5 years ago I undergo depression after my father passed away. My mother started working late and I never see her anymore. During that time, I cry everyday for no particular reason. I also had superiority complex where I couldn't deal with anyone getting better grades than me and being better at painting than I was. That caused me to be angry and irrational all the time, I made life hell for my sister as I constantly hit and punch her, I also verbally abuse her, by purposely torturing her and making her cry was my hobby. I almost immediately regret it, but I felt like I had no control over what I did. It was like me shouting ' don't do it' to myself but the next thing I knew was my sister was on the floor bleeding. Soon I realise that whenever I'm angry I had to hurt someone, so I decided that it had to be me. I started slashing my self whenever I felt hurt or angry and it seemed to work, because I stopped being violent to my sister, But It didn't help my life as my grades began to drop, my social life is a mess and constantly insult everyone I knew. So I decided to stop and work on getting my life right.

I went through self teraphy, I began thinking positive and It worked,my grades went up and I was very involved in extra-curricular activties. For 5 years, I became from a delinquent to a modal straight A student with many awards. I though I've completely changed. But now, school is over and I'm waiting for my results and I have 3 months to spare. for many years, I had not had a holiday, I've spent that time being involved in school activities, tuitions and even charity work, but now that I have nothing, I feel so lost and normal, and my old personality started to come back. I'm turning violent again and that day, i took a knife to slash myself, luckily I managed to stop myself from doing it, but I feel lost, depressed and out of control again. It;s hard to admit but I hate feeling so normal.:(:nono: