So, a week ago I kissed my best friend of 4 years for the first time. We had been talking about it for about a year but everytime we saw each other, we just ignored all our fb and skype conversations. (I only get to see him every few months cause he lives a ways away).

A little background:
I've like him for about 4 years, the entire time we've been best friends, and I loved him for about the last 2. He knew this after last New Years Eve (a year ago). He'd always been very "i don't want to ruin the friendship" thing so I was always thinking that well, oh well, he doesn't like me that way, whatever. But about 3 weeks ago we were talking on skype and I was talking about these two guys that I had gone on dates with and all of a sudden he started throwing his name into the mix. I teased him about it, thinking that he was joking. But after a little proding, he came out and admitted that he had liked me since we went to prom together in our junior year (about 2 years ago). We talked about this for a little bit then said goodbye.

So fastforward to a week ago:
He sent me a text saying that he was at the high school watching his little brother's baseball game so i headed over there. After a bit of actually watching the game we headed up into the actual campus and walked around a bit, we were obviously both thinking the same thing and finally after a lot of dancing around the subject and my having to go home, he just flat out said "you want to try it? I know that you've been thinking about it" i responded "you have been too" and he just smiled and



It was akward. I didn't feel anything. Nothing. It wasn't that it was bad, It wasn't that it was good. It was just nothing! I just don't know. Years and it was just nothing! I didn't even think about after it happened. It took me like 2 days to accept that it happened. Normally when I make out with someone, and yes this was makeout, I at least think about it a little.

A few minutes in he stopped and said "this is akward" and i just agreed and he walked me to my car and I went home. What do you think made it that bad?

I think it might be that there were 4 little girls that were spying on us, we totally knew. or that it was in a parking lot. Or that there was so much pressure on it. Or that we'd known each other for too long. Or that maybe neither of us were in the mood? I don't know. Your thoughts?

no i wasn't looking for fireworks. I'm not a hopeless romantic and i've kissed enough people to know that things like that don't happen but this wasn't like a normal kiss. It was just nothing. Trust me, there's a difference. I guess I would put it to like, kissing a wall or something. I'm thinking that yeah, it was probably just too much pressure. I don't know. I suppose all I can do is just see how things go.

he just told me that he doesn't want to be friends with me anymore. That he never wants to talk to me again.

I did tell him about it. And he said the same thing. And things aren't going to get fixed up with him. I think that's it. It only took me talking to someone I really trust to make me realize that he was just holding me back. I'm going to college, he's going in the military. I'm making more friends, he's burning bridges. I have a solid job, he can't keep a job. We've completely grown apart and it just took him telling me everything that was wrong with me last night for me to realize that. It's his loss.

No, don't feel bad for him. He was the one that "broke up" with me as friends. It was only after that happened, and his telling me everything that was wrong with me to figure out that he was holding me back.