traumatized

    • traumatized

      Back in July, 2012, my 22 year old boyfriend at the time (I am 17) convinced me to smoke the synthetic weed, spice. After taken three hits of spice, I started not having control of my body as it was flailing around. I went unconscious, and didn't move, speak or breath for about five minutes. I was legally dead when the ambulance arrived, my heart started beating again and I began screaming, as hard as I could for an hour straight because I knew I had died. It was a scary movie situation, the more I screamed the less I saw of this black cloud to the left of me, I was literally climbing out of death, I was rushed to the hospital and released the next day. Ever since,when ever I hear of someone dying, I break down into tears, when I think of the word possibly ending, I freak out again. In English class, our teacher was talking about how everyone dies and I broke Dow. Into to hysterical crying and was picked on and made fun of because I'm just terrified of dying now. Before I actually died, I had attempted suicide three times, and I had a cutting issue, now I'm like out to save the world. I want to help people understand that death isn't the way to go. But, the problem is, my fear of dying is taking control of my life, and it's really starting to have a toll on me. I have been thinking if going to see a therapist or psychologist but I don't know how to approach my grandmother about it, who just laughs about the situation and thinks it's all in my head... it is, yes, but it happened and she can't accept the fact I'm traumatized from it. I really just need help......
    • Re: traumatized

      Hold on hold on hold on hold on.
      First, you need to chill out, maybe with REAL WEED.
      Second, when you die, you feel great, so that fear of dying is all in your head. No need to fear death. If you did commit suicide you would know this.
      Third, CHILL OUT, again. Do what make you feel happy, always. And don't give a rip what other people think. Just enjoy what the world is.
    • Re: traumatized

      Well, I mean, I wasn't ready to die, and it was a horrible experiance. I will never smoke spice again, and I have smoked weed since then, its just the whole "I died once" concept that fucks with me so hard, and seeing how my friends reacted, and how my family reacted, it really just fucks with me.... I mean, if you haven't had a similar experiance you probably wouldn't understand what is going through my head, and its not like i just died, i went through a lot of pain, and then after my heart started beating again, i went through pain again and it terrified me and people were more concerned about the drugs, then my life. I felt completely worthless. I never did, commit suicide, I attempted, and obviously did not kill myself, but along with the spice, my boyfriend just up and left and acted like i was just sleeping... and dying doesn't feel that great...
    • Re: traumatized

      Well ya, if you die by getting run over by a truck, physically, it won't feel good. But past that point of the physical part, death is every good feeling in your awareness. Haha, but anyways...

      Ya, it is hard for me to try and feel what you felt and it would be easier if you could just like download your experiences into my head. But the way you're describing it just sounds like your body almost froze up and literally stopped while you were still in it, so I could imagine somewhat how bad and uncomfortable and how scary and traumatizing that would be. But I don't think you really died as much as your body said "WTF did you just smoke? Eff this" and shut down for a few minutes.

      And thats pretty low on your boyfriends part. You would think that he would have at least somewhat sensed that you weren't sleeping, but whatevs...