Basically, I keep having these feelings, feelings that aren't right in my case. I feel worthless, unloved, pathetic, vulnerable, stupid, and a whole bunch of other things.
I can't eat or sleep at all. I have one bite of food and I'm already full or I feel sick.
I stay up all night, because I can't sleep knowing something is wrong.
I have been through a thing called 'seasonal depression' where it can come and go. And i would break down everyday, and just cry. Now, I can't. I try not to let things hurt me as much as I used to. But, the more I try the more I get hurt. I don't feel good about myself. This is killing me inside. I sometimes imagine the world if I wasn't here. And how it would be, how my family and friends would be. And it all seems fine. I can't take this pain anymore. It's almost like, every step I take, someone is punching me in the gut. I don't usually tell people about my feelings, because I know it'll just bug them or something. I try to deal with it myself, but I just can't. Everything has just become way harder. I just smile and laugh with everyone else, making it seem nothing is wrong with me. But, I'm tried of feeling this pain. No one understands me, and I can't explain it to them. Heck, I can't explain it to myself either. I just want to feel loved, and wanted but I don't. I don't have the urge to talk to friends, or guy friends because most of them hurt me, without them knowing. And, I'm keeping myself away from them to help me. But, this feeling that I get around [most] guy friends is jealousy. I have no idea why. I used to have attention and laugh and go along with everybody. Now, I feel like nothing. I don't want to talk to most people, or i wonder why they stopped talking to me. It gets confusing, lol. I'm not used to this, and school is coming up which I'm hoping it'll help me. I'm stuck between a rock & a hard place and I don't know what to do. /:
I know, it might not make sense, I just needed to vent all of this out. I've been keeping it in too long..
I can't eat or sleep at all. I have one bite of food and I'm already full or I feel sick.
I stay up all night, because I can't sleep knowing something is wrong.
I have been through a thing called 'seasonal depression' where it can come and go. And i would break down everyday, and just cry. Now, I can't. I try not to let things hurt me as much as I used to. But, the more I try the more I get hurt. I don't feel good about myself. This is killing me inside. I sometimes imagine the world if I wasn't here. And how it would be, how my family and friends would be. And it all seems fine. I can't take this pain anymore. It's almost like, every step I take, someone is punching me in the gut. I don't usually tell people about my feelings, because I know it'll just bug them or something. I try to deal with it myself, but I just can't. Everything has just become way harder. I just smile and laugh with everyone else, making it seem nothing is wrong with me. But, I'm tried of feeling this pain. No one understands me, and I can't explain it to them. Heck, I can't explain it to myself either. I just want to feel loved, and wanted but I don't. I don't have the urge to talk to friends, or guy friends because most of them hurt me, without them knowing. And, I'm keeping myself away from them to help me. But, this feeling that I get around [most] guy friends is jealousy. I have no idea why. I used to have attention and laugh and go along with everybody. Now, I feel like nothing. I don't want to talk to most people, or i wonder why they stopped talking to me. It gets confusing, lol. I'm not used to this, and school is coming up which I'm hoping it'll help me. I'm stuck between a rock & a hard place and I don't know what to do. /:
I know, it might not make sense, I just needed to vent all of this out. I've been keeping it in too long..