Okay. Let's see here how should I start.
Well, first I'll say hello to the community here. I prefer not to mention my real name here, maybe because I'm paranoid of anyone finding out about who I was and why I made his thread.
Let's start with saying that this is a social problem, and maybe personal as well. (admins please move if this isn't the right section). This issue is in school and somewhat outside of it too.
Backstory:
I just got into high school, (9th grade). I used to think I had a bully problem, but the truth was that I made a huge deal out of everything that was really sarcasm and humor. It made me paranoid and it also made me alienate any friends I had. That was 2nd grade. It carried on into 4th grade. By then classmates and friends decided that It was so much fun to piss me off that they'd do it everyday. I would be called down in sports, partially because of my doing, but also just because id give a reaction. People would devise weeks-long pranks on me because I was gullible as h***. In sixth grade it got Into dirty jokes, which I was bombarded with every day. Then it got into sexual innuendo and relationship pranks, one of those weeks-long things again.
Just before I got into high school, I took a look at my behavior and others behaviors, and realized that it was me that was the problem. I was taking most of those things way too seriously. Some were still cruel in their own regard, but mostly I took things way too seriously.
So I learned to avoid those mistakes in high school, for 6 1/2 months I managed to make friends with a mid-sized social group who liked me for who I was. It was great, until 3 months ago.
I'll have aliases for my friends since I wish to remain anonymous.
I have general friends within the group, (list off by alias) S, L, R, K, E, I, A, M, J, C, M and Mc.
Here's the case: S was quiet, and didn't make friends easily, she has L to be her friend and slowly started connecting easier. but then she heard R call L a wh***. that's when S*** went down. R denied the whole thing, and L believed her. so S got completely hated by the entire group since L and R seem to be the alpha types. I had become friends with S (quite close), and knew that she wouldn't lie about that. she seemed to be a bit depressed, but I thought that if i intervened that it would compromise our friendship, so I decided to let her sort it out herself. when this happened, the group of friends seemed to split up. normally I'd see them near L's locker, but this didn't happen, for at least a month. I saw them again one day and decided to ask about S. for some reason I hadn't seen her in 3 days, figured she had been sick. they called her down, talked s*** about her, it was awful, but I just stood and observed it, of course I didn't blow my neutral appearance cover because I feared for hat was going on, and I feared that I might get pulled into a giant mess.
Later, via Facebook, S contacted me, she had moved away to a town 800KM away from my city. I was confused and contemplated whether she was being forced to say that because she had been kidnapped, but that wasn't the case at all. Later she told me that her dad was bipolar and was lying about seeing a therapist for his condition. he said a long time in the past that he was going to kidnap her (quote -"he said that one of these days, we were going to move, and I couldn't tell anyone where I had gone"). see any difference? there's more...
by the time she had managed to tell me all of this, she was going to school in her new town. She's gone. I miss her. she Misses me. and it's painful knowing that life isn't the same with her gone so abruptly.
and that's the beginning.
Later - this is just a few weeks ago - L got a new boyfriend.
don't get me wrong, L is a great person, I mean they all are, but sometimes there's just too much drama.
shortly after, I started to notice behavioural changes in her. she'd always be preoccupied with her text-messages, and for some reason I couldn't make her laugh anymore, much less make her talk to me.
more background Info: no, I don't want an intimate relationship with her. I'm just the guy that's always there, always nice, and doesn't take sides. I'm friends with everyone and that works, PLUS it's genuine.
she always seemed to be able to talk to someone else, but when I talked, she just kinda sarcastically laughed, and kinda walked off. It confused me greatly. then I realised that shortly before this I was shocking her, just by poking her on the shoulder, and she laughed at it just because she couldn't do it back and it was a funny game I guess. she was laughing and I was just goofing around, it's not like I was deliberately trying to piss her off or touch her innappropriately. H**lz no I would never do that!
bu that seems to be the only thing that made her laugh before she started behaving this way. I think I crossed some kind of boundary. yet even when I try to talk to her about it, she seems to ignore my questions and just walks on.
I hate this feeling, I had a friend once from 8th grade (I had managed to mellow out a bit) and because I crossed a boundary of some sort (again don't know what). but we made a deal to respect each other, and it works. I do not wnat to screw up so royally again, so I try fixing the problem, but I can't even ask because she passively ignores me.
I hate this feeling I have, because it's a chain reaction that happened in elementary, and if it happens again, my life is going to be completely, totally messed up AGAIN.
I have teleconference courses because I take a different language. but on the other class that we see there are three girls. I had had previous encounters with them in which all ended badly, and even my teacher was pissed off at them. then I find out that they bullied an 8th grade student into wearing sunglasses during class to piss off my teacher, and she said it was those same three girls. I was enraged! taking advantage of someone's limited knowledge of high school like that was WRONG. so I contacted them via facebook and said some pretty harsh things. long story short, I got in a large quantity of trouble and I knew it was may fault and that It was wrong of me to do such a thing in the first place.
soon after, I realized that this was it. The beginning of the Chain reaction. it started with me doing a completely spontaneous, in the monent, brutal action that had consequences. then my marks would decline because of it. my friends would start to find me annoying, and later I would essentially be the kid I was in elementary. I did NOT want that to happen, but it was already too late. I had already started something that couldn't be stopped.
now that S is gone, and i think I've alienated L, I am nearly devestated by these things because I know that I did something to provoke this.
S hinted that she was depressed and on a subconscious level was begging me to help her. and L was completely fine until her boyfriend, and my crossing of a personal boundary.
you see I'm a rational kid. I know what alcohol, drugs, and tabacco does to you and I intend never to use them in my life. when something goes wrong, I play out scenarios in my head so i can consider all my options, for a good outcome, for both the group and for me. I have a job at an arts centre, relaying technical expertise to artists for their computers, and I am also head of configuration and control of 20 iPads in my school. I mean, i'm at the top of my proverbial game.
but there's a bad side to my personality. I compartmentalize my emotions. I can't do anything else because releasing emotions, or even having friendships, or even intimate feelings for someone is like walking the tight rope on fishing line... It's possible, but it's very, VERY difficult to do.
if i slip even once, It majorly screws up my life.
I've already slipped twice.
here's what I wish to know:
1: how do I recognize the boundary I crossed with L, and rectify the problem.
2: how do I deal with S being 800KM's away. The missing part of that equation is painful.
3: am I over-evaluating this situation? are my arguments logical and justified? how do I make sense of it all and put it back to the stability it once had?
Thanks for looking at this derpy rant, and any advice is appreciated.
109karem220
Well, first I'll say hello to the community here. I prefer not to mention my real name here, maybe because I'm paranoid of anyone finding out about who I was and why I made his thread.
Let's start with saying that this is a social problem, and maybe personal as well. (admins please move if this isn't the right section). This issue is in school and somewhat outside of it too.
Backstory:
I just got into high school, (9th grade). I used to think I had a bully problem, but the truth was that I made a huge deal out of everything that was really sarcasm and humor. It made me paranoid and it also made me alienate any friends I had. That was 2nd grade. It carried on into 4th grade. By then classmates and friends decided that It was so much fun to piss me off that they'd do it everyday. I would be called down in sports, partially because of my doing, but also just because id give a reaction. People would devise weeks-long pranks on me because I was gullible as h***. In sixth grade it got Into dirty jokes, which I was bombarded with every day. Then it got into sexual innuendo and relationship pranks, one of those weeks-long things again.
Just before I got into high school, I took a look at my behavior and others behaviors, and realized that it was me that was the problem. I was taking most of those things way too seriously. Some were still cruel in their own regard, but mostly I took things way too seriously.
So I learned to avoid those mistakes in high school, for 6 1/2 months I managed to make friends with a mid-sized social group who liked me for who I was. It was great, until 3 months ago.
I'll have aliases for my friends since I wish to remain anonymous.
I have general friends within the group, (list off by alias) S, L, R, K, E, I, A, M, J, C, M and Mc.
Here's the case: S was quiet, and didn't make friends easily, she has L to be her friend and slowly started connecting easier. but then she heard R call L a wh***. that's when S*** went down. R denied the whole thing, and L believed her. so S got completely hated by the entire group since L and R seem to be the alpha types. I had become friends with S (quite close), and knew that she wouldn't lie about that. she seemed to be a bit depressed, but I thought that if i intervened that it would compromise our friendship, so I decided to let her sort it out herself. when this happened, the group of friends seemed to split up. normally I'd see them near L's locker, but this didn't happen, for at least a month. I saw them again one day and decided to ask about S. for some reason I hadn't seen her in 3 days, figured she had been sick. they called her down, talked s*** about her, it was awful, but I just stood and observed it, of course I didn't blow my neutral appearance cover because I feared for hat was going on, and I feared that I might get pulled into a giant mess.
Later, via Facebook, S contacted me, she had moved away to a town 800KM away from my city. I was confused and contemplated whether she was being forced to say that because she had been kidnapped, but that wasn't the case at all. Later she told me that her dad was bipolar and was lying about seeing a therapist for his condition. he said a long time in the past that he was going to kidnap her (quote -"he said that one of these days, we were going to move, and I couldn't tell anyone where I had gone"). see any difference? there's more...
by the time she had managed to tell me all of this, she was going to school in her new town. She's gone. I miss her. she Misses me. and it's painful knowing that life isn't the same with her gone so abruptly.
and that's the beginning.
Later - this is just a few weeks ago - L got a new boyfriend.
don't get me wrong, L is a great person, I mean they all are, but sometimes there's just too much drama.
shortly after, I started to notice behavioural changes in her. she'd always be preoccupied with her text-messages, and for some reason I couldn't make her laugh anymore, much less make her talk to me.
more background Info: no, I don't want an intimate relationship with her. I'm just the guy that's always there, always nice, and doesn't take sides. I'm friends with everyone and that works, PLUS it's genuine.
she always seemed to be able to talk to someone else, but when I talked, she just kinda sarcastically laughed, and kinda walked off. It confused me greatly. then I realised that shortly before this I was shocking her, just by poking her on the shoulder, and she laughed at it just because she couldn't do it back and it was a funny game I guess. she was laughing and I was just goofing around, it's not like I was deliberately trying to piss her off or touch her innappropriately. H**lz no I would never do that!
bu that seems to be the only thing that made her laugh before she started behaving this way. I think I crossed some kind of boundary. yet even when I try to talk to her about it, she seems to ignore my questions and just walks on.
I hate this feeling, I had a friend once from 8th grade (I had managed to mellow out a bit) and because I crossed a boundary of some sort (again don't know what). but we made a deal to respect each other, and it works. I do not wnat to screw up so royally again, so I try fixing the problem, but I can't even ask because she passively ignores me.
I hate this feeling I have, because it's a chain reaction that happened in elementary, and if it happens again, my life is going to be completely, totally messed up AGAIN.
I have teleconference courses because I take a different language. but on the other class that we see there are three girls. I had had previous encounters with them in which all ended badly, and even my teacher was pissed off at them. then I find out that they bullied an 8th grade student into wearing sunglasses during class to piss off my teacher, and she said it was those same three girls. I was enraged! taking advantage of someone's limited knowledge of high school like that was WRONG. so I contacted them via facebook and said some pretty harsh things. long story short, I got in a large quantity of trouble and I knew it was may fault and that It was wrong of me to do such a thing in the first place.
soon after, I realized that this was it. The beginning of the Chain reaction. it started with me doing a completely spontaneous, in the monent, brutal action that had consequences. then my marks would decline because of it. my friends would start to find me annoying, and later I would essentially be the kid I was in elementary. I did NOT want that to happen, but it was already too late. I had already started something that couldn't be stopped.
now that S is gone, and i think I've alienated L, I am nearly devestated by these things because I know that I did something to provoke this.
S hinted that she was depressed and on a subconscious level was begging me to help her. and L was completely fine until her boyfriend, and my crossing of a personal boundary.
you see I'm a rational kid. I know what alcohol, drugs, and tabacco does to you and I intend never to use them in my life. when something goes wrong, I play out scenarios in my head so i can consider all my options, for a good outcome, for both the group and for me. I have a job at an arts centre, relaying technical expertise to artists for their computers, and I am also head of configuration and control of 20 iPads in my school. I mean, i'm at the top of my proverbial game.
but there's a bad side to my personality. I compartmentalize my emotions. I can't do anything else because releasing emotions, or even having friendships, or even intimate feelings for someone is like walking the tight rope on fishing line... It's possible, but it's very, VERY difficult to do.
if i slip even once, It majorly screws up my life.
I've already slipped twice.
here's what I wish to know:
1: how do I recognize the boundary I crossed with L, and rectify the problem.
2: how do I deal with S being 800KM's away. The missing part of that equation is painful.
3: am I over-evaluating this situation? are my arguments logical and justified? how do I make sense of it all and put it back to the stability it once had?
Thanks for looking at this derpy rant, and any advice is appreciated.
109karem220