I lied, a lot. Desperate for advice.

    • I lied, a lot. Desperate for advice.

      Bear with me, kind of a long story. And all real names have been changed.
      There's this guy, Toby, who I've known for a while and he got my number a few weeks ago. I'm 18, and so is he. We decided to casually date, but the first night we hung out things went farther than I would have planned. So, during the week we hung out a few more times. I'm positive I'm not looking for anything serious. Just messing around and dating or whatever.
      (*Note: I am not a virgin. I lost it to my ex boyfriend, whom I loved very much, and was with for about two years. I don't regret losing it to him in the slightest. Also, please take into account that I would never let a serious relationship go this fast.)
      Regardless, we had only been hanging out a week, and we had sex. In retrospect, yes I regret sex with Toby. Because I know it was a bad decision, and it has complicated our casual dating situation a bit.
      I didn't tell my best friends, because some things I would prefer to keep personal. However, Toby told one of his best friends, Robert, and Robert and my best friend Jenna have class together. Robert thought Jenna knew, and told her all about it. Jenna got pissed, and I denied having sex with Toby. Than today, Robert overheard Jenna and I talking, and I was telling her how ridiculous it was that people were talking about my personal life.
      Robert assumed I was talking about Toby, and told Jenna he was going to text Toby about it.

      Just now, I told Jenna the truth. And about how I lied and all this. I'm just worried and confused about what to do next. Toby is an awesome guy, but I don't want anything serious with him. Is it wrong to hook up, when we both know that I'm not interested in a serious relationship? And is it wrong that I want to keep some things I feel are very personal from my friends?

    • Re: I lied, a lot. Desperate for advice.

      Just to clarify, does he know you're not interested in having a serious relationship?

      Its not wrong at all. Usually what goes on with my boyfriend, I don't really share with my friends. I don't bring them in to our problems and I don't really tell them too much just because I like to keep my relationships separate.




      “We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are.”
      -J.K. Rowling

    • Re: I lied, a lot. Desperate for advice.

      Ya thats one thing that need to be clarified for me too. Does Toby know that this is just a casual thing and that you do not want a serious relationship???

      There is nothing wrong with wanting to keep things to yourself, I think everyone is like that, they don't want people to know what goes in between themselves and anyone else. I think you should just talk to Toby about whats been happening, its not even a big a deal as you are making out, I don't think he will be mad if he knows this is just a casual thing.
      And of course its not wrong when both know its not going anywhere, if both are happy to do so then thats their business. You are both adults and you are free to choose what you want to do.
      People think the Irish are a bunch of drunks and brawlers, and that makes us soo mad sometimes that we just want to get drunk and punch somebody.

    • Re: I lied, a lot. Desperate for advice.

      Linda wrote:

      Just to clarify, does he know you're not interested in having a serious relationship?

      Its not wrong at all. Usually what goes on with my boyfriend, I don't really share with my friends. I don't bring them in to our problems and I don't really tell them too much just because I like to keep my relationships separate.

      The boy I'm dating... we have discussed that we'll just see where things go. I've told him that in this situation, it doesn't bother me if we fool around, but that the emotional part of things has to move slowly.
      I have never actually used the words 'I don't want a serious relationship'.
      Which recently, I've been thinking I should probably make that completely clear with him.

    • Re: I lied, a lot. Desperate for advice.

      createlove wrote:

      The boy I'm dating... we have discussed that we'll just see where things go. I've told him that in this situation, it doesn't bother me if we fool around, but that the emotional part of things has to move slowly.
      I have never actually used the words 'I don't want a serious relationship'.
      Which recently, I've been thinking I should probably make that completely clear with him.


      Just what I was thinking. He may just think that you want to take things slow, so I suggest you let him know clearly you're not interested in a relationship right now. If you don't, then you're just leading him on.




      “We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are.”
      -J.K. Rowling

    • Re: I lied, a lot. Desperate for advice.

      Linda wrote:

      Just what I was thinking. He may just think that you want to take things slow, so I suggest you let him know clearly you're not interested in a relationship right now. If you don't, then you're just leading him on.

      The thought has dawned on me, and obviously it's not something I want to do. Thanks for the advice.

    • Re: I lied, a lot. Desperate for advice.

      You shouldn't have to share personal things with friends if you dont want to, but you shouldn't feel the need to lie either. Just ignore the stuff, say its my business, etc. You dont owe them an explanation.

      As for the dude, theres nothing wrong with continuing to see him so long as not only do you both KNOW its casual, but that you both WANT it to be casual. If one wavers, the house will fall and people will get hurt.
      [COLOR="black"]When I'm not fighting mountain lions for sport, I read about broken homes, teenage depression, and other such life-improving awesomeness cause I'm weird like that[/COLOR]