How I Hate...

    • How I Hate...

      Right now,
      I hate myself.
      I hate everything about me.
      I hate the way I look.
      I hate that I don't feel special,
      I hate that I hate myself,
      I hate everything about me.
      I feel like I have,
      This ball of depression,
      Pushing down on the top of my lungs,
      And my spine.
      I don't know what to do,
      It makes me feel sick.
      And all I want to do,
      Is vomit up my emotions.
      And I have these notions,
      That life isn't worth living,
      When you're not living life,
      But what is worth living life for?
      I feel as if I have this fog,
      Covering my brain,
      And blinding my eyes,
      And I hate it.
      I hate feeling like no one cares,
      I hate feeling like I've fixed me,
      Just to find myself breaking apart.
      I hate not knowing exactly how I feel and why,
      Because it's all some tangled web.
      I hate feeling like I'm going insane,
      And there's nothing I can do to stop it.
      I hate crying,
      and how weak it makes me feel.
      I hate feeling like I should be dying,
      When my heart doesn't seem to care.
      I hate people asking me what's wrong,
      Because they're curious,
      Not because they actually care.
      I hate that when I look in the mirror,
      All I can see is this broken wreck of my former self,
      Who isn't anything like the person I want to be.
      I hate that I never feel good enough,
      And that I'm a failure to myself and everyone around me.
      I hate that I'm always sick,
      And that I never really feel perfectly good.
      And if I do,
      Someone is always waiting patiently,
      To crush it, along with my heart.
      I hate having my emotions chase me,
      Just to find out I'm chasing them,
      And they're leading me in a circle.
      I hate it when people tell me something,
      But they know they don't really mean it.
      And I hate it when people won't admit,
      Exactly how they feel,
      Because they're just too afraid.
      I hate people who have to make stupid jokes,
      Every chance they get,
      Because they can't handle how they feel.
      I hate feeling like I'm the only one on earth,
      Who understands how I feel,
      Or who even cares.
      I hate feeling this way,
      And I hate hating everything.
      I hate writing poetry,
      And then feeling like it's faulty,
      Just like me.
      I hate being told to be positive,
      When I hate it.