Don't want gf going to party with drinking/weed. Am I wrong?

    • Don't want gf going to party with drinking/weed. Am I wrong?

      My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now and are currently living together in her fathers house. I don't do any drugs and never have, and she used to smoke weed a lot, and it really messed her life up in the past. When we started dating, she agreed to give it up and never touch it again, and has been clean for over a year. Recently, she was invited to a party, and the girl who invited her said there was going to be lots of drinking (she's 20) and also said "there is going to be weed there, just in case that makes you uncomfortable". I told her I don't want her going because I don't want her around that stuff or in that kind of environment. She says I'm being unfair and controlling. Am I?
    • Re: Don't want gf going to party with drinking/weed. Am I wrong?

      I don't think you should let her go: if she had already had problems with weed and she quitted that stuff you'd better avoid letting her go to that party, because if she was told there will be pot there it means that she will be supposed to smoke that shit and, believe me, even though she's telling you she won't even touch that stuff, it is hard for someone who quitted weed or any drugs in general to stay away from that drugs.
      You could also go to that party with her, so that you can check the situation :)
    • Re: Don't want gf going to party with drinking/weed. Am I wrong?

      She's 20, she's a big girl and can make her own decisions. You can't really stop her from going, and if you do, then she'll just continue thinking that you're over bearing and controlling. Who says she's going to do the drugs? Just because she's going to be around it doesn't mean she's going to smoke it. I've gone to plenty of parties where I've had the chance, but didn't. Just let her know that you don't feel comfortable with it, but if she wants to go then you can't stop her. If she truly cares about your feelings then she'll take that in to consideration. There's nothing wrong with her getting out of the house for a little and hanging out with her friends.




      “We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are.”
      -J.K. Rowling
    • Re: Don't want gf going to party with drinking/weed. Am I wrong?

      You can't keep her away from it forever, and if she wants to say clean I'm assuming she's going to have to get used to being able to say no when she's around that kind of thing. If she's not planning on doing anything, just let her know you trust her.

      By the sound of things, her friend is supportive of her saying clean too, but as Linda said, the most you can do is tell her you're uncomfortable with it - otherwise, it's her decision.
    • Re: Don't want gf going to party with drinking/weed. Am I wrong?

      I completely agree with Linda, its her life and you cant really stop her from going. Like just because she will be around that stuff doesn't mean it will make her want to go back to her old ways. Even if she does, its her mistake to make, and she has to have the freedom to make mistakes, you just have to be there to support her and help her. If she wants to stay clean then it has to be her decision, otherwise it just wont work, any addiction, it has to be the person themselves to give it up for good, of course there will be temptations along the way, but that is all apart of the recovery from addiction. But if you say that she cannot go then she will resent you for it, and she will feel that you are trying to control her life and that just will not turn out well, you should trust in your gf that she will do the right thing, thats what a relationship is all about, Trust. She is young, and there is nothing wrong with her going out and having a good time, you just have to trust that she will be responsible when she does go out.
      People think the Irish are a bunch of drunks and brawlers, and that makes us soo mad sometimes that we just want to get drunk and punch somebody.

      The post was edited 1 time, last by kopite ().

    • Re: Don't want gf going to party with drinking/weed. Am I wrong?

      It isn't a trust issue or anything, I know she'd say no, the issue is I don't want her at that kind of party. We live in Mastic NY, it's not exactly a great neighborhood, the people here are pretty shady, including some of her friends and the people her friends associate with, I don't want her in potentially dangerous environment where illegal shit is going down.
    • Re: Don't want gf going to party with drinking/weed. Am I wrong?

      Alucard 117 wrote:

      No, you are not wrong at all. If she used to do weed, if she is given the chance, she'll do it again. Also, people tend to do stupid crap when high or drunk, so there's that too.


      Thats not true at all and you shouldn't assume such things about someone. Just because she USED to do weed doesn't mean she'll do it again just because its there. Weed isn't like alcohol or heroin and she isn't a hardcore addict. Thats just like assuming that every alcoholic will drink if given the chance again, which is pretty offensive.




      “We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are.”
      -J.K. Rowling