Things were said, stuff happened... and a mistake... or maybe not a mistake?

    • Things were said, stuff happened... and a mistake... or maybe not a mistake?

      My boyfriend (of 5 years) and I got into a huge fight, over nothing... apparently I didn't tell him anything and blahblah... so yeah...

      we fought over it and he said that he just can't be in a relationship and stuff, and I said fine, hung up, then cried and shit and then.... that was that... no more relationship.

      My co director (theater) and I are extremely close... He's 27, and I'm 18... barely 18. but, anyways... I went into work with puffy eyes (no amount of makeup could help) and of course, he asked what was wrong. I explained, but by that time, we were starting to get the kids piling in for a show, and so we had to run around, get costumes on, makeup, everything else... that was fine... I was fine throughout the show and stuff..

      We get off stage, get costumes sorted, put away, sign people's shirts, stuff like that... and I couldn't lift something... so Chris had to do it for me... and he told me to just go sit down and so... I did... and then one of the kid's had forgotten something, and it was by me, and so I handed it to Chris, who handed it to the kid, and then the kid left... we just went silent, so I kinda turned around to look at him and his face was like 6 inches from mine, and I just started bawling again...

      we kissed, briefly, but it didn't go farther than that... I feel horrible. I don't know what to do. Matt and I aren't together anymore, it's not like I cheated, but... I just feel horrid... I've always had a crush on Chris, and I have for 8 years (which is when I started doing theater with him, he was my director at the time, and when I hit 16, I was able to start working with him, and we got closer) but Idk. Idk. I just don't. I feel horrid. Tbh, Idk how to feel.

      Does this make me a bad person? Did I do something wrong? What do I do? In a way, I feel happy that I'm not with Matt and that I've got Chris behind me, but then in another way, I feel... hollow, because I don't have Matt anymore, and he leaves for college on the 24th...

      Help me, please. What do I do.

      ---------- Post added at 08:02 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:51 PM ----------

      OH and Chris is single as well... he's been single since I turned 15...
    • Re: Things were said, stuff happened... and a mistake... or maybe not a mistake?

      I'm confused about how you went from "I just started bawling again" to "we kissed". A crying girl isn't typically the most romantic of situations. Unless you're one of those vulture types who sees "AHA! Someone in distress! Now's my chance to swoop in while they're weak and ... get them to sleep with me / convert them to my religion / get myself into their will!". If it was him who initiated the kiss, I'd be really wary of his motives. No decent guy is going to put moves on a sorrow-stricken girl JUST AFTER she's broken up with her boyfriend.

      There's no such thing as "a bad person". There are bad *things* that people do. You can't simplify it to "Oh, that person did X, so they're a Bad Person (TM), and that person did Y, so they're a Good Person (TM)". That's a copout.

      You DON'T jump into a relationship right after breaking up a serious one. Everyone knows this.
    • Re: Things were said, stuff happened... and a mistake... or maybe not a mistake?

      I ended up blocking my ex on everything that he could possibly contact me on.

      All yesterday he was texting me nasty shit about how I'm a whore and a slut and stuff... The only people that I've kissed that WEREN'T him is my mother, Chris, and two of my best friends and my best friend's were strictly... experimental.

      When I didn't respond to the texts, he kept calling me, and I just kept on ignoring. It finally got to the point where I just had to block him because it was utterly ridiculous.

      Then? Then he hit my emails. Into the spam folder he went.

      Chris ended up coming over around like, 2... Nothing happened. We just talked about what's going on and stuff. We both passed out by 4, had to be up by 8:30. We both agreed that we're not going to get into a relationship right now, because I'm not ready to get back into it again. I don't want him to think he's a rebound or something, and I'm hoping nobody else is thinking that.

      I feel okay, I guess... better. I still kinda feel empty... Matt was there and then... he wasn't.
      If life gives you a hundred reasons to be sad, give it a thousand reasons to smile.
    • Re: Things were said, stuff happened... and a mistake... or maybe not a mistake?

      That sucks, but you will get over it it just takes time. I understand why you feel like you're empty, you had someone for 5 years and now all the sudden they are gone.
      Look at yourself in the mirror and tell me what a man is without pride, tell me what a man is without fire in his eyes.
    • Re: Things were said, stuff happened... and a mistake... or maybe not a mistake?

      I'm not used to it. At all.

      It's not like I'm alone... I'm not. At all. It's just a huge person that was in my life for so long is gone and it's like WTF.

      Today could've been worse, despite my cold...
      If life gives you a hundred reasons to be sad, give it a thousand reasons to smile.
    • Re: Things were said, stuff happened... and a mistake... or maybe not a mistake?

      Yeah and it's not like you guys just slowy drifted apart, he was there one day then gone the next. Same thing happenend to me and my last gf it was all goin pretty well then one day it was just over, but that's life and it gets better
      Look at yourself in the mirror and tell me what a man is without pride, tell me what a man is without fire in his eyes.
    • Re: Things were said, stuff happened... and a mistake... or maybe not a mistake?

      We'd been talking about breaking up for a couple of months, but we planned on staying friends and stuff... But now he's going away for uni, like 8 hours away after he transferred there from the local college he went to last year...

      Overall, I think it's better because he can go do what he wants, doesn't have to worry about cheating on me or anything... he's a guy, chicks are tempting, yeah yeah. Plus, I couldn't handle being 8 hours away from him if we were still together. It still kinda hurts, because I'm used to going to him for every little thing and now that connection is... poof.
      If life gives you a hundred reasons to be sad, give it a thousand reasons to smile.
    • Re: Things were said, stuff happened... and a mistake... or maybe not a mistake?

      So I guess it all will work out then. Like you said you it was going to happen anyway, it was just sooner and not quite how you expected it to happen.
      Look at yourself in the mirror and tell me what a man is without pride, tell me what a man is without fire in his eyes.
    • Re: Things were said, stuff happened... and a mistake... or maybe not a mistake?

      Your story is kind of confusing. You said you've always liked this Chris guy, but you were dating this Matt guy for a long time. So you liked Chris while DATING Matt? That in itself is wrong in my opinion. Also, kissing a guy right after breaking up with your boyfriend is kind of harsh, not "technically" cheating aside, couples have fights all the time and in the moment say things they regret, you could of got back together with Matt after calmy talking things over, but instead you might of ruined your chances by kissing another guy so soon. If Matt knew that then he'd probably feel pretty worthless knowing you dont waste any time getting with another guy.

      You should also consider the large age difference between yourself and Chris, theres a big age gap there and it could cause a lot of problems. You dont even know if Chris likes you like that, or if he was taking advantage of your vulnerability. Some older guys take advantage of younger girls, you have to be careful, i really dont think there would be a long term relationship with someone who kisses you like that right after a breakup when you're clearly upset.
    • Re: Things were said, stuff happened... and a mistake... or maybe not a mistake?

      ApatheticBella wrote:

      Your story is kind of confusing. You said you've always liked this Chris guy, but you were dating this Matt guy for a long time. So you liked Chris while DATING Matt? That in itself is wrong in my opinion. Also, kissing a guy right after breaking up with your boyfriend is kind of harsh, not "technically" cheating aside, couples have fights all the time and in the moment say things they regret, you could of got back together with Matt after calmy talking things over, but instead you might of ruined your chances by kissing another guy so soon. If Matt knew that then he'd probably feel pretty worthless knowing you dont waste any time getting with another guy.

      You should also consider the large age difference between yourself and Chris, theres a big age gap there and it could cause a lot of problems. You dont even know if Chris likes you like that, or if he was taking advantage of your vulnerability. Some older guys take advantage of younger girls, you have to be careful, i really dont think there would be a long term relationship with someone who kisses you like that right after a breakup when you're clearly upset.


      Clearly you didn't read everything before you started judging.
      Look at yourself in the mirror and tell me what a man is without pride, tell me what a man is without fire in his eyes.
    • Re: Things were said, stuff happened... and a mistake... or maybe not a mistake?

      YO_VANILLA wrote:

      Clearly you didn't read everything before you started judging.


      Excuse me? I just re-read the entire thing AGAIN, because i assumed i missed something since you made such an ignorant response without any detail, but alas, i didnt miss anything, and i meant everything i said. Now if you clearly point out the misunderstanding that you're referring to, i'll gladly correct myself, but until then, i agree with everything i wrote previously.
    • Re: Things were said, stuff happened... and a mistake... or maybe not a mistake?

      PatheticBella wrote:

      So you liked Chris while DATING Matt? That in itself is wrong in my opinion.

      you could of got back together with Matt after calmy talking things over, but instead you might of ruined your chances by kissing another guy so soon

      You should also consider the large age difference between yourself and Chris... You dont even know if Chris likes you like that, or if he was taking advantage of your vulnerability.


      First she said that she had a crush on Chris for 8 years, 3 years before she started dating Matt. Second she said that they were talking about breaking up anyway just under different circumstances, so I don't think that there was a chance of them getting back together. Lastly she shat she doesn't want a relationship with Chris and that she was to one who started the kiss.
      Look at yourself in the mirror and tell me what a man is without pride, tell me what a man is without fire in his eyes.

      Post was edited 1 time, last by YO_VANILLA ().

    • Re: Things were said, stuff happened... and a mistake... or maybe not a mistake?

      "I've always had a crush on Chris, and I have for 8 years (which is when I started doing theater with him, he was my director at the time, and when I hit 16, I was able to start working with him, and we got closer)"

      You had a crush on Chris while dating your ex-boyfriend?
    • Re: Things were said, stuff happened... and a mistake... or maybe not a mistake?

      I don't think that's that unusual. Everyone has affections for multiple people. You don't stop liking other people just because you're with someone. If you want to remain monogamous, it might not be such a good idea to hang out too much with people you notice that you're developing romantic feelings for.. but having feelings in itself isn't wrong, it's just human.
    • Re: Things were said, stuff happened... and a mistake... or maybe not a mistake?

      YO_VANILLA wrote:

      First she said that she had a crush on Chris for 8 years, 3 years before she started dating Matt. Second she said that they were talking about breaking up anyway just under different circumstances, so I don't think that there was a chance of them getting back together. Lastly she shat she doesn't want a relationship with Chris and that she was to one who started the kiss.


      Liking someone for 8 years even while having a boyfriend for 5 years is WRONG. I dont know why you people keep saying it's okay, if you love someone you should only love that person, not share feelings for someone else, and if you start to develop feelings for someone else then you should distance yourself from that person. Yet instead of distancing herself, she joined theater BECAUSE OF HIM, that's wrong.

      As for the breaking up part, i read the first post but not all of the posts that followed, so i didnt see where she said they were talking about breaking up. All i understood was what she wrote in her first post, where they had a petty argument over nothing and THAT caused the breakup. After 5 years i'd think you could work out an argument over "nothing".

      I'm aware that she started the kiss, but Chris could of easily pushed her away, it takes two people to kiss. She's liked the guy for 8 years, why wouldnt she want a relationship with him? Seems silly to me, the last part of my post was ADVICE just in case she does want to get into a relationship with him.
    • Re: Things were said, stuff happened... and a mistake... or maybe not a mistake?

      You are always going to have little crushes or be attracted to other people besides the person that you are in a relationship with, but like I said before as long as you don't act on them it is okay.
      Look at yourself in the mirror and tell me what a man is without pride, tell me what a man is without fire in his eyes.