Weird Situation help? (Sorry.. it's long...)

    • Weird Situation help? (Sorry.. it's long...)

      Hello, I’ve been having some… I guess you could call it confusion about something for several years now, and I’ve tried to get some advice on the subject before, but it’s a weird situation and I’m kind of embarrassed about it. However, for anyone to understand it I’m going to have to give you the entire run down and please try not to judge me too much…

      Okay, for starters, I have four best friends and we are the “out casts” of our school basically. Everyone think we’re nice, but they think we’re either too boring, or too nerdy, or too unattractive, or they just don’t think we’re worth talking too much, because they only times we really have chats with our peers is about homework. I’ve never been to any of their parties; they’ve never called me, nothing, so I’m basically missing out on the whole “teenager” thing. But that’s not a problem for me, I’m fine with that.

      The problem is that even though I don’t like to talk to my peers much because to me they don’t talk about anything rational… so… I talk to the next willing people: my teachers. Now, sure, it’s fine to talk with your teachers, but I’m like… really close friends with all my teachers. And by “close friends” I mean not only am I basically a teacher’s pet, but since school’s ended I’ve still been talking to them and I don’t mean about school things… like… friendly chats? And for example, if you were to run into your friends at a festival you would probably hang out there together, well it’s like that if I run into my teachers anywhere.

      My friends have already brought to my attention many times that my… “relationships” with my teachers is really weird and odd, but honestly, my teachers don’t seem to mind, and I see nothing wrong with it just because of our age difference and how we met… And other people I’ve ask have said that friends come in all different shapes and sizes, so they think it’s fine…

      Now that you know about my “friends” I’ll get to my problem. (Sorry this is getting so long…) So… I had this one teacher who I was close with, like my other teachers, and I was really looking forward to my future years in her class because her class got to go on trips. But other than that, she came to our school several years ago and she’s the youngest teacher we have, so she’s really friendly with all of us and she likes to joke around with us. So I was mainly looking forward to the trips because the classes above mine had tons of fun with her and they’re like a big, happy family. And well… she left… but in reality, she’s actually WAY closer to me now, and she’s still in town.

      So… I have never missed anyone as much as I have missed her. This is a bit embarrassing to admit, but I cried for days after school ended and I’ve never cried that much about anything before. Basically, it’s making my summer break rather miserable, but it wouldn’t be so bad if I could just stop thinking about her. I mean, I act like she died for something… everything… and I do mean EVERYTING, reminds me of her, (probably because I know so much about her...) and I just can’t stop missing her… I think it was just a bit too abrupt for my mind to handle or something…

      I really just want to see/ talk to her again. So… do you think it would be too much to send her a letter or something asking her how she is? I don’t know her phone number so I can’t just call her, but… I just don’t know what to do. It’s really problematic because I can’t do anything without being sad and missing her. And I don’t think she’d mind much if I sent her a letter because she always loved the letters I gave her, but that was in person at school… (Once she even invited me out for coffee as weird as that may be, but that’s just typical for me and my teachers…) I don’t know… could someone help me out?

      This is probably a really weird (and long) situation I’m in, and it’s probably not a very normal one, but I could really use some help. I just miss chatting with her… and my friends are not helping me out at all because they think it’s weird I still talk to our teachers over summer…

      Thanks for any advice you may have…
    • Re: Weird Situation help? (Sorry.. it's long...)

      First, your situation is not weird or abnormal. It is not typical, but you are not weird. Be kind to yourself. You basically have a "friend" who has moved away, even though she is still in the same town. I believe that people come into our lives for a reason. They are there to teach us something about ourselves. It sounds like this particular teacher allowed you to be yourself without judgment. It sounded like you were able to learn more about yourself when you were with her.

      I think that writing her a letter thanking her for teaching you about yourself (and list those qualities out) is a GREAT IDEA! She is a teacher, and I am sure she would love to hear that.

      The only time this relationship becomes a problem is if there are sexual advancements, or if you feel uncomfortable from her actions. It does not sound like this is the case, however, I feel that it is important to state this.

      You sound like a person who is wise beyond your years, and that you relate well to those who have already had some life experiences. Again, be kind to yourself. Let yourself off the hook. Do the same for your friends. They tell you it's weird because they don't understand it. Keep in mind how you feel right now when one of your friends comes to you with a problem. If you treat them with kindness and respect, they will learn to do the same in return.

      Also! Instead of focusing on the fact that this teacher is gone, remember the times she was there and taught you about yourself. Remember how you felt when you were with her. This is what is important about your relationship now. You cannot change that she is gone, but you absolutely CAN change your thoughts about how you see the situation.

      She sounds like a wonderful mentor, and you sound like you already know the answer to your question... yes, you really do! Think about it. What does your gut tell you to do?

      Best to you!!!