is it alright to hate my mum?

    • is it alright to hate my mum?

      She's a mother, I know everything she does is out of love and care. But where's the line? My mum doesn't let me do anything, even though I'm 18 years old, I've been put on a very short leash... what do I mean by that? I'm not really allowed to have a social life. Yeah, I go out and stuff, but I have to be home by 10pm... For some, it may not be that bad, but for me it is. Especially when all my friends, who are my age don't really have to be in. On top of that, around 9.30pm my mum starts texting me very abusive things... telling me that if I don't get home on time I'll regret it... Basically she threatens me, calls me nasty things etc. Me, my parents and my brother, we live abroad. All my friends and family are back in our country. I fly out every 2 months, I guess I prefer it there, I'm looked after properly, I'm surrounded with people who love and care. I'm really close to my mum's sisters (Age 26 and 34)... The younger one is like my sister and best friend in the same time, the older one is like my mum. But that's not the point. I miss them, and I guess my mum gets jealous of that, and sometimes tries to turn me against them.

      I have a younger brother, he's 13. My mum always does everything to please him, he always needs to get everything his own way. If I do something to upset him, my mum will get angry with me. She starts swearing at me, threatening... she sometimes hits me. I get along with my dad, but he's barely at home.

      Had to get it out. Do you think its bad that I sometimes hate on my mum and wish that I had a different one? One who would appreciate me? Hug me when I'm down and tells me she loves me? My mum hasn't said those words to me for ever, can't even remember the last time she did.

      K.
    • Re: is it alright to hate my mum?

      It's not alright per say that you hate your mum, because no one should get to the point of feeling like that, but perhaps it is a bit understandable.

      A short leash can be hard, especially as you get older. My mother is the same way in that aspect but my curfew is even earlier and I probably get to go out even less. You just have to sit down with her and prove that you're older and responsible enough to go out more or when you choose. And she probably only gets so overbearing because she really wants you safe.

      It's good that you have a strong relationship with your aunts. Everyone needs an anchor and they seem like yours. Maybe your mother is jealous of that though, so try to let her know that you're not replacing her.

      You can wish all you want for a different mum, but in the end you need to let her know that she's your mum and you care for her, even if you disagree some times and need time apart.
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    • Re: is it alright to hate my mum?

      Musicaddicted wrote:

      It's not alright per say that you hate your mum, because no one should get to the point of feeling like that, but perhaps it is a bit understandable.

      A short leash can be hard, especially as you get older. My mother is the same way in that aspect but my curfew is even earlier and I probably get to go out even less. You just have to sit down with her and prove that you're older and responsible enough to go out more or when you choose. And she probably only gets so overbearing because she really wants you safe.

      It's good that you have a strong relationship with your aunts. Everyone needs an anchor and they seem like yours. Maybe your mother is jealous of that though, so try to let her know that you're not replacing her.

      You can wish all you want for a different mum, but in the end you need to let her know that she's your mum and you care for her, even if you disagree some times and need time apart.


      I've sat down and spoke to her loads of times, but it always has the same end. Its a no. I've never done anything to make her think that I'm irresponsible or immature. She just has that stupid imagination and thinks the worst of me.

      I get your point. But why should I care for her when all she ever does is put me down for the smallest things... She says that I'm a prostitute and a whore... even though I've never slept with anyone. She hits me. Everything I do is wrong... It just seems like everything would be better if it was just her, my dad and my brother. That why I'm moving away in July, I'm going back to my aunties... To live in a place where I feel safe and wanted... and where I feel happy.
    • Re: is it alright to hate my mum?

      Upon reading this, for the first paragraph I was thinking 'yeah yeah, typical fluctuating emotions, typical mother/teenager relationship', but actually if she really is hitting you and threatening you then this is quite serious.

      I understand that it may be very difficult to confront her (although that is almost always the most effective way). Is there anyone else you could talk to? If it gets really bad maybe you should tell your dad about it...
    • Re: is it alright to hate my mum?

      Eminemaniac wrote:

      Upon reading this, for the first paragraph I was thinking 'yeah yeah, typical fluctuating emotions, typical mother/teenager relationship', but actually if she really is hitting you and threatening you then this is quite serious.

      I understand that it may be very difficult to confront her (although that is almost always the most effective way). Is there anyone else you could talk to? If it gets really bad maybe you should tell your dad about it...


      Hehe, I understand why you thought that :)

      I have confronted her, I've told her if she ever lays a finger on me again, I won't just stand. She stopped for a while, and started swinging at me again. I can always talk to my aunties over facebook, or skype. But I don't want them to argue with my mum, you know? My mum has a stubborn personality, and she wont visit my family for ages. And that would just upset my nan, and that's the last thing I would want to happen. I don't want to tell my friends either, its embarrassing in a way. Telling my dad is an option, but why make them argue? I guess it's just a few months... what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger... right?

      I'm usually very happy and bubbly, when out the house, but when I get home, I automatically put my walls back up, and it's just me and my four walls.

      Post was edited 1 time, last by grfhd ().

    • Re: is it alright to hate my mum?

      I see your point there, it is hard when these things will cause conflict between the family. But it's serious and you shouldn't stand for it. You're 18? Do what the fuck you want, go where you want, stay where you want. Get as much distance from this woman as possible and then one day she'll wake up and realise what she's missing.
    • Re: is it alright to hate my mum?

      Eminemaniac wrote:

      You're 18? Do what the fuck you want, go where you want, stay where you want.


      You're right! It's not just about staying out all night though. Its just the idea/opportunity of being able to do so... To be able to stay out with friends and have a whale of a time ;) It's not fun when you have to lie to your friends and come up with lame excuses as to why I have to go in so early.

      Time to put an end to this.

      Thank you.
    • Re: is it alright to hate my mum?

      From experience I'd say if your mother crosses the line, it is alright to hate her, but the line isn't very thin. After years of my mother physically and mentally abusing me, I finally up and left to live with my dad at the age of 14. It's probably one of the best decisions I ever made, but each circumstance to its own. Just make sure that you don't do anything you'll regret.
    • Re: is it alright to hate my mum?

      YO_VANILLA wrote:

      You are 18, if you don't like living with your mom move out.


      Move out where? Should i purchase a cardboard box and live under a bridge? Except this crazy woman, my dad and my brother I have no one. I'm still in college, I don't have a job. There is no way I will be able to support myself. She takes my benefits. Even though we don't need them :/ I'm moving in with my auntie (my bestfriend) and her boyfriend (also my bestfriend) in July.

      Savoir wrote:

      From experience I'd say if your mother crosses the line, it is alright to hate her, but the line isn't very thin. After years of my mother physically and mentally abusing me, I finally up and left to live with my dad at the age of 14. It's probably one of the best decisions I ever made, but each circumstance to its own. Just make sure that you don't do anything you'll regret.


      My parents are still together, don't know why though... My dad is on a leash too. Maybe it because my mother never had a pet. Messed up childhood? L O L
    • Re: is it alright to hate my mum?

      YO_VANILLA wrote:

      Being in college is not an excuse for not having a job. I went to college full time, worked 40-60 hrs a week and I live on my own.



      where I go to college, they don't let you work that many hours if you're a full-time student, because they think you won't keep up with college work :s besides i always go back home, no work placement will give me this many days off, and going back to my country is important to me.