Have you ever found yourself talking to a friend, helping them through something, giving them advice and thinking to yourself “wow, this is actually really good advice!” and then gone through the same situation and been completely helpless? Funny how we can’t take our own advice huh? True, in a perfect world, we could and metaphorically, everything would be fine. Or at least a majority of our problems wouldn’t seem half as bad. Often, the only way to get through something is to have someone else help you through and give you advice. But why is it that we can’t solve it ourselves? I believe it’s because we’re not meant to figure ourselves out or understand our own problems. We’re meant to have someone else figure us out as we do the same for them. This is a vital part of a relationship if that’s where you’re having problems.
You may have heard of the movie Hitch, about a man known as “the date doctor” who could help anyone out with their relationship, but is helpless when it comes to his own dating life. This portrays most of us, and in more areas then just dating. I think most of the explanation for this, is the old saying “love is blind”. This basically means that when in love, you lose your “game” and become clumsy and nervous and can’t seem to get a grip or focus. It’s this feeling that causes stress on a date. The same concept can be applied if you’re a girl faced with the struggle of deciding whether to leave your boyfriend when he hurts you or screws up. You want to make it work because you care for him and want to believe he’ll change or do better, but then he keeps hurting you and most girls, still wouldn’t leave.
Why is this? I propose it goes back to being blinded by love. What it means in this situation is either you do love the guy, or think you do, and the “love blinders” make you overlook the bad and only focus on the little, good things he does that make you have hope he will get better. If I just described your relationship, I know it’s hard but it’s better to just dump him because “if there’s a doubt, get him out”. It will always be hard, but you will find another guy that will treat you better and that won’t have to change to make you happy or be any more or less than what he is! But you have to keep your heart open or you will be too saddened from missing him. Guys, if you’re on the other the end of this predicament, the best thing to do is not to change, but look at if you have changed since before the fighting or mistakes happened. If you haven’t changed at all and you’ve been the real you the whole time, then she’s wanting you to be what you cannot be.
If you look back and do notice areas where your attitude or feelings changed and you maybe made mistakes, try to go back and change them. But if you find yourself telling her over and over again that you’re trying to change and even though you want to, you can’t, then you might want to talk to her about taking a break while you work on what you need to. The alternative is that you haven’t changed who you are, but she says you have or says I’m seeing the “real” you now, then it’s her, not you. If that is the case, you’re probably not meant to be together. And then as hard as it seems, you’ll probably end up breaking up and having to move on. Yes, it will be hard at first. But you will find someone else that accepts you for you and won’t critique anything you say or do unless you know you’ve done wrong. If she’s telling you that you have, look at yourself and make the decision if you have, or if she’s complaining about who you are.
To the people who read this, I hope it helped and good luck with your situation. I wish you all the best of luck.
-Matt