My poem (Beauty) What do you think?

    • My poem (Beauty) What do you think?

      At first glance,
      you would not see her.
      The girl,
      sitting in a tree,
      sunset glinting off the seemingly endless lake.
      It seemed impossible for anyone to look that mysterious,
      and lovely.
      Her golden hair,
      reflecting off of the suns raidiant beams,
      had to be the most amazing thing I'd ever seen.
      Her toned skin glew in the sunlight,
      making her even more mysterious.
      I didn't want to bother her,
      as she was so beautiful.
      Her hands entwining with each other,
      her feet dangling off the edge,
      criss-crossing and uncrossing,
      swinging and swaying with the sleightest breeze.
      To tell you the truth,
      I wouldn't be the least bit surprised,
      if she grew pearly white wings and flew high.
      Her form was of the most perfect.
      I was afraid for to blink and for her to be gone.
      That was when she turned to look at me,
      her hair flying to catch up with her gracious movements,
      and most of all,
      her beautiful emerald eyes,
      that seem to melt my heart and stomach,
      Like a fire melts butter.
    • Re: My poem (Beauty) What do you think?

      I like the idea of the poem and it's well worded, but at the same time, if you want it to flow more smoothly as a "poem" then I would suggest rephrasing so that the lines either follow a pattern in regards to the number of syllables or words, or around the same number in each. I usually write in a drop pattern, which is basically the same number of syllables for several lines, then a line with very few syllables, and then more again.
      ~*~
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