I feel like it is all that is left

    • I feel like it is all that is left

      I don't want to kill myself. Yes I want to die so badly, but suicide would hurt others so badly. Ive always been so worried about what other people think of me and my actions. I know killing myself would make my family and friends and husband very upset. But i feel like it is all that i have left to do. Happiness seems impossible. I feel numb to any positive things in my life, like i cant feel at all. I cut myself because the pain reminds me Im alive and releases my built up anger and frustration so i dont explode at others.My family husband and friends are all 2000 miles away and would just be mad if i told them i was depressed and hurting myself again. I feel like this is my last option. No feeling is better than only feeling pain. Im so tired i do so much for others and i try so hard in life but The mask i put on is falling apart. What am I suppose to do?

    • Re: I feel like it is all that is left

      Try focusing on the concrete, rather than abstract things like "the mask is falling apart" (these sorts of formless negative vibes can colour all your experiences and be hard to eradicate because they're self-sustaining), or past things like "I've always been.." (you're here right now, you're not back there. You can do whatever you want from here on out). That is, find some little thing that can be done about some problem, and do it. This even includes little, ostensibly unproductive things like "just remind myself that things will be a little better come April when I get to see my husband" (or whatever).

      Cutting yourself vs. blowing up at others is a false dilemma. I and many other people neither cut ourselves nor blow up at other people. I personally go for a walk, or listen to some music. I don't mean to sound holier-than-thou, just to point out that there really are many many more useful (or at least less destructive) ways to release stress.

      What is the cause of this pain that you are feeling? Why are you 2000 miles away from everyone?