Hey. I'm a 14 yo boy (freshman), this is my first post. Sorry its gonna be so long, i'd appreciate if you read it though. For the past couple of weeks i've been hanging out with this sophomore that likes me, and it got serious even though i didn't feel the same way about her, and now there are a whole lot of fucked up things i need to fix. I can't say i don't deserve it, but if you would give me your best advice i would appreciate it. So we would hang out, kiss (no tongue bc we weren't going out), and talk. I've had sexual intentions from the beginning, but i do have some feelings for her and i care about her, and i would never hurt her on purpose. Basically i'm not using her. So about 4 days ago we went after school to this "park" behind a normal park that is secluded, and that kids go to for sex, weed, and just hanging out, as there is privacy. We got to talking about heavy stuff like sex, and i proposed it to her, even though i hadn't asked her out. When she asked me why I didn't just ask her out, I told her (honestly) that i felt that i didn't like her enough to ask her out, and that if i did there would be an imbalance of emotions (or so i thought), and that we should just remain friends, but have a sexual friendship, in which i didn't fool with other girls. So basically a relationship without the title, which although she was upset at first, did not enrage her as i persuaded her to sort of agree. So i started massaging her and stuff, as i had never even touched her butt before (this was a big step, lol) and she started getting horny. She said she wanted to but couldn't bc we just weren't going out, which I understood. So then i invited her back two days later, only this time at night, so i assumed she understood my intentions. (This is two nights ago). This is where the problem begins. Everything is great, we're cuddling, blah blah blah, then i take her pants off (consentually ofc, she practically begged me to do it), and i fingered/ate her out. Right in the middle of it, her mom calls and tells her she's on her way to pick her up. So I was frustrated that I couldn't finish, and i acted irrationally and totally uncalled for. In the heat of the moment (as we were about to have to run 2 miles back to my house in 5 minutes) i asked her for a blowjob, and she obliged, and i tried to make it quick, but i didn't cum. So I didn't finish, and we started running home. I wasn't thinking with my correct head, and a ton of shit came out of my mouth thoat shouldn't have. In anger and pain from blue balls, I yelled obscenities (possibly at her, although they weren't directed towards her), told her that her vagina didn't taste great (WTF WAS I THINKING), refused to kiss her right before she left bc she had gone down on me, and other things i probably don't remember that were assholeish, or so she told me later. I also didn't look her in the eye while we were waiting for her parents, but that along with the no-kiss was rationally excused when i told her i didn't want to get another hard on. She got home and apparently started crying and told her best friend everything, and was angry at me over text. I called her and apologized, and told her i would make it up to her. Although she is sensitive, maybe she was overreacting as she suggested, but i still feel terrible. Since she's a girl, she probably is still really upset. Sorry i'm so obviously socially retarded, but i'm rational, not emotional. SO now i don't know how she feels about me, and I'm very scared and upset, and i feel guilty. I hope i haven't developed feelings for her, and that she hasn't lost them for me. How can i find out? I am planning to "make it up to her' in three days (the soonest she can come over) by inviting her back to the forest place and setting it with flowers, candles, chocolates, and a blankets or something? This is just my attempt at being empathetic, and I really need advice. Should i wait until thursday to talk to her? Will she lose feelings for me by then? Will her resentment only grow? At this point i am not focused on sex at all, just on winning her back. I want to do this the right way, but fast. Should i just talk to her tmm 1 on 1? What would i say? I want to prove I'm not like how i acted, and stuff. Maybe IM the one that's overreacting right now, but its better safe than sorry. I fucked up big, and i need to fix it now. If i do, and i end up having feelings (beyond guilt and sadness lol) for her, it would mean a great relationship, tons of sex, etc. What to do, oh wise forum goers? Thanks in advance. Oh, and asking her out probably isn't good right now, because i don't know if I like her. i need replies fast! 
