I started a new school year this week and although I've made friends with some old aquaintences, I still feel horribly alone. I'm very independent and really don't care much for people. Most of the time I'd prefer people mind their own business. But, being human, I still need a friend to talk to at the end of the day.

During lunch I sit with a group of people I love very much. But often I don't talk. So then with a few classes I talk or sit near people I know and we have class together. We say hi, and that's usually it. Being near them makes me happy, but not satisfied.

But, like I said earlier, I just want to finish the school day and have a friend there to talk to. Prepare for the cliche... I am feeling quite empty inside. Perhaps I bring this upon myself for not liking to text or talk very often, but shy and independent people get lonely eventually.

I had some nasty depression over the summer and last school year. A couple of times since I was a tween my mom considered getting me counseling. I've done school counseling in the past (even when I was about eight... I had issues with school) for shyness/lack of social-bility and they don't do very much. Overall, my happiness level has been at an all time high (perhaps since I was a little kid), but I still feel very lonely.

I find I am very happy when I have a male friend to talk to. All I require/want is one person. I have never had a boyfriend so I don't know how I would do with one. I'd like one for support and such but I don't know if I'm capable or sane enough to provide my half of the relationship at this point. I go by the Swedish proverb, "Give me love when I deserve it the least, because that's when I need it the most", but I don't know if anyone else does.

I am not sure how this is a solvable solution, but I really needed to get this down. I apologize if this is in the wrong forum as well.

I care for a lot of people (a specific group of kids, actually), but overall, I really don't care for my classmates. I just do not like being with them 24/7 because I am not very social. Yeah, I'm around the people I love (the specific group of kids), but... that's about it. They rarely acknowledge me or talk to me. Usually it's about petty stuff or questions about homework anyways.

Another thing is that I've never really had a friend (perhaps about two currently, but I rarely see them) that pays attention to me as much as I do to them, unless I'm blind or something. I am more likely to put 60% towards a relationship and only recieve 40%, and be okay with it. I tend to hang on to relationships long after they have expired.

I think I bring this upon myself.

Sorry about that contradiction, I was tired.