It was my 18th birthday, i had a huge part and invited the girl i love like alot, and she had a little thing for me too until i screwed it up big time..when i found out that she said she may not go for me, and i had a pill in the club, then i was fine..had another one..(she her friend were sleeping at ma house and anoter guy)..then i had another pill and smoked up..and drank alot..when i came home i was screaming her name and that i love her..when she tried to go sleep, i went and tried to kiss her and i tried to take of my shirt..and basically freaked her out i guess! (i did not remember any of this, her friend told me)..next day i apologized..and i never have done drugs in my whole life..i feel so guilt and depressed..its almost as fuk..i just feel so sad..i wana like do something..but i know its stupid...i been trana look for help..i just i dunno, i like her so much and she forgave me and wanted to just stay friends but then i bitched about her and shit cuz i was angry now i lost her as a friend..and i feel like im such a screw up..like fuk, i dunno if i shuld just forget her and get on with it...but what i did was so ridiculour i wana hurt myself for that..id hurt any other guy who did that!..what do i dooo?...i HATE DRUGS ...now, i swear il never touch it ever in my whole damn life...i HATE IT...but i miss her, i dunno what to do..i punched the wall like a maniac...and i feel like doing it again...i feel its so stupid to hurt myself..obviously it is..but sumhow it takes away that inside emotional pain, by substituting it with physical pain...someone, please...what do i do?..