Pinned Abusive Relationships

    • Abusive Relationships

      Abusive Relationships

      How to know if you're in one, and what to do if you are.

      Also what to do if a close friend is in an abusive relationship.


      Ask yourself these questions:

      - Does your boyfriend/girlfriend ever tell you they can't live without you?

      - Do you feel like they blame you for all of their problems?

      - Has your partner ever hit or broken anything in front of you in order to intimidate you?

      - Has your partner ever threatened to hurt themselves or other people if you were to ever break up?

      - Does your partner ever act jealous, say jealous things or forbid you from speaking to certain people?

      - Does your partner ever use phrases such as "If you love me, you would..." to get you to do sexual things with them?

      - When you express your opinion, do you feel like you're belittled or humiliated about it?

      - Does your partner often make you choose between them and your friends or family?

      - Are you constantly being checked up on, asked where you are, what you're doing and who you're with?

      - Does your partner ever threaten to break up with you, or accuse you of planning to leave them?

      If you answered yes to any of these questions, there's a chance you're in an abusive relationship. 1 in 11 teens have admitted to being hit in the past year by a boyfriend/girlfriend. You're not alone in this, and the sooner you recognize that you're in an abusive relationship, the sooner you can get out and protect yourself.

      Denial: A lot of teens will deny they're in an abusive relationship. They're either afraid to admit it out of fear that their partner will hurt them if they tell someone what's going on, or try to hurt them if they leave. Or they'll deny it out of shame, which is more often in the relationship when the female is the abusive partner.

      Recognize: Recognizing that you're being abused is the first step in getting yourself out of the relationship. Realizing that you're not in a healthy situation is the first step. You can't better your situation if you don't realize it needs bettering.

      Talk about it: Whether you talk to a friend, a close family member, or someone in your school or in the community that you can trust, you need to talk to someone. Make sure you're safe. No matter what, safety is the most important issue at hand. You need to talk to someone who can help you get out of the situation. Consider seeing this person your safe place.

      Get out: No matter what, you need to get yourself out of that situation. An abusive relationship doesn't get better. That side of a person doesn't change. If they've hit you once, chances are they'll hit you again, harder. If they emotionally abuse you, the names will get worse and more hurtful. If they sexually abuse you, it'll go from touching your inappropriately when you don't want it, to full blown rape. Abusive relationships only get worse. So much emphasis needs put on this, because a lot of people don't understand and they'll say "Oh, they'll change. They love me. It'll get better, just give them time." Unless your partner agrees to seek professional help of some sort (Anger management, counseling), the only thing you're giving them time for is to hurt you again and again.

      After you're out: After the relationship ends is probably one of the hardest time periods. Your now ex-partner might beg for you to come back, claiming they'll change for you, and that what you have is real. The best thing for you to do is ignore them. Don't take their calls. Don't answer their texts. When they come to the door, have someone tell them you're not home. Avoid them at all costs. Going back to them is only setting yourself up for more pain, more abuse.

      Starting again: This is another hard step for people. Beginning a new relationship. You don't know who to trust, you've got walls built up 10 miles high in all directions. You're not letting anyone in. Walls up is okay, as long as you have the intention to bring them down eventually. Not everyone wants to hurt you, although you may feel that way. Do you have to be careful about who to trust? Absolutely. Should you stop trusting everyone in general? Absolutely not. You'll stumble upon someone good in due time. Don't rush things, but let things happen as they should. After being in an abusive relationship, you begin to know the signs of someone who's abusive and you begin to know the people you should stay away from. It does get easier, although it doesn't seem that way to begin with. You just have to have patience.

      What if you have a friend in an abusive relationship?

      Be their support system. Be their safe place. Be the person they can talk to about things, the person who's going to help them through this tough time and who's going to pick them up when they fall. You can be someone's rock when they need you. Always have a ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. You can be the difference between that one time their boyfriend/girlfriend shoved them and they left, and that one time their boyfriend/girlfriend hit them so hard they had to go to the emergency room. You can be the one to stop it before it becomes incredibly dangerous to your friend.
    • is it ok for a boy to give a girl corporal punishment using a belt? i'm not saying i'd use a belt on a girl its just i know a boy who beat his girlfriend with a belt but he didn't think it was abuse he thought it was simply to punish. she left him after he used the belt two times i was curious what people think and some parents use a belt on their kids too!!
    • James2020 wrote:

      is it ok for a boy to give a girl corporal punishment using a belt? i'm not saying i'd use a belt on a girl its just i know a boy who beat his girlfriend with a belt but he didn't think it was abuse he thought it was simply to punish. she left him after he used the belt two times i was curious what people think and some parents use a belt on their kids too!!
      Is the boy responsible for her upbringing? You know, parent/child? If they're operating as two equal people, perhaps in a relationship and NO! If he can't handle her behavior, he needs to move on, and so does she.
    • James_is_Grounded wrote:

      is it ok for a boy to give a girl corporal punishment using a belt? i'm not saying i'd use a belt on a girl its just i know a boy who beat his girlfriend with a belt but he didn't think it was abuse he thought it was simply to punish. she left him after he used the belt two times i was curious what people think and some parents use a belt on their kids too!!
      Is it ok for a girl to give a boy corporal punishment using a belt? No. It's not okay for a grownup to "punish" another grownup.
      If we don't agree with someone's actions, we can talk to that person. If we can't convince them, we might have to go away from them or report them to the authorities.

      A grownup using a belt on a child is child abuse and lazy parental discipline.
    • so i was in a abusive relationship for a little over a year. I just turned 16 btw. So I met this boy at my school and everything was amazing, he was so caring and happy. After about 6 months I started seeing warning signs, like when I say I'm going to go surfing with some friends he wouldn't want me to go if there were guys there and he would tell me what I could wear and not wear. Like I couldn't wear too tight jeans, shorts, skirts, dresses, and tops. I was only allowed to wear sweatshirts and sweatpants. He would also want to know where I was all the time. He got angry when I would go to the gym or to y track practice because there were guys there and I would run in my sports bra and spandex. I was too afraid to leave him to I put up with it. All my friends hated him and begged me to leave him, I finally did after a year and he got really mad. He would drive by my house and stalk my windows. It got so bad that I had to go live with a friend for 6 months. I got a restraining order and he broke it twice. It got so bad at school that I had to have a SRO (student resource officer) with me at all times. I finally am free from him because he went off to college but I still have such bad anxiety that he will come back for me.
    • madden0404 wrote:

      so i was in a abusive relationship for a little over a year...
      I am sorry you had to go through this. I hope you anxiety will get better soon and even more so i hope you will find a partner who loves you for who you are and respects you, giving you all the freedom you deserve.
      curious open-minded short but not so short guy from Germany. open for conversations/PMs, all topics, all ages, all genders
    • rossjulie wrote:

      Men you are the prize.Make decisions and stand firm.These ladies do not understand logic.Do not be too nice.You will be heart broken mercilessly.Stay dangerous.
      Oh great we got a pedo that decided to signup on a teen site thinking saying this would excuse the fact you have to be 13-19 upon signing up. Also your advice doesnt make sense and seems more sexist/something an incel would say