Really struggling with my mom

    • Really struggling with my mom

      My mom and mine's relationship is simply not that good. It's bipolar to say in the least. Sometimes I question whether she may be bipolar, and that sounds harsh and probably quite dumb, but I'm being honest.

      We fight a lot, over nothing. I'm fourteen and I don't smoke or drink, I definitely don't party and I stay in the house a lot. At most, I've gone downtown with my friends while at their house, without calling my mom to let her know. I never knew I was doing anything wrong, I assumed that since I was with my friends, it was okay. She freaked out and reasonably so, and I apologized for that, but now apparently her trust in me is damaged.

      Anyway, I live in Canada. This is possibly one of the stupidest arguments we've had. The Romney Campaign called my mom's cell phone, and since my dad moved away and had to cancel mine, I've been using hers. I don't use it for anything except calling her, and texting a few close friends. I didn't answer the call, I only listened to the message and deleted it. I thought it was funny (since I'm extremely liberal) and so I told my mom, who immediately said it was "all my fault" and screamed "F*ck you!" at me. I was so confused. I still am. I'm currently locked in my room for it.

      I was calm and I admitted I wasn't sure what I had done. With my mom, you just have to be patient and let her cool down. It's like letting a two year old cry it out, in all honesty. She said that I mocked her - I'm still confused on that one. I always try and think about if I've done something wrong, and if I think I have, I'll apologize, but this time I've truthfully done nothing wrong. I received a call form an American presidential campaign, and we're in Canada. She supposes that since I'm so involved with politics, that I've instigated this phone call - that I've plastered her cell phone number either on Facebook or Twitter. It's absolutely ludicrous.

      I'm fourteen but all I want to do is run away from her. I respect that she does a lot for me by supporting me with food, clothes and a home - but mentally and emotionally I'm constantly being put down, blamed, and toyed with. It's really too much. She gets mad at me for staying in bed all day when I'm depressed. I'm depressed because I want out. I talked to a therapist, who then tried to talk to my mother, who proceeded to get extremely angry with me so now I don't even know what to do. I've written her letters and tried to talk to her, and then she becomes sensitive and defensive. It's a tangled mess. I would love to move in with my dad but he lives a couple of hours away and probably wouldn't be up to driving me to my school every day, and my friends are what keep me sane at this point.

      I just wish I could study abroad for even just a couple of months, clear my head, take some time to study elsewhere and breathe some fresh air. I've had to deal with a lot throughout my life. Nothing too hard, we lost our house and struggle financially but still live in a nice home in a nice area. I have it way better than a lot of people and I realize and appreciate that, but even so, I've dealt with more than a fourteen year old should have over the years.

      I'm trying to excel in school so I can eventually take off and flee this city. I just cannot wait to leave and really become my own person. I know that I'm worthy, although I hear otherwise. I'm not stupid and I know that I can do whatever I want to do. It's just hard sometimes.
    • Re: Really struggling with my mom

      I hate to say this because I know it will come off as insensitive, but planning to run away eventually or flee the place you live isn't the way to go about life. I say this because I know that feeling.

      Things are hard sometimes and you may think that getting away is the best solution but it usually isn't, because whenever you come back the problems are still there.

      This summer I spent 3 months traveling the US. I told myself I wouldn't think about what university I need to transfer to, or how I needed to apply for scholarships, or even how I knew I needed to go to the doctor and get checked out because of all the medical conditions that run in my family. I didn't think about any of the things I really needed to deal with, and once I got back they all hit me at once.

      The best thing you can do is quit thinking that leaving or not dealing with things is an option. It just isn't. It sounds like my mother is a lot like yours, and the best way I've found to deal with people like her is to avoid confrontation and try to keep an open dialogue. Tell her things you don't necessarily have to, like something about your friends or school. Ask her about her life, because she's a person/woman and not just a mom. Hopefully that will help build her trust in you back, even if it was silly how she says it was lost.

      If things are really bad, do try counseling or going to an older family member. Sometimes the best thing is a completely unbiased third party to help you sort it out or a person who loves the both of you and wants the best.

      I hope things get better. Best of luck love!
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