A Whole Lot

    • My girlfriend and I have been dating for 11 months now, one year coming up soon. We've been arguing for a long time now over stupid stuff and important stuff. We act like a married couple basically. We're both debatable people so that's how our arguments start, but it's sometimes pointless arguments like over a movie or an opinion, but then we also argue about our relationship. It feels like after we fight, she loves me less, but that isn't so. We both are insecure, I'm more insecure than her, yeah, but she has her spells. I try to help her, but I can only do so much, she has to help herself and it looks like she isn't trying to. Also, she hates where she's living and puts it on her shoulders, until she moves away. So no matter what I do, I can't get her to be as happy as she wants.

      I'm a very jealous person, and I get flared up easily when she's attracted to someone, and has BlackBerry Messenger updates about a celebrity guy or talks on the phone with her guy friends (and the reason is I feel like she talks more with them than me cause when we're on the phone she just wants me to talk, but I want to hear her also, so I get jealous over thinking of she might be having a better time with guy friends than her boyfriend). I don't know, I'm just a very jealous person, and when I'm jealous, over thinking follows and it's just a big mess on my emotional and mental state. How can I get over this or reduce it? Also, she says that everything she does is wrong when it isn't. She has this thought stuck in her head and can't get it out, so when I don't agree with her, she thinks I'm always against her.

      We say sorry to each other all the time. I get upset sometimes and don't know what to say to her so I continue to say sorry.

      There's more. I've messed up! We fell in love early, like real love, not some teenager lover thing that goes away. And I was blind to see that she was reaaaally crazy for me and very in love when I was just in basic love at the time. So when she wanted me to call her I didn't cause I'm shy of phones, I never opened doors for her all the time, I never said I love you as much (but I do it all the time now), she was just crazy for me. Now that I'm crazy for her, she isn't so much. Eventually I won her back and she says she's crazy for me again, but I don't see it. Is it because I'm blind to love or something? Help me out here.

      One last thing. She said I didn't and still don't flirt. I do flirt, and sometimes it's a non traditional way, but she continues to say that I don't flirt. Should I still try, or doing it now will just come off as trying too hard to flirt with her. That's what I think and feel.

      It's a whole calamity. We've fixed some of the problems like the amount of fighting and arguing and being good to each other, but it comes around now and then. How can I help her more and how can I help myself? How can we help our relationship?

      P.S: I am the best boyfriend she's had, and I've done what others haven't for her. Also, How can I get over the fear of singing in front of her. I'd like to do that, to "serenade" her as one would say.

      Thanks. :)
    • Re: A Whole Lot

      You tagged it right. Overthinking, my good man, is how a relationship goes from bad(your current issue) to boom.

      If you really wanna get the ball rolling on fixing your relationship, the best thing to do may be to take some time away from one another. Go a couple of days without talking to one another and come back to discuss how you feel. Otherwise, I wouldn't say you have much time left.

      You've gotten yourself into a position where you can't even be happy in your own relationship, and the point of the relationship in the first place was to make you happy. In saying that, I'm not going to tell you that it's hopeless, but I am going to tell you that at this critical juncture, I'd suggest you and her get your asses to work on figuring out where the distrust in your relationship is stemming from and tackling the problem together and head-on.
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