is this a good start?

    • is this a good start?

      is this a good begaining to a story? Would it make you want to read more?
      It wont be that good cuz i wrote it 2 years ago and it was my first story.

      I was running thourgh the forest, confused, unable to find a way out. Even when I looked up i didnt know where i was becasue the tree tops are so thick. I heard a small clap of thunder off in the distance. There was no way to tell where it was coming from. The forest was silent. Not a single animal was around. The only noise i could hear was the thunder. Slowly, each boom was getting louder. I was getting more worried with each minute that passed. There was no wind. Everything was completely still. It was humid, but no rain. There was a loud clap of thunder and a flash a lighting. I opened my eyes.
      [FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"]Imagine living like a king someday, a single night without a ghost in the walls[/FONT]
    • Re: is this a good start?

      calvindiaz214 wrote:

      Enjoyed reading post. Excellent start. Wish I had a creative mind like you. It feels like I am in a tree house hearing the noise of thunder and flash that creates fear and when I opened my eyes...............wish to hear more from you. Really enjoy reading your post and looking forward to know more after you opened your eyes.........


      thanks
      [FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"]Imagine living like a king someday, a single night without a ghost in the walls[/FONT]
    • Re: is this a good start?

      Well it has an interesting beginning, but you break off into too many short sentence. I'm guessing you are trying to create a mood of suspense using that technique but something is missing.
      Also do a little more show and a little less tell. Example, instead of I was running, confused, unable to find a way out. Try; I was running; flying past unfamiliar trees and shrubs. Everywhere seemed to be a dead end, and my heart beat sped up with panic, as I felt trapped by the forest.
      or something like that.

      __
      Just my 2 cents. Disregard if you so desire.
    • Re: is this a good start?

      I would agree with what Jeminii said. Using descriptive phrases rather than simple nouns and adjectives can change your writing into something so much better, although it's a good start regardless. I could feel the anxiety and, sort of, rushed/fleeing feeling through the whole paragraph, which is something most people have a hard time doing, switching feelings into words. I'd read more.
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