GF Jealousy (Insecurity?)

    • GF Jealousy (Insecurity?)

      Hey there, I'm 15 and today is my 4 month anniversary with my girlfriend. I like her more and more every day, and our relationship is going great, but I notice lately that I've become very jealous over small and insignificant things, and as I see the irrationality in it I become more upset over my jealousy. This is my first serious relationship, and probably the first time I've really liked someone in 2 or 3 years.

      An example of my jealousy is that she told me she watches porn a lot tonight. I watch it too and it's not cheating, so why should I be upset over that? I knew she did for a while, but tonight I asked and she told me what kinds of vids she watches (hardcore, anal and gangbang) and where she watches/how often she watches, and it really upset me so much that I couldn't hide it. I know she won't cheat on me and that she likes me a ton too, so why should I be worried about how she gets off right? But the idea that she fantasizes about other men ****ing her and that I can't please her enough frustrates me, and especially the fact that she fantasizes about getting gangbanged. I asked her half jokingly if she wanted to get gangbanged and of course she told me no, just that it was fun to watch, and I know that's a lie but I'm not sure if I have any right to be upset. I mean i'm a huge hypocrite, I watch porn too, and maybe once in a while to be completely truthful I fantasize about other girls too, but I still hate that she does it too.

      Maybe she thinks that her being sexual is a turn on, and I think the pre-in love me would agree, but ever since I've started going out with her I've turned into a completely different person than I thought I was. I used to think (not necessarily positively) that I was abrasive, logical, cocky, unromantic and relaxed; not melodramatic at all, and now I've become a weak, feminine, jealous, insecure p***y, even more so than my girlfriend!

      I used to also get super upset over her past, even though I'm her first bf and she's only kissed 4 guys, and she had never done anything sexual before me. But i would get disturbed over simply knowing who she liked and flirted with (i'd call her an emotional whore, she liked a ton of people compared to me) and ESPECIALLY over the fact that she flirted with two of my best friends before talking to me, even though she's never cheated or really flirted with any other guys during our time together, except for one weekend i ignored her early in our relationship, and she half flirted with some guy. I forgive her for that though strangely, i guess since it was my fault.

      It's ironic because early on i didn't feel this way at all, I hadn't had such strong emotions for her and I was chill about everything, but now I'm some uptight, obsessive insecure freak. Maybe this is TMI, but I've also never made her orgasm.. which i feel pretty shitty about. I've tried everything X( And up until now I thought I was generally secure about myself, I know Ive got some great genes and qualities, but now I sometimes can't sleep because I'm so jealous. I feel like I've written way too much, especially to people who probably don't care, but i guess it's better than paying for a therapist who I know won't care, lol. Thanks in advance for reading this and giving advice Apart from venting, my main question is: Is my jealousy reasonable? How do I get over my jealousy? Where does it come from? I really don't want to lose this girl, and I know i might if I don't start relaxing. :p
    • Re: GF Jealousy (Insecurity?)

      So though your feelings are very valid I've come to learn that Jealousy is very common. Almost every single person gets jealous, its natural. What you do about that jealousy however is what makes or breaks the normality of it. If your taking these feelings out on her that is not fair. One thing you need to understand is that it IS NOT her fault that you are jealous. If it was, then wouldn't you just leave her and move on? She clearly is not out cheating on you or doing anything that you wouldn't approve of or else you wouldn't be in this relationship. As far as getting over the jealousy you just need to start reminding yourself that you have no reason to be jealous. You need to stop taking your relationship Sooooo seriously. Either she is going to be with you and be loyal or she isn't. You don't want her to just stay with you because you constantly make her worried by your jealousy. You need to just let the relationship happen. Let your guard down.