hi,
my name is arin. im 16.
its been almost 5 years since i first cut. and a month since i last.
it started when i was real young, maybe twelve. it got to that weird point in 6th grade where everyone is trying to find who they are. and in the minds of these horrible young girls, i was not nearly becoming who they wanted to have goddamnned sleepovers with, or whatever girls that age did.
it started like that, i suppose. no where for me in school. no where for me at home either, which is a different story.
once in grade 7 a kid told the priciple that i had cuts on my arms. being called down the office i denyed it. wouldnt show my arms. there was this big thing where they called my mother and when we got home we made me show her. i had never felt so terrible. and as my mother sobbed into my hair and cried over my pain. i didnt shed a tear. i dont think it was possible.
7th and 8th is when alcohol made an appearance in my life. which made my mother cry again.
i went on to highschool, and some problems with school drama went away. i go to a artsy highschool in the city. its accepting there. but i never learned to accept myself.
then, the summer right before highschool; enter marijuana, center stage.
highschool brought cigarettes, weed, speed, sex.
in the winter of 9th grade i was caught smoking cigs. this was the first of many times i'd be caught. my parents finally said enough is enough, and i was sent to a therapist to fix me. Enter Kristen, the help.
She did help. but nothing was fixed. she wasnt the type i needed. she was too nice. i was not.
eventually occasionally cocaine use came along near the end of 10th.
cutting always went through this shit with me.
the up side to all this is, ive been sober since january, havent cut in a month, off drugs for 36 days, and quit smoking a week and a half ago.
its the hardest goddamn shit anyone has to go through as a teenager, drug addiction/abuse.
im slowly making it though. but i want to cut again now that im off drugs.
its scaring me.
cause i know how slippery of a slope im on.
i need some guidance?
xox
-A
my name is arin. im 16.
its been almost 5 years since i first cut. and a month since i last.
it started when i was real young, maybe twelve. it got to that weird point in 6th grade where everyone is trying to find who they are. and in the minds of these horrible young girls, i was not nearly becoming who they wanted to have goddamnned sleepovers with, or whatever girls that age did.
it started like that, i suppose. no where for me in school. no where for me at home either, which is a different story.
once in grade 7 a kid told the priciple that i had cuts on my arms. being called down the office i denyed it. wouldnt show my arms. there was this big thing where they called my mother and when we got home we made me show her. i had never felt so terrible. and as my mother sobbed into my hair and cried over my pain. i didnt shed a tear. i dont think it was possible.
7th and 8th is when alcohol made an appearance in my life. which made my mother cry again.
i went on to highschool, and some problems with school drama went away. i go to a artsy highschool in the city. its accepting there. but i never learned to accept myself.
then, the summer right before highschool; enter marijuana, center stage.
highschool brought cigarettes, weed, speed, sex.
in the winter of 9th grade i was caught smoking cigs. this was the first of many times i'd be caught. my parents finally said enough is enough, and i was sent to a therapist to fix me. Enter Kristen, the help.
She did help. but nothing was fixed. she wasnt the type i needed. she was too nice. i was not.
eventually occasionally cocaine use came along near the end of 10th.
cutting always went through this shit with me.
the up side to all this is, ive been sober since january, havent cut in a month, off drugs for 36 days, and quit smoking a week and a half ago.
its the hardest goddamn shit anyone has to go through as a teenager, drug addiction/abuse.
im slowly making it though. but i want to cut again now that im off drugs.
its scaring me.
cause i know how slippery of a slope im on.
i need some guidance?
xox
-A