History of SI and starting drugs?

    • History of SI and starting drugs?

      I started self injuring five years ago. I've had several periods of healing where I'd go months at a time without hurting myself. I was just in one of those phases, but a couple of weeks ago I had a relapse and started again. Now it's worse than ever.
      Plus I've started to abuse the medications I'm getting. I'm concerned about what this could be doing to me, but then again I'm not exactly too responsible when it comes to my life and health lately.
      My recent bout of depression has been caused by this unending sickness I've gone through. I've missed an obscene amount of school (although my grades are still ok) because of something that's wrong with my stomach. I've hardly been able to eat for a month because I'm constantly unable to keep anything down - sometimes even water.
      This has just been too frustrating for me to handle, so I started to cut myself again. Just a little at first but of course that's how it always is. It's been getting worse and worse, and last night was probably the very worst night I've had in five years - worse than when I tried to kill myself for the first time in that I was so numb and uncaring.
      I don't like it, but I just don't seem to care about what the pills and cutting are doing to me anymore. I take the pills and drink without even a thought that it could kill me.
      Anyhow, last night I took four oxycodone, six diazepam, and a few shots of vodka. Then I started to cut myself. I was going to stop after just a few, but it's like I was hypnotized. I tried to count how many cuts but I keep getting lost around 200, so I'm guessing by the area that's covered that I probably made over 300 cuts. Hurts like hell, but I still somehow don't care.
      I've convinced all of my loved ones that I stopped hurting myself, but I'm not sure if I can keep this a secret.

      I've been debating whether or not to ask my parents to take me to the hospital in fear of what the drugs might be doing, and in fear that I may just end up killing myself. I just stopped caring, but I know it would hurt a lot of people if I ended up dead.

      I guess I could just use a little guidance. Do you think I can work myself out of this rut? Or should I give in and ask to go to the hospital? And have you ever had any experience with those drug combos because I honestly don't know how dangerous it is or isn't...
      Thanks. =\

    • Re: History of SI and starting drugs?

      I have not experienced that combo but I suggest that you go to the hospital, you could have/ have danged your self vary badly

      ---------- Post added at 07:16 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:13 PM ----------

      nothing is ever worth killing yourself over, not even this please go to the hospital all your doing right now is hurting your self. We all make mistake that we are not proud of and we all live with them because we learn from them and they teach us things and we become who we are today and better people so please go to the hospital
      Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.

    • Re: History of SI and starting drugs?

      I advice you also to go the the hospital. I understand that cutting part have experience with it but really it doesn't take you anywhere good.

      Best is just tell your parents and let them take you to the hostpital, thats much better.
      Don't keep those things a secret it can really end up bad, let them help you.

      I hope it will get better.
      [CENTER]It's the missing that will kill you,
      knowing you've missed your shot.
      ☆[/CENTER]

    • Re: History of SI and starting drugs?

      Thanks for the replies.
      I've got an appointment with a gastroenterologist in a couple of weeks and I figure I'll bring it up with him then. I also plan to tell my psychiatrist about my relapse and hopefully we'll sort something out.
      Thankfully I'm not feeling ill or any bad side effects, so I can make it until my appointment.
      I'm feeling an incredible amount better now, and although that could be the bipolar side talking I'm pretty confident I'm going to be ok.
      Thanks again. :)

    • Re: History of SI and starting drugs?

      I have a pretty good understanding of what you are going through. My best friend/ex girlfriend has been suffering from a stomach sickness as well. Sometimes she is in so much pain that she can do nothing but lay in the fetal position.. and anytime she tries to eat she throws it up. It messes with her entire life, she is so depressed and scared because of this. When one is physically ill it may very well affect mental health and vice versa.
      As for the drugs, my friend also is doing the same exact thing.. however it is illegally, as the doctors refuse to give her pain medications. Her and I very recently have taken roxy on the daily (roxy is pretty much the same thing as oxy), however I quit being afraid of becoming dependent on it like I did with oxy in the past. She still takes it pretty much everyday, as it is the only thing that takes the pain away and gets rid of her constant sick feeling. However, by doing this she will most likely build up a tolerance to it and then where will she be? The truth is by abusing your drugs and taking more than necessary you are completely negating the positive effects it is supposed to provide for you. In fact, you are doing quite a bit of damage to your stomach, making it even worse for you in the long run. It is important to be careful with the drugs you are taking as well, because they are actually quite addictive.
      Your addiction to SI and abuse of drugs is going to be very difficult to overcome alone, if you are truly afraid of what you are doing to yourself and it feels like too much to handle.. then going to the hospital is probably your best option. Even though it is difficult to reach out and ask for help, there are professionals out there that can give you the help you need. It is obvious that you do care about the state you are in by acknowledging the fact that what you are doing is dangerous and considering help, this is a good thing because in order to overcome our issues we must be in the mindset to do so.. before things go waaaay too far, go to someone. Don't allow yourself to become a slave to such vices, it will only catch you in its endless cycle of trying to find temporary gratification which only leads to making your situation worse in the long run.
      [CENTER][FONT="Garamond"][COLOR="DarkRed"][SIZE="3"]Seduce&Destroy[/SIZE]
      [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
      You're sure you still wanna play this evil lil game?      [/COLOR][/FONT][/CENTER]

      The post was edited 1 time, last by Saradactyl ().