seen one of those girls in my life, and it was only once, we didn't even recognize each other. My advice is... not to get too excited with this, you say it is your second relationship... you are young, and this doesn't have to be the last opportunity you'll have.
In the end it's your decision, but my advise is... just keep it casual, but if possible, stop it, I tell you ... I've been there before... it's not funny...
But... well you decide
Good luck!
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