Need Help with asking out a girl!

    • Need Help with asking out a girl!

      So way back in December last year during my school break, I was randomly looking through my Facebook news feed and saw a picture of my friend of mine (not really friends, more just like we know each other) with this really cute girl (well I think she is anyway, some of my friends beg to differ). I didn't know who she was, but found out just her name because of the tag on the photo.

      Time passed and I started to like her more and more, even though I've never talked to her (I recall randomly seeing her around school but never paid attention). Once school started in February, I kept seeing her walk by and stuff like that. I decided to send her a friend request on Facebook, but she didn't accept. At the end of the first week, I decided to ask her friend (the friend who the photo I first saw belonged to) and asked for help. She told me a little bit about her friend (like her interests etc) but also told her friend didn't like asians (I'm asian btw-and the girl herself is also half asian). Then the friend kind of decided to ask her out for me out of nowhere (I didn't ask her to, but she decided to) and the friend said she wasn't interested as she doesn't even know who I am. I was left devastated. It was weird, I've never even talked to her but I just portrayed an image of her in my head and kinda fell for it.

      Anyway forward to now. 6 Months has passed but I still really like her. After the whole thing, she ended up accepting my facebook friend request but I think she blocked me on chat. To this date, I still haven't talked to her as there is never a chance to get to know her. She's a year above me, we have different friends and don't share any activities. However, by now I'm pretty sure she knows who I look like etc because she and her friends often walk past where I hang out. Even though I barely know her (only based on what her friend told me about her), I'm liking her more and more everyday and it's driving me nuts. However, the problem is I can't befriend her because we have no sort of social connections except for her friend, but I have a feeling she isn't too keen to help (after the whole thing where she tried to help me, she said we will probably never be able to become anything) and I haven't talked to her since either.

      I'm not a good looking guy (I'd say below average-average) while she's very pretty (I'd say above average) but I generally think I have a somewhat good personality and I treat girls well (I never mock them or think they're inferior etc) only she doesn't know this. I also know that she's never had any boyfriends or anything and her date for her prom was more of like a friends thing. Most of my friends think I have absolutely no chance with her as there is no way to get to know her, and I'm near 100% sure they're right. I feel like my only shot is to straight up ask her out, and hope for the best (considering she said she wasn't interested back then, can't think of a reason why she will say yes now as we still don't really know each other) but I know it's going to be a rejection and I don't want to leave her creeped out etc by this (it is weird for someone to randomly ask you out for a date). What do you guys think? Is there anything I can do or is it the obvious "time to move on"?
    • Re: Need Help with asking out a girl!

      Well judging by what ou wrote you havent yourself ask her out. Your friend did which sucks and sets a bad impression about you.

      Your friend says she doesn't date asians might mean a lot about what she thinks about asians in general being that she is asian. Raises questions like; Would she like an asian?

      Never having a boyfriend also might show how cautious she is and probably picky she is (or mayb she is just plain shy like you on approaching guys she dont know).

      I'd say right now you should ask her out yourself. Chances are she'll think about it and know who you are, instead of that creek who added her on facebook and stares at her when she walks by.

      If she does deny you, "I'd suggest deleting her off your facebook, like you said you both don't share anything.

      I hope that helps. Hmu if you have any questions
      [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
      How far do you want me to suppress myself so that you'll be satisfied?

    • Re: Need Help with asking out a girl!

      I say this with the best intentions... Do not ask her out (right now)— you have never spoken to her, you do not know her, she does not know you. As a girl, if a guy I've never ever met randomly walks up and asks me out, I'd say no. As Takumi said, your friend asking her out for you probably didn't set a great impression either. For the best shot, get to know her. Talk to your mutual friend, say "hey, I'd be interested in getting to know her better, do you think you could maybe introduce us?" or whatever; maybe hangout with both of them? I dunno, but absolutely don't just ask her having never even met her.. It's awkward, weird, and a bit creepy.

      Sorry for the brutal honesty, figured sugar coating it wouldn't get the point across as well :)
    • Re: Need Help with asking out a girl!

      @Takumi Usui-Thanks for the reply! And yeah I felt like it deff did put a bad image, but I really couldn't do much about it. And I thought long and hard about the asian thing, and I have no idea by how much she doesn't like asians. But I sometimes see her at school, and I've never seen her hanging out with an asian person. And yeah I'm considering asking her out, but the only problem is, how am I supposed to deliver it? By now she knows who I am, but we've never talked. I can't just be like "hey I'm that creep who asked you out in february through the mutual friend, do u want to go out?" ya know?

      @meg.loomis-Thanks for the reply and I liked how you were clearly honest with me! The problem I see is that I've never talked to her, but she already knows I like her and I think it's quite awkward between us. The whole "start talking and becoming friends thing" will probably never work as she will always know I like her etc. I feel like I either have to ask her out and see what she says. The problem is, that mutual friend isn't really a friend of mine. It's actually by best mate's sister, and until this all happened, I've actually never talked to her. And since this all happened, we haven't talked once. So really, in her mind, it seems like I just used her to try get with this chick. There has been many times where I've wanted to talk with the mutual friend and try become friends with her, but I never had the guts to and I feel like it's now too late.

      It's also worth noting that I coincidentally meet this girl a lot at school. I'm not some creep who stalks her or anything but I often see her when I'm walking to the courts etc. And everytime I see her, I feel like we meet eye and eye and it gets more awkward. The other day, she was right there when I got off the bus and we walked in silence, side by side for like 30 seconds. I feel like the longer I spend doing nothing, the more awkward its going to get.
    • Re: Need Help with asking out a girl!

      I had been through somthing like this. I liked this guy like crazy for a WHOLE YEAR. I ended up dating him after 2 years. But he wasn't a good guy and i let the rp go on for 2 years cuz i loved him so much. I'm hurt now, terribly .
      I think you deserve better .
      Move on man.
      She ain't the only woman on earth. I know how you feel. Consider yourself more important, or you'll get hurt. Thats what happend to me. :/
      Good Luck.
    • Re: Need Help with asking out a girl!

      There is only one way to get to know her you have to talk to her. It keeps getting more awkward seeing her because you keep staring at her and won't talk to her. I don't think that you two are locking eyes when you pass each other, she is probably looking at you like "why the doest this kid keep looking at me?"
      Look at yourself in the mirror and tell me what a man is without pride, tell me what a man is without fire in his eyes.
    • Re: Need Help with asking out a girl!

      I know if I just randomly ask her out, it won't work. I mean hell if some chick randomly asked me out I'll probably say no unless she's someone who seems awesome or is really hot :P Anyway back to topic, when I say ask out, I don't mean like "hey lets become gf/bf" kinda thing, I mean like ask her on a date and explain that I've liked her and I want one chance with her kind of thing.
    • Re: Need Help with asking out a girl!

      qwerty123456789 wrote:

      That's true. But wouldn't you at least her him out?


      What do you think is going to happen?
      You think that you are going to walk up to her having never said anything to her, and say "Hey, you don't know me but I have been watching you for a while now and I really like you. Do you want to go out on a date with me?"
      I'm sure that will work out great for you and she won't think you a creep at all.
      Look at yourself in the mirror and tell me what a man is without pride, tell me what a man is without fire in his eyes.
    • Re: Need Help with asking out a girl!

      qwerty123456789 wrote:

      That's true. But wouldn't you at least her him out?

      I've never had a 2 minute conversation with him, I'm not going to commit myself to spending the next few hours with him. It'll be incredibly awkward because we have NOTHING to talk about (she doesn't know your interests, you probably don't know hers— and if you do, that is terribly creepy). Seriously. I've danced with random freshmen I've never seen before in my life (where I was, you don't typically ask a girl to dance, you just kinda grab her), I didn't even have to look at them; that was lousy and that was only 2 minutes a dance, I couldn't go spend an hour with them.
    • Re: Need Help with asking out a girl!

      Well I think you should be honest with how you ask her. Be cool, but at the same time serious (Not to serious). Just tel her if she wants to ever hang out outside of skool. (Movies, eating out, etc). Thats all you can really do. I think the faster you do it, the better
      [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
      How far do you want me to suppress myself so that you'll be satisfied?

    • Re: Need Help with asking out a girl!

      Okay firstly, I agree with meg.loomis - as a girl, if a guy in the year below who I'd never spoken to asked me out, I wouldn't even consider saying yes.

      YO_VANILLA wrote:

      What do you think is going to happen?
      You think that you are going to walk up to her having never said anything to her, and say "Hey, you don't know me but I have been watching you for a while now and I really like you. Do you want to go out on a date with me?"
      I'm sure that will work out great for you and she won't think you a creep at all.


      Also if you just walk up to her and say that^ it IS creepy, I mean come on, "I've been watching you for a while" - stalker alert.

      You've got yourself in a bit of a fix with this girl in that your chances are very low at this point, especially because the 'mutual friend' already told her you like her.

      If there was anyway to salvage your chances, it would only be to get to know her as a friend first - stop staring at her as she walks past etc.

      In my opinion, it's probably time to move on - put yourself out there and start dating other girls who you actually have a chance with.

      However I can see that you probably will not give up on this girl, so by all means just don't walk up to her and ask her out.
    • Re: Need Help with asking out a girl!

      Hey guys so I have some big update! Please read my first post or you won't understand this part!

      So as you know, I kinda randomly asked her out through our mutual friend on accident kinda thing, and she was really surprised and rejected me. Well today she was online on FB, like first time I've seen her online, so I decided I want to talk to her. But I didn't know how to break the ice, as I have no idea what she thinks of me. Has she forgotten over me? Does she think of me as a creepy guy who asked her out without ever talking to her (accident btw)? Anyway I decided the best way was to apologize to her, and see how she reacts to it. This is what I said:
      Hey, way earlier this year, I like randomly had a crush on you. And then I didn't really know you so I kinda asked (mutual friend) for help who then kinda asked you out on my behalf and it got really weird and shit. I'm really sorry for all that and yeah I know its been ages but I never really had the balls to tell you but I kinda feel like I owe you an apology for the immature shit i did.

      She then replied:
      oh dont worry about it haha i didnt really know much about what was going on... twas slightly strange but algoods

      I then said:
      yeah it kinda was lol
      I thought u were really cute and knew u were friends with (mutual friend)
      and then (mutual friend) said a bunch of nice things about u
      i didnt really plan nor ask for the whole asking out thing
      and i assumed you thought it was pretty fucking weird

      She then replied:
      haha well thank you. Yeah dont worry about it, everyone gets crushes. its allgood

      I wanted to keep talking to her, but it might seem weird so I just stopped there. She seems like a good person, and wasn't hurt by the whole thing at all, so I'm thinking of giving it a shot with her. What do you think? When I ask my friends, they're relatively 50/50 on it. Some say I should maybe try after some time (a week to a month or so) while others said I should now move on and be happy that she gave me a chance to give this whole thing a closure.

      Post was edited 1 time, last by qwerty123456789 ().

    • Re: Need Help with asking out a girl!

      Maybe you should just send her a message on Facebook? I did that to a girl I liked, I liked a 'like and I'll write' status and it just went from there, that was three weeks ago and now, we both know that we like each other and we both achknowledge that we would eventually go out with each other:) and I wouldnt call myself attractive either, id say, like you, below average. If you just talk to her, you could see how it goes?
    • Re: Need Help with asking out a girl!

      Couple odd posts there eh? But in all seriousness i got a couple tips for ya with this situation. ALthough firstly good work on talking to her about the whole asking her out through a mutual friend thing, good move. However first tip, she thinks you like her so dont talk to her every day when you start tryin to talk to her on fb, and avoid the whole "so you do you like?" conversations. I say that because if you wanna go anywhere with her, i'd personally start on fb and SLOWLY work into talking to her a couple times a week but leave it at that (everyday will come off as seriously desperate and she'll start avoiding if she gets the wrong impression). So just take it slow and try building a friendship with her, give this a couple months minimum k? she already sounds like the kinda girl who would try to avoid you because she wouldn't want to hurt you so take it slow and just be friendly, dont try flirting or anything unless she starts it (however if she does start flirting, dont flirt back at first, who could end up like the long list of people who mistook kindness for flirting, avoid that if ya can). All in all if ya want to go somewhere with her, start with a good friendship and try to find a way to hang out with her in a group situation to get to know her and her friends (her friends will pretty much decide if you will ever get the chance to go out with her unless she falls head over heels for ya. Friends hold influence, so be yourself, but the best side of yourself if that makes sense. Wearing a mask wont help though, just some forwarning). From their just be yourself and take it as it comes. If you get that far i'd give you a decent shot at goin somewhere with her, however dont be someone you're not. It never ends well and by the sounds of things she'd know if you were being someone you weren't to impress her and chances are that'd come off pretty badly
      Dedicated to the art of helping