Advice - was it rape?

    • Advice - was it rape?

      One year ago when I was sixteen I was at a party and I was really intoxicated. This guy that was 21 and I were alone in a room and we had sex. I told him no, I didn't want to but he kept going further. I was so drunk I must have blacked out because I don't remember any specifics after that. I didn't even remember what happened until I found the condom wrapper the next morning.

      I was a virgin up until then...

      The worst part for me is I don't know what to SAY happened. Was I a slutty dumb *** who drunkenly had sex with some random dude, or was I legitimately taken advantage of... was it rape? (I know technically by state standards it was "rape" because of the age difference, but I don't a **** about that... I just want to know what it was)

      I feel like if I could just give it a NAME it would be over with. If I could just pin it down, if I was to blame... everything would be okay.

      Could you help? Please be honest, would you consider this rape?

      I don't want to say I was raped when I really wasn't, and friends thinking I made a big deal out of nothing.

    • Re: Advice - was it rape?

      It was rape in two forms 1. you were underage 2. you did not consent

      Regardless what anyone says, getting drunk at a party shouldn't constitute rape. Does it happen?yes Does it put you more at risk? yes. That doesn't make it your fault though.

      He's an asshole and you didn't deserve that. Nobody does and no decent person, ESPECIALLY AN ADULT, would do that to a young lady.
      "Nothing ruins the taste of peanut butter like unrequited love" - Charlie Brown

    • Re: Advice - was it rape?

      meg.loomis wrote:

      If he took advantage of you when you said no, it's rape. Especially if you passed out.. A decent guy would've backed off.



      Agree with this.
      But ye also you could have known something like that would happen on a party when you will get that drunk, you know always those stuff happen when youre drunk.
      [CENTER]It's the missing that will kill you,
      knowing you've missed your shot.
      ☆[/CENTER]

    • Re: Advice - was it rape?

      It's absolutely rape.

      You were drunk and not of sound mind to consent, and in your state it could be illegal for a 21 yr old to have sex with a sixteen yr old. Age of consent in California is 18, for instance.

      It is NOT YOUR FAULT. It is never the victim's fault when they are raped. It doesn't matter what you were wearing, how drunk you were, or where you were.

      Rape is all the rapist's fault.
      Author of the love and relationship advice blog Staked in the Heart stakedintheheart.com/

    • Re: Advice - was it rape?

      jellofish28 wrote:

      One year ago when I was sixteen I was at a party and I was really intoxicated. This guy that was 21 and I were alone in a room and we had sex. I told him no, I didn't want to but he kept going further. I was so drunk I must have blacked out because I don't remember any specifics after that. I didn't even remember what happened until I found the condom wrapper the next morning.

      I was a virgin up until then...

      The worst part for me is I don't know what to SAY happened. Was I a slutty dumb *** who drunkenly had sex with some random dude, or was I legitimately taken advantage of... was it rape? (I know technically by state standards it was "rape" because of the age difference, but I don't a **** about that... I just want to know what it was)

      I feel like if I could just give it a NAME it would be over with. If I could just pin it down, if I was to blame... everything would be okay.

      Could you help? Please be honest, would you consider this rape?

      I don't want to say I was raped when I really wasn't, and friends thinking I made a big deal out of nothing.


      Yes it was rape. You were intoxicated, which means your judgement was affected. If you were sober would you let it happen? I'm guessing not..you were just under the influence of alcohol.

    • Re: Advice - was it rape?

      Twenty-Five_25 wrote:

      It was rape in two forms 1. you were underage 2. you did not consent


      How do you know? She could be British where the legal age is 16.

      To OP: Those parties tend to always involve sex. You should have set a limit and stuck to it - having blackouts from previous memories or passing out (whichever happened), should not be happening at your age.
      BUT, I am not saying you are to blame, as you said no. Because you said no (unless you then agreed to it and do not remember it from alcohol consumption), that is rape.
      Either way, it'd be very hard to prove.
      [CENTER]

      [SIZE="1"][FONT="Georgia"][COLOR="Black"]When the city sleeps, I'm wide awake.
      You know what I see? High rises. Low lifes.
      Bright lights and back alleys.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE]

      [/CENTER]

      The post was edited 1 time, last by Shortages ().